Transcript of Episode 43 - Fatherhood New Dad Birthing a Baby Boy
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00:00:04| so I'm Dan and I'm neck box for old friends dissecting one topic at a time people technology media we've got it all covered each discussion here is a deep dive in or unique perspective the taboo
00:00:19| forbidden subjects they're all on the chopping block baby we don't pander to popular opinion we might even get a little bit dirty morning this podcast may contain mature language and sexual
00:00:31| content and is for entertainment purposes only so join us have a good time open up your earholes we're gonna ondol your follicles
00:00:43| [Music] all right I am Dan I'm the Nick Nick we are the inventors that's both of us combined forever it was going there surprisingly
00:01:22| surprisingly if we look back I'd say this let me start doing drugs no I just mr. allergy season I do season I'll get into that exciting allergy season whoo it's good we'll hit a barn burner with
00:01:40| your allergy fans out there turning allergens I have any what clarifications from last episode yeah from the memory episode I don't remember most of it but I think that's because my neurons
00:01:53| weren't firing at 150 miles an hour with this close to 140 miles wha so everyone turn down the speed dial uh neurons really moving 140 submalar and you have the number we gave Leslie a hydration
00:02:09| for the 80 and 86 billion neurons in a normal human brain and now we clarified it was 86 but how do we know I'm done Extra Ordinary you know BB gun yeah I'm sure there were stats in there somewhere
00:02:28| no they always pop in my brain ago ah I should put that on a podcast even this podcast shoulda coulda woulda we'll come back to something later when I remember what it was mm-hmm
00:02:41| and you have something to brighten everyone's day well it's fantastic let's sit here can you bring pictures up on the screen I most certainly can I would like to apologize for clicking
00:02:51| in certain segments if you were listening to the previous podcast I was trying to bring stuff up and we never talked about it and I was like I'm not gonna interrupt her because she's a
00:02:58| special guest tell us what you really think folks we heated your tub good further the podcast check out your runner very good you guys
00:03:10| pictures bring up yeah can you look up kiwano kiw ano horn mango Wow that's already you well I guess it's so unique yeah I got it what do you want the picture of it yeah you store the picture
00:03:24| up for everybody so how do you benefits for the actual picture no just a picture really just the picture did you show no even better um grocery shopping with my son he is
00:03:36| being very good today um sometimes real pain in my butt my soul is in the grocery store and I told him it was a dinosaur egg oh nice his eyes were wide these it so anyway we're shopping around
00:03:47| I had to circle back to the produce section so I go by there and he said the dinosaur dead I said yeah I think we're gonna get one oh nice pic of dollar thirty so I bought it right so he's
00:03:59| holding it any with all things that gets pointy like yeah he's like it needs to hatch it needs to be warm awesome bought it brought it home I kind of know you'd
00:04:12| forget about it for a dollar thirtieth figure it's worth a shot maybe I had a little fun with this thing yeah he wrapped it in blanket so we got those amazing so hold on we have this
00:04:23| upstairs uh-huh yeah it's like a blanket under it like he's been keeping it warm and I've been enjoying and pelleting on it no he hasn't sat on it it's you gotta
00:04:36| throw the record books that's please help you want to afford things you will begin in the ER I kind of can't wait to eat it but I can't know cuz it's like you have to you have to have him come in
00:04:47| as many eating dad asked dripping had um so sorry it was so delicious well my girlfriend got into saying to me listen if he really believes it what are we gonna do mean what we gonna do it's
00:05:04| gonna take care of itself it's a fruit it's gonna turn old and go crappy he said you can't do that we have to buy him like a bearded dragon that was like their you don't know I was
00:05:13| kidding me come on I'm not getting rid of real go figure it out and then I was like well maybe maybe we gonna miss stuffed lizard or something yeah I guess that'd work
00:05:22| yeah or a little fake dragon or like um toothless you ever see how to train your dragon over there we're getting a little of those Davila K attached here you go
00:05:31| I mean think I'm plastic it's got to fit inside of it right I mean you're you're tons right not that logical to be like this should thats two large data shut up that's the way dinosaurs are they get
00:05:46| bigger attached and it's bigger than the ank you should get him one of the foam ones that expands the crow oh shrinky dink yeah push your old high school nickname
00:05:59| shrink a little cold water is all it took Oh class those pools anyway chipped it yeah they were British warm yeah luckily the showers that scared me
00:06:16| yeah and everyone else is shrinking moving to the next area of expertise today anything big happen in your life recently I became a yeah it looks like it's as dead ooh you got a tally attack
00:06:36| hey you gonna fish you see my man chest we got a daddy on one site what kind of daddy are you up here with episode 5 or so so 5 what was the joke I actually am NOT a pound a day because
00:06:52| I've not shared any of my shoes with anybody okay but you are a daddy yes I should never in my hashtag daddy the second time right and together we're hashtag daddies if anyone wants to find
00:07:06| us on the internet that's exactly where you look you're looking for the unbanded you want to find a little more of us here I closed check check any of your local websites
00:07:15| there's some daddy's beer right there so yeah that's don't really talk about the night daddy and the bosses of becoming a dad which that everyone's favorite part a scientific part
00:07:33| is you just magically have a baby pop out of something you call the stork yeah it's on the sprue your wife yeah and then you get one of those dinosaur eggs and it goes inside of it this is gonna
00:07:51| hurt a little will it steady and then you windy source iced it right open boom babies born babies born every 18 seconds did you know I did not know that is that is that a fact
00:08:05| no I ability it's probably more than that oh you and maybe lose that baby born every United States for you in the world whichever ones closer to 18 seconds it's my search the babies are
00:08:24| born each day you make me do the math make me know there's a second or a baby is born every who just type that I'm sure Google we're fixed it for you for four births every second in the
00:08:35| world God Davian so you're that's a lot of babies so no offense you're not even that special yeah that baby's a billion or so but that's I mean I'm in United States it's kind of close to what you
00:08:52| said I mean that's a billion seven billion mark so like some are yes how would you estimate leave any states from the world data through his usual United States
00:09:05| oh yeah but how do you know that we have babies at a proportional amount that other countries so I'm assuming that the United States most consensus it's an industrialized nation your birth which
00:09:16| actually would put your step closer to at home is like I just googled it and it's like every hour these guys are idiots yeah no your anyway for the way I might
00:09:31| be an ad people I always hear comments about our podcasts and people say they like the sound of you typing is that a new keyboard do you like the quickness
00:09:46| I do are your fingers on the home keys I don't look I'd never I mean I went through a class that taught me how to do it well this is probably decades of painful programming
00:10:00| saddening lifestyle and crooked bending Gil reining themselves yeah straight street oh you got attracts too much well this was a street day and for the record I'm a bear you're a bear I like this
00:10:17| shirt actually I got it at Kohl's or something no one knows a point anymore do you see that Mama Bear mama bear video Oh at people's front door no no no there's like so that I saw the clip near
00:10:32| the highway there's somebody already protecting children but she did so the mama bear is actually a police officers female and a guy pulls up he pulls up but he pulls his gun on like children
00:10:46| and and women and he I guess he tries to grab somebody's purse a gunpoint ah and he can shot like immediately by this off-duty cop because she like she had the gun like she had her purse like
00:10:58| this and she pulled the gun rope right behind a purse and like as he pulled his gun away and off-target of people she's like oh babe and then the guy goes right down he's like and he's he's just crying
00:11:10| like a little little B little B little B he this reminds me of a clip I thought the other day where someone is rolling up to a tinted vehicle it's running and if you can't tell on the inside or not
00:11:25| so guy CD look at individual rolls up to the vehicle looks at it can't see anyone he's thinking of stealing it so he walks away he walks back he's like I think I see someone in there and I'm not sure so
00:11:37| this is all on a security camera see the whole thing and he walks just off camera and he comes back with his gun because he pulled out of his pants whatever his little gun so he walks up to the window
00:11:47| and he's like knocking on the window and he can't really see inside but he goes there's someone in there he's gonna carjack him he's a big big thing so the window rolls down and whoever it
00:11:57| is had gun to shoot some like port I think it kills them instantly I'm not sure if he died on camera I'm not sure if I solve it yeah you can't even scope out your target
00:12:06| well I think he thought damn thinks he'll do there but I some old lady I'm going to steal it well if it's an empty car you're just standing there waiting it's always anyway he may have busted
00:12:17| through it at that point no no because he has the guns in it probably take him about five seconds for the length of time that it takes for a child to be born in the United States
00:12:25| Oh five seconds el suelo just give me a couple babies there yeah I mean you know not all yours right I mean though a man who loses how many five hundred million or five hundred
00:12:40| billion sperm I'm off by a lifetime yeah lifetime yeah billion billion five hundred billion you might be able to populate the earth about like 50 times I think women are just as good they have
00:12:52| at least 500 eggs yeah man we're going to do the queer membership we're spiii your ruler and I'd not be right with my yeah good okay cool good good yeah I actually had a child born less than a
00:13:10| week ago I couldn't convert actually correct date your back podcast we always give it one actually we did miss one I got Ben he wanted painted it this one adopted ah the doctor you know at the
00:13:24| end of the year your paycheck will reveal it I'm gonna lose a penny well I'm innocent Oh less sort of happy dear yeah well I can't depend like a fraction like it ten percent of a penny
00:13:35| oh yeah that's it a tenth of it we're good with math your post so exciting is it as insane with second time around look so this is one of the things that I actually want to talk about because uh
00:13:48| okay some people they have the first child and for me I was just like oh it's a baby and like it doesn't I don't know that it hits people really first time at the same time would you say that do you
00:14:00| think what there's too many things going on at once yeah because you you don't know what the future holds and then there's ten people in the room trying to do all sorts of crazy stuff
00:14:08| my wife had a c-section so like let's let's slow it down or let's slow it down and do because there's a lot of people watching right now who've never had a baby yeah
00:14:16| that's true I mean you can go get one every five seconds ZZ spring a gun go to the infirmary that you're gonna get shot I think my mama bear video anyway um babies are born old
00:14:33| fun people have a long time but actually having one is weird it's crazy it's it's not magical and glowing and like loving and it's also not disgusting the worst thing I've ever seen
00:14:48| I can't believe we just saw that harsh Oh your babies have like covered in blood and random stuff and you're like that's still pretty pretty it's kind of a beautiful baby but it's
00:14:58| kind of - it's like you're looking at the umbilical cord and it you're like this is a translucent thing like a blood vessel in it and it's like it's like rubbery feeling when you've got it and
00:15:11| just like you could they asked about the first one the second baby they're like doesn't need it they didn't care about you yeah even the photo person to come around and try to talk photos really
00:15:23| yeah they were like we're not even trying around to these people just screw it my first timers so the first time you have your baby a lots going on I have a
00:15:35| baby that's my son was about that might tell you under your time sure we were c-section and she had a local center it's too personal tiny too tight it was too short low low okay I think that's
00:15:53| like down there they're like if it's that low you just we got one of those too like something's not quite right we're gonna tweak it but you can't really fix it so you're better off just
00:16:04| taking out right laughter okay so you know you're all this build-up all this time she's always complaining I want this thing out of the L of this thing out of it and you're like gonna be a
00:16:17| parent I guess what do you do you baby proof stuff and you buy diapers like I don't know if it's ID you don't know what happens no the first time around you're just
00:16:25| okay let's see what Hammond and you're listening with so much advice oh and all the advice is like it's like it's like make sure you don't feed them after four and then if they cry for whatever change
00:16:39| their diaper at 6:00 every night and then always make sure a bit of whiskey on the tooth and it's like okay grandma that's that's great and then someone else would be like the thing you want to
00:16:50| do is you're gonna make sure your baby is you want to use chocolate powder our founders talking powder you're like you're writing this down you're like and then like there's all this weird stuff
00:17:00| that's coming out of that field and they're like your kids crime just let them cry it's better though I'm cry for an entire evening even if I take nine hour you're like you're like yeah nine
00:17:12| hours and then someone else is like eight kinds of babies crying it needs human contact the skin develops things that will warm the baby and give him better nutrients they're like big
00:17:23| nutrients yeah you're gonna be a mess Alana let the baby come on you want you and you're just like you're writing down everything everyone says you're like oh my god that's gonna lose the pages and
00:17:37| you don't know what any of it means you don't know if any of its bullcrap you don't know some of its important in a little ball that's extremely important you're just like yeah sure and then you
00:17:46| get all the generalities where people are just like spitting out stuff they've heard from other people they don't have children themselves there's like audio you're gonna she's carrying like this
00:17:54| it's a boy handsome boy so yeah okay okay good good okay thanks did you do the gender the first time or you surprised or how'd you do we check we knew it was coming
00:18:05| wait so many ultrasounds that's another thing all under sounds they cost about on in 50 bucks and we did like ten of them pocket might as well here's it here's a weird
00:18:16| thing and maybe I'm the only one felt this way I don't know when they do ultrasounds when they do measuring your baby when they do like oh you don't think your baby's got a crooked finger
00:18:28| this is this one well is it genetic Ishaq nah we don't know for sure no no it's not that stuff but when they're like measuring the head and the lung they're checking the heartbeat and
00:18:41| they're doing all these things on the screen in front this sone sonographer whatever they're cold though whatever they don't talk to you the whole time because they cannot break down yeah
00:18:51| right where a doc has to say but you get nervous I got nervous as shit every time I was like he said a good number is that a bad number like she's not saying anything that's a bad number and then
00:19:03| like they measure your the heart or something and I'd be like oh my god the baby's got too big my heart oh my god the baby's heart's too small I'm not gonna find you getting it from the way
00:19:12| they're drawing their circles and writing their notes but they'll measure it then we go mmm they do like a little and you're like yeah and then they and then they type in it I'm like larger
00:19:24| larger and it's hard it's not cover the whole thing it's smaller smaller but like like nervous cuz it's like the one thing I couldn't control it was my baby's health
00:19:33| like the multi no no the multiple is that you're the dad you have no control for any of it and like it's really control even for the female like the female right right right be any control
00:19:43| either but she's freaking out more than you are and you're just trying not to feed it right right you just want to and then to not beat it what do you do you be quiet
00:19:50| so then the ultrasound person is quiet you should put quiet and then she's quiet because no one knows what the heck to say it's not like you have a long conversation like hey how many of you
00:20:02| how about the Knicks the Knicks are really making moves at golf season I heard that you go that I think he forked entirely okay I'm telling you the Knicks this year man this is their year so it's
00:20:16| just that's the scary stuff for me with babies the medical stuff I can't think it's all jargon the numbers really 11 I wonder because mine was underweight by it was like the curve goes like like a
00:20:30| nice little spread and here's on the bottom but he was following it which is good following the curve we're but I'm not that tiny but my wife is a tiny person she's not a little person but
00:20:39| she's small how just to clarify oh no too small I don't think so I mean I feel like they they have so much like a hesitancy like if this is a little bit different than what we've seen
00:20:53| for they're not going to say everything's fine this is perfect you're gonna there's no problems like that that's like lawsuit lawsuit lawsuit for the Hobby so they don't say anything
00:21:01| exactly they're just like we're gonna check on something we're just gonna monitor it and it's gonna cost you a shit ton of money so lose I keep going you're just like these are gonna hit the
00:21:11| max on my stupid insurance and it's good just don't just let's hit the max today yeah how much how many do right now I'm gonna do our be breathing they're not gonna pay for anything after this what
00:21:25| is completely unnecessary let's do that yeah they're covered by insurance perfect there we go - please of - whatever process pursue Hindi do me - I want to see what's inside I'm gonna say
00:21:38| Dada belly this day some Ray's inside of them so then the big day comes and the actual birth happens yeah yeah was your first a natural or a first was see second we try we made an attempt and
00:21:54| then into a tooth or like this ain't working we got some problems those deals like the labor is too old or something crazy yeah so it was uh used in distress he was in distress multiple times you're
00:22:04| like heart rate dropped out would you hear that you're like you're like well and the thing is we were watching like a movie she was in labor but she wasn't that bad and then I had like stuff I
00:22:15| just had stuff everywhere and then the doc was like without even giving us a hint was just like we gotta go and there's like what was like when we come back we're not in the same room so we
00:22:24| gotta get up all your shit just like excuse me okay you do the double play excuse me everything and I was like dude you like grabbing everything as I go stuff and all the like cords and stuff
00:22:34| and my Katie like my wife's like Bobo get that get that as well and I need that and then she's getting wheeled out of the room I like what what what yeah I understand
00:22:51| it's a weird dynamic because you're like really here's a weird way to learn but you can't do anything and you're really concerned you can't do anything and this
00:23:01| is a third one that no one wonder say I feel cold no I sound cold saying this it's so when you don't even like know where like you don't know how important this
00:23:09| is if you know how important it is because everyone has told you your whole life but you really don't understand know what this baby is even like you don't
00:23:18| know you don't know what it really means and the people don't do it the first time they have the child then they're just like the first picture they take they're like they say something like oh
00:23:26| this is the greatest gift ever given to like you know a lady who just took a picture of a baby that showed us it's like the Nintendo when I guy was a little kid why I was like that that was
00:23:36| the greatest gift I ever got when I was like until until the second one which is a different story because you know you understand what's happening just to be a little over focusing on the first one
00:23:50| here so I can be involved here but yeah there's something weird and hypocritical about being like you literally have no clue what's going on but you pretend these are a pretending that happens with
00:24:03| the first one I don't think I'm not bullshit I don't bullshit all I don't usually but I still remember so let's just go to the birth well um so we were c-section and I sat behind that was she
00:24:18| okay even get there so like they took her behind and you were waiting right there's like a waiting room where you're just like you're not allowed to see the prep and the initiate I was a which is
00:24:28| weird and then you're just like trying you're like trying to find out what's happening you're waiting and you're just like wow just wow I was the whole way I was in the hallway yeah and I was in the
00:24:38| hallway to in from the door hey doors open and then like some other woman gets wheeled like past like and they're like Sir sir and I was like I was like oh that's not my wife I was like uh private
00:24:49| she needs privacy and they they kick getting out a little alway get in the room it's so crazy they made you um so I was like hmm so weird designed for a hospital you can't stand at the door
00:25:02| it's like whatever but yeah you wait and it's like a weird wait because they like ace they're prepping or giving an epidural right making sure all the IV is everything connected all the machines
00:25:14| are working a hundred percent god yeah covering their medical liability okay they do it's made sounds cold but they do I mean it's a job yeah I mean and I'm the curious thing is like I'm medically
00:25:28| studied and my parents are medically one of us trained and one of those medical salesmen gifted wasn't one of them a mutant tip like if he holds up his hand as a scalpel like that I make beautiful
00:25:40| cuts turn our woman but uh yeah so like I'm I'm aware of what's going on and like I could follow along to a medical conversation but no one gives you shit
00:25:55| like they're not gonna feel like let's see really this guy know like let's let's make him follow along they don't they're like well hey good job that's necessary you know 70% of what we're
00:26:05| doing let me explain the other 30% that I went to medical school for so here we're doing yeah they don't do a shit they listen I got work I don't care if you
00:26:13| know sort of what I'm doing he'll be like if you went to your mechanic and he was like doing a pretty big procedure and you're like well I changed the brakes let's go over this
00:26:21| bit big guy what's it screw your undoing over here I did the brakes he's like still doing it you're like let me tell you I can change a being oil and easily getting into the transmission everything
00:26:35| is your leg this tension yeah exactly so I don't have time go away I will say that on the doctors part that what they do is pretty fantastic that they like it's so regular for them that it don't
00:26:50| like it evaluate doesn't spike at all not fantastic though do you know what I mean they're literally doing physical jobs yes mmm-hmm now that I do this did I do this
00:27:00| that's why they keep the humanity out of it they're not like oh my god this is someone's baby movie like gonna mean can these gorgeous like oh good now doctor like they're like I do like 40 days a
00:27:13| week then appeared doctor my baby uh one for 39 good he just because a chalkboard behind me just X's one out yeah mmm he's got a big gorilla mark on a couple of years ago
00:27:28| and he's like don't worry it was recent do for a good and so you guys got called back you're buying the sheet like I was lying as she did you sneak it up and trying to look no but I looked above and
00:27:40| they had something come on metallic no no so they metallic so I could see the reflection off sign of reflection right it was like this door near it distorted images so I could look up and I was like
00:27:52| that's a lot of red or on my girlfriend the midsection I was like oh my god it's probably like just open so in the c-section I believe they cut you around the it's
00:28:03| below the bellybutton right yeah between the bellybutton and the badge I would say technical terms right there between and it's a horizontal cut right yeah horizontal so they cut they go like this
00:28:17| and then what I heard and what I kind of saw off bushy was that your stomach muscles are there so they just have to jerk those muscles to the side the first time I stood up and I took a picture
00:28:29| they have a clamp that goes like right in there and then they kind of like you're like like there's no sound that it makes but I anyway so it's about like sits six inches wide that they make the
00:28:45| thing and it turns from like a slit to an oval so it's like almost circular and the second one I got to see it they messed up there's a whole bunch of TVs and they monitored like regular stats on
00:28:58| one and then they just it to like straight down view so I got to see the baby and the water break and it was just like I mean I'm like that because I'm medically trained but other people Provo
00:29:08| I wouldn't throw up but I wouldn't like it I'd be like doing this I thought it was awesome and the nurses really call you made mistake you made a mistake change into camp change camera but like
00:29:18| my like my wife my wife saw it she probably did but she was already out of it she's gone at that point well wait so what was she doing at the time I remember my girlfriend I was like hold
00:29:28| her hand I was like I kept telling her you're doing so good and she was like yeah she's out of it so they literally are moving your organs around and like to get the baby out they have to do it
00:29:40| really quickly and they have to make sure they don't damage things so there like moving organs around and shifting the body so she's like jerking a little bit right baby can I don't you she's
00:29:50| trying to people think medically stuff is very clean everything there's a lot of like physical jerkiness they're like push it it's almost like wrestling boots up with somebody on the inside of their
00:30:04| body it's unprofessional the podcast but that's what that's what my wife was doing she was like burpin and she like although any food that was in her stomach since it was like a quick one
00:30:18| the first time I came up like literally there's like pushing your stomach into your life into your throat if you throw up yeah oh yeah so it's like well it's a contradiction cuz like there's the
00:30:29| vision in your mind was that you're gonna hold your baby next to your beautiful wife and she's gonna smile but she puked within like ten seconds like doing that so you're just like oh hold
00:30:40| up your baby I was like smile is a fantastic picture so they're doing this thing and like you feel I felt out of place being in the room because I couldn't help medically I couldn't tell
00:30:58| my girlfriend feel anyway because she was having it's almost like it was a here's your reward you get to sit here enjoy your reward and also kind of I didn't sign up for this reward like it
00:31:09| was a weird thing and again I'm not not in the whole process but I'm not medically whatever we really should have medical pervert medically studied yes it's not trained right sorry oh I'm
00:31:26| trained I trained folks but they finally pulled out my son you should always like I do want to say that is cool because there's it's a little bit like the opposite of um someone dying if you're a
00:31:40| bit of the room with someone who died I've not been in the room with someone who died but okay my grandmother was taking her last breaths etc etc she's everyone's around crying and holding
00:31:50| aids and stuff I was like 13 or something and I remember like people are like no one's talking and she's like dying chip sir everything and finally she takes
00:32:00| this like big gas and then like a full minute goes by it she takes another big gas and I was like this is it looks like there's a word for it were you really drowning or something or I can't
00:32:12| remember the word it's it's really a little disturbing if you're 13 but it's like and then you're like after like 20 seconds and then you take another big breath and then you do it like three
00:32:22| four or five times ten times remember how many times eventually right because you're you're just dying you think y'all call them machines everything and then you stop like three minutes go by and no
00:32:36| one says she's dead like everyone says that nobody's isn't no but but there's a weird thing in the room where if there were there were six people in the room at the time including my grandmother I
00:32:50| don't want to be the first one to speak right but this is the weird thing so there are six people in the room including my grandmother you don't logically think of other people in the
00:33:00| room but there's my in our cousin is like selling you know there's always people in the room and you in your brain you always associate a person with a position they are in the room with you
00:33:11| yeah I don't know if that's a scientific thing a social thing and whatever brother mom and not even just that just like it's a person and you put an identifier on a friendship my cousin my
00:33:21| son so if someone's in the room if a person's in a room with you you know it yeah yeah it's like innate it's a thing well when someone dies it's like there were six you now there are five and it's
00:33:35| the weirdest thing because there were six and no one left the room but now there are five guys I can't explain it it's a thing that if you experience it's like there are only five people in this
00:33:48| room right now and don't move no one changed and it's like it hits you in a weird way but connecting opposites but it was quick because I didn't know when it happened
00:33:59| you know you wait a couple minutes see if there's another breath there wasn't now it's like Sun coming into the room it was like there is for doctors my girlfriend the another doctor but here
00:34:10| Dylan he's creepy you know he's just like he doesn't really exist you're wondering you're like no he's not but um but it was the opposite with my son because there's a suddenly there's a new
00:34:29| person in the room it was like a person that didn't exist in anywhere just happened it was like a seventh person and it was like you know this person is a baby this person is crying this person
00:34:42| sounds like a pterodactyl my son sound like a parrot act like swing around for no reason but it was funny cuz they wanted me to cut the umbilical cord and I didn't
00:34:57| I forgot that they did that so I was like yeah give it to me it was awful scissors with a one side long and I was like I tried it like three times it would really cut so and
00:35:07| come over and help me and they're like okay it's hard to cut man thinks it is rubber rubbery yeah so so then they're like you know don't dad stay here they call you dad
00:35:21| it's the best they call your dad the whole time they don't know I first name cuz they don't know you know at all you know who they don't give me that everyone's a dad
00:35:28| to them dad dad any man in that room is dead so then they bring them over and they got a do I think there's like eight Tests they do they don't tell you this oh yeah they're checking that there's
00:35:38| business to do Oh two levels or something this it's not like a height weight thing they're doing some weird stuff and you know it but they won't tell you they're like I'm over here
00:35:48| everyone creepy guy we need you we need to prove you know they like mm-hmm I don't think I missed is uh like the first time I wish this to go he's born always holding my fender oh I think he
00:35:58| understands what I'm saying and like he's responding the second time it was made like a little bit more somber because he was like he's on the edge of like needing to go to the the
00:36:07| ICU the NICU like whele yeah and but um he was actually bigger than my first one so he was generally stronger too it's weird how you started pair them but uh like actually they had like the
00:36:20| oxygen mask on him and the little warmer thing and you could see like the I I was there when like the the redness like he has like purple body and you can see the
00:36:30| line of oxygen filling up his body slowly filling a month that's a clean his health bar was like dude dude I mean I went over with my son and they were like bring them back to the mother and I
00:36:50| had never held a a baby before and be my own son so there's this word disconnect where I know this is the most important person I like I know this is my future and I know he's everything and this is
00:37:04| the most beautiful in my life but it's this thing that was in my hand I didn't know how to hold him and I was like oh you're just like whoa stop doing that it's just like it's like a thing and I
00:37:15| didn't know what was comfortable for it and I was like doing look cool I'm like it's kind of like a combination of has it look cool and then I am showed him to his love and I was like he's ours
00:37:26| like I was trying to be as we go cuz she's out of it she has you know what I'm saying all doctors are still in the room but they're cleaning up and doing their thing so it's just like me putting
00:37:37| on a show but I didn't go with the show us yeah and it was so weird I was like he's all ours so he's like making dinosaur noises crying I don't like full look like I
00:37:51| didn't know you know what I mean it was just so weird it was beautiful but it was weird I never done it the first time it felt like it was rushed through so I did what you did I held me and I was old
00:38:04| like idea Park were they holding him next to her to the idol and boom he was going and were next room I don't know worm supposed to be enjoying if I think said that's also true but the second
00:38:15| time you also though pack upon you you figure it took a lot longer because he was on the fence because his oxygen up guys were a little bit lower and like they called in like another team like a
00:38:26| NICU team to evaluate him so like my wife she was out like they hit they gave her some medicine and she was like boom she's gone I didn't have to photo op yet anybody I was just next to him and like
00:38:36| being a that already like I know he can feel my touch and he can hear what I say but he can't really see you their vision is blurry the first two weeks or so so like
00:38:45| I wasn't talking to him he liked the way he would respond like I already know like the tones that my son enjoys like they would like the content here okay like if I start talking to him he's like
00:38:56| calm down stop crying and like I think they realized that like I I'm already dead like most people ask you that in the hospital like there's 90% women on staff it's a sexist environment I will
00:39:08| say but very purposely but like the women there they all came together there's like four of around my baby trying to decide whether you go to the knick read NICU and like they're all so
00:39:21| indecisive so this would be weird for me how did you feel did you want someone to decide leeway it on one of the other because wouldn't it be weird so isn't it
00:39:32| think he's okay you're like okay like dude I mean it's like the goddamn NICU the thing about this means that they're I mean they're always searching for like some reason or like some excuse like not
00:39:46| to be like they don't want to pinpoints it I'll never say he's a hundred percent perfect or like you're right this is the this is the most beautiful baby like they're never gonna be like give
00:39:55| anything factual about your baby being physically 100% so like I'm waiting there and it literally took about 20 minutes for them to talk back and forth and like decide and like they're like
00:40:06| what about this they put him at that on a second did you hear the whole thing yeah I was standing right there I know you could what am i yeah and they don't know that like I'm aware of like what
00:40:17| they're talking about and like the level but what they tell you is like they'll give you a number like 95 is a good number for partial oxygen Espio X yeah that's so weird um mine was in from low
00:40:32| near whatever hear that yeah hear the cell understand one American Idol folks probably but um I think we had to keep like I said above Newport House online but a year and a
00:40:49| half old okay yeah there might be right right right but weird so yeah we're waiting is fine eventually but still it's the it's the difference of opinion between medical staff that
00:41:03| really like puts you in on it not on edge but like doesn't add up sometimes right you know there's there's other variables that no one's talking about yeah we're of other opinions that are
00:41:16| happening in your own what are they let's hear I know what's going on and the way since its 90% female the way women argue about things it's like really passive in a way they're not
00:41:27| going to like be like they are as they're medically trained they're taught their mitt they're trained to talk about a b c and d but then they start like once you get past all those things it's
00:41:36| like I don't know I don't want to take charge and say this baby's routine I mean we don't need to do this now the team but do hold on but do you want to be the person that does take charge not
00:41:49| opportunity or take right I mean would you want to I wouldn't I would say it I mean good if not is the baby he's got one already I don't know need it's thick the babies
00:42:09| babies are actually pretty resilient it's surprising like they're very fragile but not as fragile as they look and they're stronger than they look well they're dealing with pretty big trauma
00:42:19| they go from an amniotic sac filled with all their nutrients to like open daylight um wait what we talked about at one point all the germs they get covered in day one or new bacteria do bacteria
00:42:34| that they've never been introduced to and they're like thrust into a world where they have to breathe through their mouth and like light is shined in their face and they've never used their eyes
00:42:45| really they're cold like though the main things that they cry about of being like being cold or not are being hungry most the third line is that they just need to poop or for yeah I saw like a can
00:42:58| they're poking them too they need to check his blood so they're poking them getting blood out you guys have more Konya dude oh yay a little frozen up folks were
00:43:07| spooked oh I don't leave that without that Marconi on baby how many diapers did you change like what percentage do you think of the first well hold on I'll tell you with
00:43:16| mine right now I probably need sixty five percent of the diapers I mean we know in hospital while in the hospital because I have another bit on there I am in the nurses too this is my welcome to
00:43:32| you I was very hands-on my son but uh you know the meconium yeah he pooped it into my hand oh wow did it shoot out like a tar snake no it was like a slow-moving
00:43:49| snake and I was like I was literally changing his diaper because it's like what I was like black discs they lovely but it sound exciting I went to it's a white bone because it looked wet like
00:44:02| whatever and had a plan there's like a little something slides Brown sludge went to wipe it and he was maybe a day to day old unless should probably pay and the rest of it for this functional
00:44:15| meconium is the first poop a baby has because the baby hammer is okay I found that it's like this because it's not real food it's like the stuff they built yeah and you know they builds I'd yeah
00:44:32| inside even a Medusa right babies ever poop tray yeah skirt so this is the first poop a baby will have it like you spread it out and it's like a cat very tari I actually
00:44:48| wiped in like he he had some like inside of him like his balls and when I wiped he's like this lightly pulled it out of us goes yeah it's token and uh oh dude I'm just gonna wipe things up cuz a kid
00:45:01| it's all gonna be bad so I'm cleaning my kids buck as I see something on there and like I would change his diaper anybody was wet day one or whatever and I'm like uh ZZ I got a wet wipe in a
00:45:10| hand well as soon as I did it he just must have just relaxed and all that who came out into my hand and I was like trying to catch it with the wet wipe it was it
00:45:18| ah the other thing is that you have nurses there but the nurses I guarantee hundred percent they don't want to change a dirty diaper like there's no point you probably teach so many diapers
00:45:31| are like these these guys no they're fine oh my god they're homeless okay fine well you're also paying the nurse to be there and do this
00:45:39| so there's an awkward you or you're like oh like I'm like if I am I gonna pretend to fall asleep and stay asleep diaper I'm just like did you do it of course I mean they come on everyone minutes can I
00:45:55| don't let you stick it easily dude that's that's the worst part is really like the second baby slept like 3 hours at a time he'd wake up and you'd be like boom feed 30 minutes he's gone
00:46:07| three hours later he'd be gone so he kept waking up and it was fine but the nurses and everyone else they'd show up at like 11:00 at night 12:00 like midnight
00:46:17| they'd be like have you let's do this let's do that let's check breastfeeding like every nurse is like can I can I show you that Sean yes let's check the latch let's check
00:46:26| that it's like they're all a little different weight they all have their own commentary and their own guy in my wife nervous that's all yeah yeah they do they make everyone nervous their link
00:46:39| has even let you look at the right angle and you're like why not going but I didn't hear from this angle thanks go to the video hold did you tell me about the odd is it soothing all boring yet good
00:46:51| get boob boob traction every day anything good everything's great the thing is he's strong like he's just like right on top of it and he's like like ten seconds
00:47:00| later he's he's in this hip voice it is nothing yeah there's also a weird thing that happens with the nipple play prior to having baby but like you know those those are mine when you get sexually
00:47:17| active you're getting a little physical and then within like maybe you know maybe a month maybe two weeks there's a white baby yeah yeah she's like this doesn't I don't know it's like well this
00:47:29| is I'm like but I like it so I'm gonna she's like stop feeling it so you're like oh those aren't mine anymore birth I think we need tells my weeks two weeks before the birth it was definitely
00:47:41| like it was over it was all yeah off limits like this is like there's some weird chemical thing turn dude bet yes food bag sir well some of the food bag you're out dude
00:47:53| bless your hungry laughs I have you tasted breast milk before I thought I miss read similar coffee it's like you know they have the pumps whatever yeah yeah wherever I think it was like going
00:48:14| bad or - wait you came for a week you know where it is oh my god Freeza weird months the other issue that's so crazy that you say that because I forgot we used to do breast pumps and freeze it
00:48:30| and have it for later and then like I knew the ounces to the to the tea I couldn't tell you how many frickin ounces the kid has is it 2 or 3 or 1 or gonna help you just started I don't know
00:48:48| what like it starts with like to ask bottles with a class okay it is they get more more right okay yeah they got like four and then go to eight I don't think they go to 16 I'm not sure we haven't
00:48:59| gotten there yet fucka my child will need a pounder of breast milk oh yeah then don't mustache off oh boy just have three different hose sizes and just bless it in your car so another
00:49:18| crazy thing on first child is um you're in the hospital people come in that room every 10 minutes you gotta sign 800 forms there's 400 from people I don't even know half the positions on the head
00:49:30| nurse of lactation on the poop nurse I make sure everyone's pooping fine I'm the nurse who's checking on your girlfriend oh she find a she pooping fine and
00:49:39| there's a poop nurse for her poop and then there's like there's so many yours is on the head nurse I'm just here to tell you on the I'm a vagina notice features liars yeah
00:49:48| I'm the inside vagina vagina ah verge had c-sections c-section nurse it's like oh my god so many goddamn people um so when it comes time to leave everyone's relieved it's been three four days
00:50:04| I think c-sections three to four right it's good natural birth is two to three sound like that right mm-hmm can't sleep weird thing is when they everyone and their mother comes out to
00:50:16| the car make sure the car seat works make sure the baby seat works make sure the baby's in right and then they did this at our place oh no that was big guy that's mm that
00:50:26| bothers me though it's like hold on this is the other part right away from me as soon as they were John Capel out of here and the door closed and he walked over to the front and then back into the
00:50:44| driver's seat and it got in and I think she sat in the back with him yeah the first time we drove home she sat in the back and I was like I don't know how to drive home first thing I tried for a
00:50:57| living and I was like scared to drive super slow you roll down the window you're like nurse nurse can can you drive me home all these people been up your butt annoying you do whatever and
00:51:10| now for the first time in your life it's it's just you two so there's like an experience there that when you have a second child you have two cars okay so I'm gonna ask you this is the second
00:51:21| time or you're like hey peace folks yeah see ya I was just like making sure my wife wasn't like hurting herself in any way like get the car baby so super PES came back everything is good I was like
00:51:40| I didn't even think about like checking on the baby it barely fit in the damn seat so wait first your favorite page baby during all this it's not like your Swedish first vub birthday Eddie
00:51:52| so the first was at home being watched by his grandmother okay so stayed home had nothing to do with this so but we couldn't see him at all when you're driving usually there's a mirror
00:52:02| and I think there wasn't it was like oh we probably should have done that before I am but oh well let's go okay first baby wouldn't it la a beta but it was really quiet so like halfway through
00:52:15| Atlanta like stoplight I like leaned back way and just like trying to see if I could see like a foot that's another thing so like I saw like the I don't know the oxygen line or whatever they
00:52:28| turned from like deep purple to like a pink reddish and like my first baby my first son he like he had issues where I could tell like he was having couldn't breathe for like 30 seconds so like I
00:52:41| know immediately with her a baby he's like dying really yeah ra so like I just like look at their foot and like if I can see their foot spinkle he's fine I think he's not gonna use them because
00:52:54| it starts at the foot and works its way up that's their signify yeah yeah or lips lips turn purple - okay that's the scary part of lips turn deep Nate / pointers so who do I have to react i
00:53:07| laughter activist let's let's do this faces let's heal and heal this personality from the record everything we're talking about tonight is the nut the callus scientific or risk the
00:53:20| factual part of baby work yeah there's a there's a know is a magical cool stuff there is a moments where you sleep right this is feel so beautiful we'll all right that's like a
00:53:35| bath we're not emotionless robots or think that having a baby is just a process but it is for those at home it's both just to check these literally Billy I will
00:53:46| have sex with you check we'll have your baby great I will take care of it with nutrients like you have no dreads check but um it's a weird balance between the two yes mostly yeah
00:54:04| because you have this like systematic method of like changing diapers and like feeding em thank you sure he's okay like the way you wrap them up swaddle him specialist well you're right
00:54:15| about God about swaddling Dean is so weird that I forgot about these things but I feel like they're they're so easy to pick up I guess right yeah well it seems like did you take a course for the
00:54:26| second baby wait did you have to do a course it's not doing a damn course on this shit like that did you do a course in the personal well I went to like one course
00:54:34| on something they told me at the end of check for like they were gonna do a tests on the baby seat now stream panel off to do this shit baby see honey everyone makes a big deal
00:54:43| about the car seat but so the second time around you don't to take any courses I'm not gonna do any courses today dude I was nonconformist so like any
00:54:54| time they're like oh let's the brains are like evidently and I'm just like who needs this guard it like I don't need let me generalize too you know damn assembly but the first time I have I get
00:55:06| an assembly this time around like whatever nurse was like oh let me just I was like this is my second child and they be like oh okay you got it and they like back the hell
00:55:17| off lady and there are some nurses that would not back off they're like oh you got you dissing are just like hmm get out like like I want to I wanted to say that like put my face did I like my
00:55:29| face was just like I don't have to deal with your shit cuz I already know how to do all this lady and I think there's this hospital there's a high a high percentage of I would say probably just
00:55:41| to make sure I'm not legally sued later on there's probably a high percentage of feminists there that are like they don't acknowledge men at all like you'll be you'll be sitting in the corner of the
00:55:53| room or like waiting for someone to come in they don't even look at you don't even say oh hi hi hello hello they're not reference for me because I don't even have the same last name like
00:56:03| oh you're like that idea I felt like I was a deadbeat like that's how that's how they make you some of them make you feel I won't say that I guess um she's the nation it's her trying to shore it
00:56:16| is maybe the father's the question market if you fill your name they're like well think about it remain the mother the mother can't be a question mark right that's true so they're not
00:56:24| going to be like question right here like a mother in quotes okay mother I'm here for the father where she it's consoled you rubbed your back yeah today
00:56:37| are you okay do we can you wheel her out of here please the baby you can we have a room next door you could just be so great well why be can you leave what we're trying to do
00:57:00| something here trying to promote something maybe you can leave oh yeah amazing by the way but swaddling so no one showed me how to swaddle and like now I'm just like boom
00:57:11| boom done you mean that's all you need you don't need some Slyke oh you fold this part and then you like tuck it in there and tuck is like no you don't need any of that shit you just pop it in
00:57:20| there I can't have to move yeah it's a straitjacket for babies it's pretty simple it's kind of crazy so uh as your second dilling sleep wise you getting some good
00:57:34| sleep he's in three hours sleep for three hours wake up boom thirty minutes later so back asleep it's fantastic I slept like it's almost a full night last night I woke up right
00:57:45| in the middle but did a diaper change and boom back at it the problem here is the complication of having another child that's gonna be all the weekend child that doesn't follow it schedule that's
00:58:00| helpful for me I say then painfully cuz I know he's gonna wake up and like 6:30 stay up till like 8:00 watching the whole time and he's like I'll baby baby and it's just like no now I'm gonna make
00:58:12| sure you don't don't step on your mom don't steal her medicine don't try to grab the baby don't do anything annoying just don't help don't hurt don't do anything all right
00:58:29| all right daddy eee-eee-eee who's that hmm so do you think what's maternity leave you should average I know it's different every to have an FMLA which is
00:58:44| guaranteed three months to come back to your some job but they don't pay you so surely unsellable is paid at all no there are some companies like the oil companies around here they'll give you
00:58:55| like two or three months maternity leave and paternity leave someone like the saves oh yeah like my brother-in-law he got three months of paternity leave which was better than my my sister so
00:59:13| it's a it's like what the hell's that tell you whether I will say that we are quote unquote the best country in the world and we don't give a shit about the other people I don't like that think we
00:59:24| are because like are there other countries that automatically are you get three months off you get to bond with your bite of your baby you get to do everything you to make sure that
00:59:31| everything's healthy and fine before you leave your baby we can do a whole podcast on this but for the record we will SH okay good do you think we used to be the best country in the world at
00:59:42| one point maybe like 20 years ago 30 years in probably the 90s so like because a nice that make sense do you think we are far from it right now if you don't like do you think we
00:59:55| still are I don't know if you didn't say that I don't care a was like a republic can only last by 200-300 years they say we're approaching that so it's like maybe we're in the downfall should
01:00:06| reform another Republic fair not against that I think I'm gonna treat the United States of America's migrate to join all continents together totally cut out like a lot of states that are shitty but
01:00:20| let's not this another five yes I was just getting into was all right whoa I didn't say that I actually have a camera that is watching the baby right now so I'm making sure everything's okay check
01:00:41| it check it check it I'm trying to figure out my wife's emotional stuff she's kissing the baby repeatedly which I don't know is good or bad she loves it that's a bad time did she love this baby
01:00:51| that's my code right out get out hit out number three on our list you just can't keep dropping so here's an interesting thing today I am it did the lawn with my with
01:01:06| my ride mower I fucked it terrible yeah it's too blunt it's too short did the lawn only took me two hours yeah illiterate ladies then afterwards it was
01:01:28| so it's been raining here for like five days straight there's my closer storm just it's five massive weather here the weather let's back all the babies so it's sloshy slushy and slushy my lawn
01:01:42| is so wet I make footprints when I walk so I have a you know twelve hundred pound ride mower before the two inch fried mower from husqvarna I would say if they want to promote me that's fine I
01:01:57| think that's great it's one of their better models alright anyway when I would ride it this morning cuz I had off today and by off today I mean watch my son you do everything I
01:02:10| have to do or else it would leave tire tracks it ripped up the mud and I was like oh my god I did you know molds our son whenever you do things is he too heavy to hold he's way too heavy
01:02:21| my kid is a 99 percentile weight goddamn giant people think like it's like bed and stuff they're like I'm like he's only been raised he's not eight everybody's like seven or eight either
01:02:39| like he just she's not even for this kid is a beast I hate him I love you so I'm watching you I'm gonna say where are the obsess yeah under my bed or payments coming your way but anyway
01:03:06| Brown was so wet yes did it was living like ripping up tyre marks so waited nine hours till the end of the day I did this like 7:00 p.m. did my whole on I think I've really in some areas because
01:03:21| I'm soaking wet Oh Brad screws track balls getting in I have no idea it and I did the weed whacker cuz you can't just do the lawn I do the weed whacker afterwards cuz
01:03:32| there's little areas where the weeds turning him huh and you can't just do that you gotta use the leaf blower at the end because you can't leave all that crap laying around okay
01:03:42| there's much to do that's annoying so then after that she doesn't give them baths because their hands it's like your skin so I had to give them the band at that point I was getting ready for a
01:03:54| podcast about babies I know this is awful idea I hate babies and kids everything and then I was brushing teeth and then I was rushing down here to do this and it occurred to me that there's
01:04:07| like certain jobs that are man jobs certain jobs that are woman jobs women get eternally men get this I think maybe the idea of the job which let's say a woman is um supposed to do laundry
01:04:21| supposed to do caring for the child is supposed to do dinner cooking cleaning cleaning this up gaining all this stuff because I end up doing a lot of woman jobs with my maid job that also is a
01:04:38| good point yeah you bring that anything like if you think about a man and a woman taking care of a baby it's like the woman's take care of the baby she's doing a 90 percent of it not true
01:04:47| there's necessarily I think things have changed a lot as 1020 years which is interesting about maternity and paternity leave right yeah and I wonder in the we have to do a pisode on this
01:04:59| whether the developed countries treat men and women the same I did like a balance like what I think they say they do I don't did it do you think that guilt
01:05:08| the man and going back to work because he probably makes more money because it's the sexist environment that favors been a little bit I also think this check this so growing up I always saw
01:05:18| women were more more the men may be true Holloway do you think it's because women are expected to a the laundry beat the cleaning raising the child all that stuff I find I do
01:05:32| love it right but I find I'm doing a lot of that right now in my life mm-hmm you have so much of my god damn tons ha ha that I don't have as much time for my hobbies as I would like I'm not to play
01:05:45| only new hobbies those drums no no it's it's not too hobby that's the issue it's the ton like putting in like I listen to a podcast you can still become mentally aware of other things like you can't
01:05:57| physically do things but you can be hold on you think my goddamn you think I'm like a goddamn hobby to be listened to podcast that's the more music hobby listening I still listen to music it was
01:06:09| the music - have you if you maybe you take a woman in that role do you think a woman's like I'm gonna listen to X Y & Z while I'm doing this thing and do you think she finishes though is happy that
01:06:19| she's listened to them are you happy that you did the laundry or whatever no but if she is she listening to headphones that cut off her hearing for the rest of the house where other stuffs
01:06:28| going on and maybe she watch it kid I don't know if she could play it over a loudspeaker but it couldn't be too loud maybe but I mean like what a regular housewife from the 1990s were to play a
01:06:42| drums like back here these bad boys me have them say yeah she doesn't have that much time to do it is what I'm saying she can't become side of my spectrum she can't I'm siding with the women here
01:06:55| there's something with the way we disparage jobs the United States at least where I feel like women aren't given a fair shake because they're expected to raise the child clean the
01:07:06| house do dinner dishes whatever paid the kid they do a lot of the bathing the dishes like I do a lot of this stuff I also have a job fun will punish job don't have enough time for my Trump's
01:07:19| so what I'm saying to America if they would just listen to me is let's let moms play more drums do you know what I'm saying three months paternity guaranteed would be perfect
01:07:32| three months ready perfect that's just a really let's get all the men had met I said both I thought every month lots hurt it's not like to plug the
01:07:43| beginning no I said it provoked ok ok I like good idea you can't agree the president we turn 35 i'm panderers for president can you have a corporation for president and be
01:07:58| creative saying I've never say any on this show that might influence America at a different direction nor have you I believe correct no I'm very neutral so how do you feel about our idea our I did
01:08:13| be fantastic I wish I could take three months off there is a pressure so like for my first one I took maybe like I'm taking now to two weeks off but it comes out of my own bank of time and then I
01:08:26| wing that you people man it's eight instead of paid title essentially yeah I have a tiny vacation for it okay but some of my first one had a medical issue that happened like when he was like 1 to
01:08:40| was getting pressure from all my work bosses to do more work and if I was a pussy I mean a wimp I would have to do that work and like I would just like slug her along with it but at that point
01:08:54| I was a badass and I was like no f this I'm not helping you because I need to take care of this stuff and they backed off and then one yeah I won like they might have like not giving
01:09:05| me a raise for sir like for like that reason but you know after you guys I know who sucks because you're not gonna acknowledge that I have an issue so it's like the work at that point doesn't
01:09:16| deserve me to to to be a full-time employee and I'll just say I want to shift my direction away from the people who suck and I'm gonna work on this because this person actually
01:09:25| acknowledges that I need some some sort of change in my my routine it says hmmm but people don't I mean people without children if their bosses they're usually horrible bosses
01:09:37| and maybe people as well so in other words any filled up people who don't have kids so like that you get that standard like they this like emptiness that they won't
01:09:49| acknowledge but then they'll somehow generally comment on children like he ever had that person that was just oh they're fantastic but they don't have any I agree with you but I don't I think
01:10:01| who's just in for the weekend was it I know Oh annoyed be humble you bring out there a little a little bit and I it's always like a fake fantastic that was the way I was spinning it off
01:10:15| that's that's a good way to put it I put in two ways up one way on someone who doesn't have kids doesn't understand the full human experience the time honestly impression and all that violation oh we
01:10:29| didn't even get it this time compression do that's a whole episode do you want it real quick alright I'll go broke like they do it when you have a kid time changes literally time changes someone
01:10:41| let's say this is like yeah of course your kids busy no time changes I'm saying this so loud I wanted to scream in it time changes I before a kid if I get a text message try get back to a
01:10:56| couple hours oh ten minutes two minutes it's important yeah am sure I keep if I have a text it could sinful week in my friggin inbox and then I'll answer it like one day but I'm like that busy I
01:11:09| don't like yeah cool idea dude and then like I send it like that's the way it's gonna go when I have a kid yeah we gotta meet up and get drinks yeah I mean yeah my bro we gonna be able to get drinks
01:11:21| very difficult text until to us later well hold on II forget the text how about the act of a meeting of been drinking yeah hold on my wife hold or find a veal butter or hold up I'm guess
01:11:32| I'm at like eight eight months hey hold on I get a time in October are you good to get drinks and hang out and just shoot the shit like not if it's the best friend it's like a tertiary bread uh-huh
01:11:46| get like know you'll be able just group in disappear they don't even right it's nice for years don't be a tertiary friend who disappear for two straight years where
01:11:56| I'd never that's what symptom with us I mean we bought it for kids and it was just like well we're on cousinship is over but but on the
01:12:05| record you can reconnect and everything's like no like we did I think dudes do that more more so than women women kind of hybrid a great it's a little tighter and that's a bit that
01:12:15| sounds sexist that does sound sexist has a cat ear it's mostly distant I'll say they have to emotionally reconnect before they could tend more like if you were to have a paw with a pause on it
01:12:28| and like squat each other but there's there's also weird thing where sleep runs into not sleep runs into taking care of someone memory gets a little bit fuzzier you're like a hoodie on things
01:12:42| and then there's a good there's a drive that also hit me before I had my first one that I was like I got to get this done before it happens happen and like you know you can't do like maybe like
01:12:57| not 50 60 percent of what you did before but just because it that time is now gone and then each other going yeah you don't grow up Thanks Thank You Kids you listen to other people who talk about
01:13:07| their lives without children and how busy they are and what they do and they procrastinate and you can just in your mind you're like you're just sitting on the couch watching a TV show and doing
01:13:17| nothing else like I know it I know it for a fact and like I can't do that like I'm watching a kid I might have a show on in the background I can't pay attention to it for maybe ten percent of
01:13:27| the time and you know I'm thinking about you know lunch for this kid I gotta change his diaper I get another diaper change do we have any frozen milk I got a
01:13:35| brother oil on bruising okay how many do we have yeah babe you got a pump more there's always things going on while you're like I'll take care of it I hear you said
01:13:44| time for it isn't change I think I think if ever Kate yeah and all this is going on while you're also still trying to maintain your regular life you're like I got a podcast you're like I want to keep
01:13:55| up with the Joneses I want to read about the Kardashians we don't really have Kardashians I'm just saying there might be someone to do one read about
01:14:03| well today is called nights don't do their booth miles I know you do we don't I'm gonna come back to that now come back next time I will say that in my mind there's like the people in my
01:14:16| life and there's clock's ticking and it's like you have to have the clocks tick and a line at the right time and then it's like as as a parent with multiple kids a single kid you're like
01:14:27| oh boy we'll go ahead look I have 15 minutes to do what I want to do so there's no procrastination it's like I've been planning this 15 minutes for two weeks I'm gonna take it right now I
01:14:38| run upstairs I start programming feverishly I'm like I gotta finish let's go finish this and I don't finish it and then the pot oh wait oh wait um the video games you know play like not since
01:14:52| there's a guilt thing oh there's also a writer I agree did you feel compelled to do everything your partner's doing which is the wrong feeling she's strange to say
01:15:04| but there's things that she can do that she does well and she can do independently there's things that you can do well and you can just compliment what she doesn't want to do or doesn't
01:15:13| do and that's that's the key for the second one it's like she's taking care she's doing all the feedings right now she's doing everything that she wants to do anything she doesn't wanna do I'll do
01:15:24| that but only then I'm not gonna help her through the other things because there's no reason right because there's no reason you're wasting your time plus you have another child you got to take
01:15:32| care of him you've got other issues you've got work you've got stuff you've missed on because you've been out of work because you've had a baby it's all feeding into
01:15:42| weird loop where tongue gets effed up yeah I didn't realize how much time I had before at a baby anyway now all so much oh my god times I told this to the last three to four to five people but
01:16:00| had deep talks within the past week and I haven't told you yet it doesn't get on it's I mean we recovered it but there's one commodity in life that you can't replace it's not money it's not cool
01:16:18| shirts job shirts birds are great found out money it's got cool shirts it's not too on podcast it's not it's not getting drunk with your friends when you're 35 or whatever
01:16:38| obviously I think it sound a bit but um it's true I just want to ex girlfriend I had who's over the house the other day she's like talking like that stuff she does with people I know I'm like wow
01:16:50| what are you doing just wasting me Christy you getting together oh we do brunch with remotes and all this on the console and how much fun and then she said like and then later if
01:17:01| anyone's weather the neighbors having a party we're doing a drunk barbecue and I'm like she's like she's like she's like its but it's both I mean it's it's it's your bill I didn't have it but
01:17:14| you're like this is better my kids are better than all that surprisingly they are but they're not I say the kid is the highest peak of human existence and the lowest love oh yeah
01:17:24| it's bullshit all over your plans and then laugh at you and you're like it shit on you and you'd be like literally but um oh but I told the person it's not money about this the greatest commodity
01:17:40| in life is time because you can't get time back times what you use for your hobbies enjoyment listen to the music plan the e thumbs playing those a drum sitting there I don't have time for this
01:17:57| I've never seen you play them actually um I play him a lot my kid um I sit him on this computer here and be like hey you don't play Portal - great - I believe girl ten minutes is you eight
01:18:08| minute no four minutes he comes over he's like he wants to play the drums she doesn't know he doesn't jump in portal he wants me to jump for him I'm like he knows all the pauses tell
01:18:20| you can that's what he says I'm like this a but we have an Xbox controller did you do it you need like Wednesday's it's like a a wireless keyboard thing you just like
01:18:32| there's your plan it could be like an extra phone dad a jump knee I've had to jump and go with the beat going to be good so anyway um time is the ultimate commodity and by having a second child
01:18:49| for the record don't have three haha for the record um having a child increases difficulty in life by 100 percent let's say looks like a big it has five levels where you go like easy get medium hard
01:19:04| extra hard in the nightmare sure yeah I would say you're probably playing the medium without a child with one child's Pratt hard to is probably extra Harnish so do you think it's real it's the
01:19:16| nightmare what's interesting is even by saying that one child increases it by doesn't increase it by another 100 instead it increases if I take yeah okay together like all right by your diapers
01:19:38| but we used toys and banana diapers that's cool yeah like wheat we've swaddled this episode wrapped up so it can move it positive store forever only touch on anything else I mean I we could
01:20:13| spend an episode all the time it's been an episode on friends with kids it's been absurd on a second kid alone no no this is good because I'm not sleep-deprived but I will be getting
01:20:26| there and then we're gonna get to an episode on sleep deprivation prior in a week and I we'll be out of it and mentally I feel sharp but I know in that research that's
01:20:37| a thought yeah basically searched physically researched my body has been through it so we'll catch you next time guys hey just let the audience know we do
01:20:50| like you you're like oh uh good night tom from the audience Kevin six four six seven we sub dick mm that's interesting no we don't ha
01:21:04| Kevin Kevin please have a great night everyone
00:00:19| forbidden subjects they're all on the chopping block baby we don't pander to popular opinion we might even get a little bit dirty morning this podcast may contain mature language and sexual
00:00:31| content and is for entertainment purposes only so join us have a good time open up your earholes we're gonna ondol your follicles
00:00:43| [Music] all right I am Dan I'm the Nick Nick we are the inventors that's both of us combined forever it was going there surprisingly
00:01:22| surprisingly if we look back I'd say this let me start doing drugs no I just mr. allergy season I do season I'll get into that exciting allergy season whoo it's good we'll hit a barn burner with
00:01:40| your allergy fans out there turning allergens I have any what clarifications from last episode yeah from the memory episode I don't remember most of it but I think that's because my neurons
00:01:53| weren't firing at 150 miles an hour with this close to 140 miles wha so everyone turn down the speed dial uh neurons really moving 140 submalar and you have the number we gave Leslie a hydration
00:02:09| for the 80 and 86 billion neurons in a normal human brain and now we clarified it was 86 but how do we know I'm done Extra Ordinary you know BB gun yeah I'm sure there were stats in there somewhere
00:02:28| no they always pop in my brain ago ah I should put that on a podcast even this podcast shoulda coulda woulda we'll come back to something later when I remember what it was mm-hmm
00:02:41| and you have something to brighten everyone's day well it's fantastic let's sit here can you bring pictures up on the screen I most certainly can I would like to apologize for clicking
00:02:51| in certain segments if you were listening to the previous podcast I was trying to bring stuff up and we never talked about it and I was like I'm not gonna interrupt her because she's a
00:02:58| special guest tell us what you really think folks we heated your tub good further the podcast check out your runner very good you guys
00:03:10| pictures bring up yeah can you look up kiwano kiw ano horn mango Wow that's already you well I guess it's so unique yeah I got it what do you want the picture of it yeah you store the picture
00:03:24| up for everybody so how do you benefits for the actual picture no just a picture really just the picture did you show no even better um grocery shopping with my son he is
00:03:36| being very good today um sometimes real pain in my butt my soul is in the grocery store and I told him it was a dinosaur egg oh nice his eyes were wide these it so anyway we're shopping around
00:03:47| I had to circle back to the produce section so I go by there and he said the dinosaur dead I said yeah I think we're gonna get one oh nice pic of dollar thirty so I bought it right so he's
00:03:59| holding it any with all things that gets pointy like yeah he's like it needs to hatch it needs to be warm awesome bought it brought it home I kind of know you'd
00:04:12| forget about it for a dollar thirtieth figure it's worth a shot maybe I had a little fun with this thing yeah he wrapped it in blanket so we got those amazing so hold on we have this
00:04:23| upstairs uh-huh yeah it's like a blanket under it like he's been keeping it warm and I've been enjoying and pelleting on it no he hasn't sat on it it's you gotta
00:04:36| throw the record books that's please help you want to afford things you will begin in the ER I kind of can't wait to eat it but I can't know cuz it's like you have to you have to have him come in
00:04:47| as many eating dad asked dripping had um so sorry it was so delicious well my girlfriend got into saying to me listen if he really believes it what are we gonna do mean what we gonna do it's
00:05:04| gonna take care of itself it's a fruit it's gonna turn old and go crappy he said you can't do that we have to buy him like a bearded dragon that was like their you don't know I was
00:05:13| kidding me come on I'm not getting rid of real go figure it out and then I was like well maybe maybe we gonna miss stuffed lizard or something yeah I guess that'd work
00:05:22| yeah or a little fake dragon or like um toothless you ever see how to train your dragon over there we're getting a little of those Davila K attached here you go
00:05:31| I mean think I'm plastic it's got to fit inside of it right I mean you're you're tons right not that logical to be like this should thats two large data shut up that's the way dinosaurs are they get
00:05:46| bigger attached and it's bigger than the ank you should get him one of the foam ones that expands the crow oh shrinky dink yeah push your old high school nickname
00:05:59| shrink a little cold water is all it took Oh class those pools anyway chipped it yeah they were British warm yeah luckily the showers that scared me
00:06:16| yeah and everyone else is shrinking moving to the next area of expertise today anything big happen in your life recently I became a yeah it looks like it's as dead ooh you got a tally attack
00:06:36| hey you gonna fish you see my man chest we got a daddy on one site what kind of daddy are you up here with episode 5 or so so 5 what was the joke I actually am NOT a pound a day because
00:06:52| I've not shared any of my shoes with anybody okay but you are a daddy yes I should never in my hashtag daddy the second time right and together we're hashtag daddies if anyone wants to find
00:07:06| us on the internet that's exactly where you look you're looking for the unbanded you want to find a little more of us here I closed check check any of your local websites
00:07:15| there's some daddy's beer right there so yeah that's don't really talk about the night daddy and the bosses of becoming a dad which that everyone's favorite part a scientific part
00:07:33| is you just magically have a baby pop out of something you call the stork yeah it's on the sprue your wife yeah and then you get one of those dinosaur eggs and it goes inside of it this is gonna
00:07:51| hurt a little will it steady and then you windy source iced it right open boom babies born babies born every 18 seconds did you know I did not know that is that is that a fact
00:08:05| no I ability it's probably more than that oh you and maybe lose that baby born every United States for you in the world whichever ones closer to 18 seconds it's my search the babies are
00:08:24| born each day you make me do the math make me know there's a second or a baby is born every who just type that I'm sure Google we're fixed it for you for four births every second in the
00:08:35| world God Davian so you're that's a lot of babies so no offense you're not even that special yeah that baby's a billion or so but that's I mean I'm in United States it's kind of close to what you
00:08:52| said I mean that's a billion seven billion mark so like some are yes how would you estimate leave any states from the world data through his usual United States
00:09:05| oh yeah but how do you know that we have babies at a proportional amount that other countries so I'm assuming that the United States most consensus it's an industrialized nation your birth which
00:09:16| actually would put your step closer to at home is like I just googled it and it's like every hour these guys are idiots yeah no your anyway for the way I might
00:09:31| be an ad people I always hear comments about our podcasts and people say they like the sound of you typing is that a new keyboard do you like the quickness
00:09:46| I do are your fingers on the home keys I don't look I'd never I mean I went through a class that taught me how to do it well this is probably decades of painful programming
00:10:00| saddening lifestyle and crooked bending Gil reining themselves yeah straight street oh you got attracts too much well this was a street day and for the record I'm a bear you're a bear I like this
00:10:17| shirt actually I got it at Kohl's or something no one knows a point anymore do you see that Mama Bear mama bear video Oh at people's front door no no no there's like so that I saw the clip near
00:10:32| the highway there's somebody already protecting children but she did so the mama bear is actually a police officers female and a guy pulls up he pulls up but he pulls his gun on like children
00:10:46| and and women and he I guess he tries to grab somebody's purse a gunpoint ah and he can shot like immediately by this off-duty cop because she like she had the gun like she had her purse like
00:10:58| this and she pulled the gun rope right behind a purse and like as he pulled his gun away and off-target of people she's like oh babe and then the guy goes right down he's like and he's he's just crying
00:11:10| like a little little B little B little B he this reminds me of a clip I thought the other day where someone is rolling up to a tinted vehicle it's running and if you can't tell on the inside or not
00:11:25| so guy CD look at individual rolls up to the vehicle looks at it can't see anyone he's thinking of stealing it so he walks away he walks back he's like I think I see someone in there and I'm not sure so
00:11:37| this is all on a security camera see the whole thing and he walks just off camera and he comes back with his gun because he pulled out of his pants whatever his little gun so he walks up to the window
00:11:47| and he's like knocking on the window and he can't really see inside but he goes there's someone in there he's gonna carjack him he's a big big thing so the window rolls down and whoever it
00:11:57| is had gun to shoot some like port I think it kills them instantly I'm not sure if he died on camera I'm not sure if I solve it yeah you can't even scope out your target
00:12:06| well I think he thought damn thinks he'll do there but I some old lady I'm going to steal it well if it's an empty car you're just standing there waiting it's always anyway he may have busted
00:12:17| through it at that point no no because he has the guns in it probably take him about five seconds for the length of time that it takes for a child to be born in the United States
00:12:25| Oh five seconds el suelo just give me a couple babies there yeah I mean you know not all yours right I mean though a man who loses how many five hundred million or five hundred
00:12:40| billion sperm I'm off by a lifetime yeah lifetime yeah billion billion five hundred billion you might be able to populate the earth about like 50 times I think women are just as good they have
00:12:52| at least 500 eggs yeah man we're going to do the queer membership we're spiii your ruler and I'd not be right with my yeah good okay cool good good yeah I actually had a child born less than a
00:13:10| week ago I couldn't convert actually correct date your back podcast we always give it one actually we did miss one I got Ben he wanted painted it this one adopted ah the doctor you know at the
00:13:24| end of the year your paycheck will reveal it I'm gonna lose a penny well I'm innocent Oh less sort of happy dear yeah well I can't depend like a fraction like it ten percent of a penny
00:13:35| oh yeah that's it a tenth of it we're good with math your post so exciting is it as insane with second time around look so this is one of the things that I actually want to talk about because uh
00:13:48| okay some people they have the first child and for me I was just like oh it's a baby and like it doesn't I don't know that it hits people really first time at the same time would you say that do you
00:14:00| think what there's too many things going on at once yeah because you you don't know what the future holds and then there's ten people in the room trying to do all sorts of crazy stuff
00:14:08| my wife had a c-section so like let's let's slow it down or let's slow it down and do because there's a lot of people watching right now who've never had a baby yeah
00:14:16| that's true I mean you can go get one every five seconds ZZ spring a gun go to the infirmary that you're gonna get shot I think my mama bear video anyway um babies are born old
00:14:33| fun people have a long time but actually having one is weird it's crazy it's it's not magical and glowing and like loving and it's also not disgusting the worst thing I've ever seen
00:14:48| I can't believe we just saw that harsh Oh your babies have like covered in blood and random stuff and you're like that's still pretty pretty it's kind of a beautiful baby but it's
00:14:58| kind of - it's like you're looking at the umbilical cord and it you're like this is a translucent thing like a blood vessel in it and it's like it's like rubbery feeling when you've got it and
00:15:11| just like you could they asked about the first one the second baby they're like doesn't need it they didn't care about you yeah even the photo person to come around and try to talk photos really
00:15:23| yeah they were like we're not even trying around to these people just screw it my first timers so the first time you have your baby a lots going on I have a
00:15:35| baby that's my son was about that might tell you under your time sure we were c-section and she had a local center it's too personal tiny too tight it was too short low low okay I think that's
00:15:53| like down there they're like if it's that low you just we got one of those too like something's not quite right we're gonna tweak it but you can't really fix it so you're better off just
00:16:04| taking out right laughter okay so you know you're all this build-up all this time she's always complaining I want this thing out of the L of this thing out of it and you're like gonna be a
00:16:17| parent I guess what do you do you baby proof stuff and you buy diapers like I don't know if it's ID you don't know what happens no the first time around you're just
00:16:25| okay let's see what Hammond and you're listening with so much advice oh and all the advice is like it's like it's like make sure you don't feed them after four and then if they cry for whatever change
00:16:39| their diaper at 6:00 every night and then always make sure a bit of whiskey on the tooth and it's like okay grandma that's that's great and then someone else would be like the thing you want to
00:16:50| do is you're gonna make sure your baby is you want to use chocolate powder our founders talking powder you're like you're writing this down you're like and then like there's all this weird stuff
00:17:00| that's coming out of that field and they're like your kids crime just let them cry it's better though I'm cry for an entire evening even if I take nine hour you're like you're like yeah nine
00:17:12| hours and then someone else is like eight kinds of babies crying it needs human contact the skin develops things that will warm the baby and give him better nutrients they're like big
00:17:23| nutrients yeah you're gonna be a mess Alana let the baby come on you want you and you're just like you're writing down everything everyone says you're like oh my god that's gonna lose the pages and
00:17:37| you don't know what any of it means you don't know if any of its bullcrap you don't know some of its important in a little ball that's extremely important you're just like yeah sure and then you
00:17:46| get all the generalities where people are just like spitting out stuff they've heard from other people they don't have children themselves there's like audio you're gonna she's carrying like this
00:17:54| it's a boy handsome boy so yeah okay okay good good okay thanks did you do the gender the first time or you surprised or how'd you do we check we knew it was coming
00:18:05| wait so many ultrasounds that's another thing all under sounds they cost about on in 50 bucks and we did like ten of them pocket might as well here's it here's a weird
00:18:16| thing and maybe I'm the only one felt this way I don't know when they do ultrasounds when they do measuring your baby when they do like oh you don't think your baby's got a crooked finger
00:18:28| this is this one well is it genetic Ishaq nah we don't know for sure no no it's not that stuff but when they're like measuring the head and the lung they're checking the heartbeat and
00:18:41| they're doing all these things on the screen in front this sone sonographer whatever they're cold though whatever they don't talk to you the whole time because they cannot break down yeah
00:18:51| right where a doc has to say but you get nervous I got nervous as shit every time I was like he said a good number is that a bad number like she's not saying anything that's a bad number and then
00:19:03| like they measure your the heart or something and I'd be like oh my god the baby's got too big my heart oh my god the baby's heart's too small I'm not gonna find you getting it from the way
00:19:12| they're drawing their circles and writing their notes but they'll measure it then we go mmm they do like a little and you're like yeah and then they and then they type in it I'm like larger
00:19:24| larger and it's hard it's not cover the whole thing it's smaller smaller but like like nervous cuz it's like the one thing I couldn't control it was my baby's health
00:19:33| like the multi no no the multiple is that you're the dad you have no control for any of it and like it's really control even for the female like the female right right right be any control
00:19:43| either but she's freaking out more than you are and you're just trying not to feed it right right you just want to and then to not beat it what do you do you be quiet
00:19:50| so then the ultrasound person is quiet you should put quiet and then she's quiet because no one knows what the heck to say it's not like you have a long conversation like hey how many of you
00:20:02| how about the Knicks the Knicks are really making moves at golf season I heard that you go that I think he forked entirely okay I'm telling you the Knicks this year man this is their year so it's
00:20:16| just that's the scary stuff for me with babies the medical stuff I can't think it's all jargon the numbers really 11 I wonder because mine was underweight by it was like the curve goes like like a
00:20:30| nice little spread and here's on the bottom but he was following it which is good following the curve we're but I'm not that tiny but my wife is a tiny person she's not a little person but
00:20:39| she's small how just to clarify oh no too small I don't think so I mean I feel like they they have so much like a hesitancy like if this is a little bit different than what we've seen
00:20:53| for they're not going to say everything's fine this is perfect you're gonna there's no problems like that that's like lawsuit lawsuit lawsuit for the Hobby so they don't say anything
00:21:01| exactly they're just like we're gonna check on something we're just gonna monitor it and it's gonna cost you a shit ton of money so lose I keep going you're just like these are gonna hit the
00:21:11| max on my stupid insurance and it's good just don't just let's hit the max today yeah how much how many do right now I'm gonna do our be breathing they're not gonna pay for anything after this what
00:21:25| is completely unnecessary let's do that yeah they're covered by insurance perfect there we go - please of - whatever process pursue Hindi do me - I want to see what's inside I'm gonna say
00:21:38| Dada belly this day some Ray's inside of them so then the big day comes and the actual birth happens yeah yeah was your first a natural or a first was see second we try we made an attempt and
00:21:54| then into a tooth or like this ain't working we got some problems those deals like the labor is too old or something crazy yeah so it was uh used in distress he was in distress multiple times you're
00:22:04| like heart rate dropped out would you hear that you're like you're like well and the thing is we were watching like a movie she was in labor but she wasn't that bad and then I had like stuff I
00:22:15| just had stuff everywhere and then the doc was like without even giving us a hint was just like we gotta go and there's like what was like when we come back we're not in the same room so we
00:22:24| gotta get up all your shit just like excuse me okay you do the double play excuse me everything and I was like dude you like grabbing everything as I go stuff and all the like cords and stuff
00:22:34| and my Katie like my wife's like Bobo get that get that as well and I need that and then she's getting wheeled out of the room I like what what what yeah I understand
00:22:51| it's a weird dynamic because you're like really here's a weird way to learn but you can't do anything and you're really concerned you can't do anything and this
00:23:01| is a third one that no one wonder say I feel cold no I sound cold saying this it's so when you don't even like know where like you don't know how important this
00:23:09| is if you know how important it is because everyone has told you your whole life but you really don't understand know what this baby is even like you don't
00:23:18| know you don't know what it really means and the people don't do it the first time they have the child then they're just like the first picture they take they're like they say something like oh
00:23:26| this is the greatest gift ever given to like you know a lady who just took a picture of a baby that showed us it's like the Nintendo when I guy was a little kid why I was like that that was
00:23:36| the greatest gift I ever got when I was like until until the second one which is a different story because you know you understand what's happening just to be a little over focusing on the first one
00:23:50| here so I can be involved here but yeah there's something weird and hypocritical about being like you literally have no clue what's going on but you pretend these are a pretending that happens with
00:24:03| the first one I don't think I'm not bullshit I don't bullshit all I don't usually but I still remember so let's just go to the birth well um so we were c-section and I sat behind that was she
00:24:18| okay even get there so like they took her behind and you were waiting right there's like a waiting room where you're just like you're not allowed to see the prep and the initiate I was a which is
00:24:28| weird and then you're just like trying you're like trying to find out what's happening you're waiting and you're just like wow just wow I was the whole way I was in the hallway yeah and I was in the
00:24:38| hallway to in from the door hey doors open and then like some other woman gets wheeled like past like and they're like Sir sir and I was like I was like oh that's not my wife I was like uh private
00:24:49| she needs privacy and they they kick getting out a little alway get in the room it's so crazy they made you um so I was like hmm so weird designed for a hospital you can't stand at the door
00:25:02| it's like whatever but yeah you wait and it's like a weird wait because they like ace they're prepping or giving an epidural right making sure all the IV is everything connected all the machines
00:25:14| are working a hundred percent god yeah covering their medical liability okay they do it's made sounds cold but they do I mean it's a job yeah I mean and I'm the curious thing is like I'm medically
00:25:28| studied and my parents are medically one of us trained and one of those medical salesmen gifted wasn't one of them a mutant tip like if he holds up his hand as a scalpel like that I make beautiful
00:25:40| cuts turn our woman but uh yeah so like I'm I'm aware of what's going on and like I could follow along to a medical conversation but no one gives you shit
00:25:55| like they're not gonna feel like let's see really this guy know like let's let's make him follow along they don't they're like well hey good job that's necessary you know 70% of what we're
00:26:05| doing let me explain the other 30% that I went to medical school for so here we're doing yeah they don't do a shit they listen I got work I don't care if you
00:26:13| know sort of what I'm doing he'll be like if you went to your mechanic and he was like doing a pretty big procedure and you're like well I changed the brakes let's go over this
00:26:21| bit big guy what's it screw your undoing over here I did the brakes he's like still doing it you're like let me tell you I can change a being oil and easily getting into the transmission everything
00:26:35| is your leg this tension yeah exactly so I don't have time go away I will say that on the doctors part that what they do is pretty fantastic that they like it's so regular for them that it don't
00:26:50| like it evaluate doesn't spike at all not fantastic though do you know what I mean they're literally doing physical jobs yes mmm-hmm now that I do this did I do this
00:27:00| that's why they keep the humanity out of it they're not like oh my god this is someone's baby movie like gonna mean can these gorgeous like oh good now doctor like they're like I do like 40 days a
00:27:13| week then appeared doctor my baby uh one for 39 good he just because a chalkboard behind me just X's one out yeah mmm he's got a big gorilla mark on a couple of years ago
00:27:28| and he's like don't worry it was recent do for a good and so you guys got called back you're buying the sheet like I was lying as she did you sneak it up and trying to look no but I looked above and
00:27:40| they had something come on metallic no no so they metallic so I could see the reflection off sign of reflection right it was like this door near it distorted images so I could look up and I was like
00:27:52| that's a lot of red or on my girlfriend the midsection I was like oh my god it's probably like just open so in the c-section I believe they cut you around the it's
00:28:03| below the bellybutton right yeah between the bellybutton and the badge I would say technical terms right there between and it's a horizontal cut right yeah horizontal so they cut they go like this
00:28:17| and then what I heard and what I kind of saw off bushy was that your stomach muscles are there so they just have to jerk those muscles to the side the first time I stood up and I took a picture
00:28:29| they have a clamp that goes like right in there and then they kind of like you're like like there's no sound that it makes but I anyway so it's about like sits six inches wide that they make the
00:28:45| thing and it turns from like a slit to an oval so it's like almost circular and the second one I got to see it they messed up there's a whole bunch of TVs and they monitored like regular stats on
00:28:58| one and then they just it to like straight down view so I got to see the baby and the water break and it was just like I mean I'm like that because I'm medically trained but other people Provo
00:29:08| I wouldn't throw up but I wouldn't like it I'd be like doing this I thought it was awesome and the nurses really call you made mistake you made a mistake change into camp change camera but like
00:29:18| my like my wife my wife saw it she probably did but she was already out of it she's gone at that point well wait so what was she doing at the time I remember my girlfriend I was like hold
00:29:28| her hand I was like I kept telling her you're doing so good and she was like yeah she's out of it so they literally are moving your organs around and like to get the baby out they have to do it
00:29:40| really quickly and they have to make sure they don't damage things so there like moving organs around and shifting the body so she's like jerking a little bit right baby can I don't you she's
00:29:50| trying to people think medically stuff is very clean everything there's a lot of like physical jerkiness they're like push it it's almost like wrestling boots up with somebody on the inside of their
00:30:04| body it's unprofessional the podcast but that's what that's what my wife was doing she was like burpin and she like although any food that was in her stomach since it was like a quick one
00:30:18| the first time I came up like literally there's like pushing your stomach into your life into your throat if you throw up yeah oh yeah so it's like well it's a contradiction cuz like there's the
00:30:29| vision in your mind was that you're gonna hold your baby next to your beautiful wife and she's gonna smile but she puked within like ten seconds like doing that so you're just like oh hold
00:30:40| up your baby I was like smile is a fantastic picture so they're doing this thing and like you feel I felt out of place being in the room because I couldn't help medically I couldn't tell
00:30:58| my girlfriend feel anyway because she was having it's almost like it was a here's your reward you get to sit here enjoy your reward and also kind of I didn't sign up for this reward like it
00:31:09| was a weird thing and again I'm not not in the whole process but I'm not medically whatever we really should have medical pervert medically studied yes it's not trained right sorry oh I'm
00:31:26| trained I trained folks but they finally pulled out my son you should always like I do want to say that is cool because there's it's a little bit like the opposite of um someone dying if you're a
00:31:40| bit of the room with someone who died I've not been in the room with someone who died but okay my grandmother was taking her last breaths etc etc she's everyone's around crying and holding
00:31:50| aids and stuff I was like 13 or something and I remember like people are like no one's talking and she's like dying chip sir everything and finally she takes
00:32:00| this like big gas and then like a full minute goes by it she takes another big gas and I was like this is it looks like there's a word for it were you really drowning or something or I can't
00:32:12| remember the word it's it's really a little disturbing if you're 13 but it's like and then you're like after like 20 seconds and then you take another big breath and then you do it like three
00:32:22| four or five times ten times remember how many times eventually right because you're you're just dying you think y'all call them machines everything and then you stop like three minutes go by and no
00:32:36| one says she's dead like everyone says that nobody's isn't no but but there's a weird thing in the room where if there were there were six people in the room at the time including my grandmother I
00:32:50| don't want to be the first one to speak right but this is the weird thing so there are six people in the room including my grandmother you don't logically think of other people in the
00:33:00| room but there's my in our cousin is like selling you know there's always people in the room and you in your brain you always associate a person with a position they are in the room with you
00:33:11| yeah I don't know if that's a scientific thing a social thing and whatever brother mom and not even just that just like it's a person and you put an identifier on a friendship my cousin my
00:33:21| son so if someone's in the room if a person's in a room with you you know it yeah yeah it's like innate it's a thing well when someone dies it's like there were six you now there are five and it's
00:33:35| the weirdest thing because there were six and no one left the room but now there are five guys I can't explain it it's a thing that if you experience it's like there are only five people in this
00:33:48| room right now and don't move no one changed and it's like it hits you in a weird way but connecting opposites but it was quick because I didn't know when it happened
00:33:59| you know you wait a couple minutes see if there's another breath there wasn't now it's like Sun coming into the room it was like there is for doctors my girlfriend the another doctor but here
00:34:10| Dylan he's creepy you know he's just like he doesn't really exist you're wondering you're like no he's not but um but it was the opposite with my son because there's a suddenly there's a new
00:34:29| person in the room it was like a person that didn't exist in anywhere just happened it was like a seventh person and it was like you know this person is a baby this person is crying this person
00:34:42| sounds like a pterodactyl my son sound like a parrot act like swing around for no reason but it was funny cuz they wanted me to cut the umbilical cord and I didn't
00:34:57| I forgot that they did that so I was like yeah give it to me it was awful scissors with a one side long and I was like I tried it like three times it would really cut so and
00:35:07| come over and help me and they're like okay it's hard to cut man thinks it is rubber rubbery yeah so so then they're like you know don't dad stay here they call you dad
00:35:21| it's the best they call your dad the whole time they don't know I first name cuz they don't know you know at all you know who they don't give me that everyone's a dad
00:35:28| to them dad dad any man in that room is dead so then they bring them over and they got a do I think there's like eight Tests they do they don't tell you this oh yeah they're checking that there's
00:35:38| business to do Oh two levels or something this it's not like a height weight thing they're doing some weird stuff and you know it but they won't tell you they're like I'm over here
00:35:48| everyone creepy guy we need you we need to prove you know they like mm-hmm I don't think I missed is uh like the first time I wish this to go he's born always holding my fender oh I think he
00:35:58| understands what I'm saying and like he's responding the second time it was made like a little bit more somber because he was like he's on the edge of like needing to go to the the
00:36:07| ICU the NICU like whele yeah and but um he was actually bigger than my first one so he was generally stronger too it's weird how you started pair them but uh like actually they had like the
00:36:20| oxygen mask on him and the little warmer thing and you could see like the I I was there when like the the redness like he has like purple body and you can see the
00:36:30| line of oxygen filling up his body slowly filling a month that's a clean his health bar was like dude dude I mean I went over with my son and they were like bring them back to the mother and I
00:36:50| had never held a a baby before and be my own son so there's this word disconnect where I know this is the most important person I like I know this is my future and I know he's everything and this is
00:37:04| the most beautiful in my life but it's this thing that was in my hand I didn't know how to hold him and I was like oh you're just like whoa stop doing that it's just like it's like a thing and I
00:37:15| didn't know what was comfortable for it and I was like doing look cool I'm like it's kind of like a combination of has it look cool and then I am showed him to his love and I was like he's ours
00:37:26| like I was trying to be as we go cuz she's out of it she has you know what I'm saying all doctors are still in the room but they're cleaning up and doing their thing so it's just like me putting
00:37:37| on a show but I didn't go with the show us yeah and it was so weird I was like he's all ours so he's like making dinosaur noises crying I don't like full look like I
00:37:51| didn't know you know what I mean it was just so weird it was beautiful but it was weird I never done it the first time it felt like it was rushed through so I did what you did I held me and I was old
00:38:04| like idea Park were they holding him next to her to the idol and boom he was going and were next room I don't know worm supposed to be enjoying if I think said that's also true but the second
00:38:15| time you also though pack upon you you figure it took a lot longer because he was on the fence because his oxygen up guys were a little bit lower and like they called in like another team like a
00:38:26| NICU team to evaluate him so like my wife she was out like they hit they gave her some medicine and she was like boom she's gone I didn't have to photo op yet anybody I was just next to him and like
00:38:36| being a that already like I know he can feel my touch and he can hear what I say but he can't really see you their vision is blurry the first two weeks or so so like
00:38:45| I wasn't talking to him he liked the way he would respond like I already know like the tones that my son enjoys like they would like the content here okay like if I start talking to him he's like
00:38:56| calm down stop crying and like I think they realized that like I I'm already dead like most people ask you that in the hospital like there's 90% women on staff it's a sexist environment I will
00:39:08| say but very purposely but like the women there they all came together there's like four of around my baby trying to decide whether you go to the knick read NICU and like they're all so
00:39:21| indecisive so this would be weird for me how did you feel did you want someone to decide leeway it on one of the other because wouldn't it be weird so isn't it
00:39:32| think he's okay you're like okay like dude I mean it's like the goddamn NICU the thing about this means that they're I mean they're always searching for like some reason or like some excuse like not
00:39:46| to be like they don't want to pinpoints it I'll never say he's a hundred percent perfect or like you're right this is the this is the most beautiful baby like they're never gonna be like give
00:39:55| anything factual about your baby being physically 100% so like I'm waiting there and it literally took about 20 minutes for them to talk back and forth and like decide and like they're like
00:40:06| what about this they put him at that on a second did you hear the whole thing yeah I was standing right there I know you could what am i yeah and they don't know that like I'm aware of like what
00:40:17| they're talking about and like the level but what they tell you is like they'll give you a number like 95 is a good number for partial oxygen Espio X yeah that's so weird um mine was in from low
00:40:32| near whatever hear that yeah hear the cell understand one American Idol folks probably but um I think we had to keep like I said above Newport House online but a year and a
00:40:49| half old okay yeah there might be right right right but weird so yeah we're waiting is fine eventually but still it's the it's the difference of opinion between medical staff that
00:41:03| really like puts you in on it not on edge but like doesn't add up sometimes right you know there's there's other variables that no one's talking about yeah we're of other opinions that are
00:41:16| happening in your own what are they let's hear I know what's going on and the way since its 90% female the way women argue about things it's like really passive in a way they're not
00:41:27| going to like be like they are as they're medically trained they're taught their mitt they're trained to talk about a b c and d but then they start like once you get past all those things it's
00:41:36| like I don't know I don't want to take charge and say this baby's routine I mean we don't need to do this now the team but do hold on but do you want to be the person that does take charge not
00:41:49| opportunity or take right I mean would you want to I wouldn't I would say it I mean good if not is the baby he's got one already I don't know need it's thick the babies
00:42:09| babies are actually pretty resilient it's surprising like they're very fragile but not as fragile as they look and they're stronger than they look well they're dealing with pretty big trauma
00:42:19| they go from an amniotic sac filled with all their nutrients to like open daylight um wait what we talked about at one point all the germs they get covered in day one or new bacteria do bacteria
00:42:34| that they've never been introduced to and they're like thrust into a world where they have to breathe through their mouth and like light is shined in their face and they've never used their eyes
00:42:45| really they're cold like though the main things that they cry about of being like being cold or not are being hungry most the third line is that they just need to poop or for yeah I saw like a can
00:42:58| they're poking them too they need to check his blood so they're poking them getting blood out you guys have more Konya dude oh yay a little frozen up folks were
00:43:07| spooked oh I don't leave that without that Marconi on baby how many diapers did you change like what percentage do you think of the first well hold on I'll tell you with
00:43:16| mine right now I probably need sixty five percent of the diapers I mean we know in hospital while in the hospital because I have another bit on there I am in the nurses too this is my welcome to
00:43:32| you I was very hands-on my son but uh you know the meconium yeah he pooped it into my hand oh wow did it shoot out like a tar snake no it was like a slow-moving
00:43:49| snake and I was like I was literally changing his diaper because it's like what I was like black discs they lovely but it sound exciting I went to it's a white bone because it looked wet like
00:44:02| whatever and had a plan there's like a little something slides Brown sludge went to wipe it and he was maybe a day to day old unless should probably pay and the rest of it for this functional
00:44:15| meconium is the first poop a baby has because the baby hammer is okay I found that it's like this because it's not real food it's like the stuff they built yeah and you know they builds I'd yeah
00:44:32| inside even a Medusa right babies ever poop tray yeah skirt so this is the first poop a baby will have it like you spread it out and it's like a cat very tari I actually
00:44:48| wiped in like he he had some like inside of him like his balls and when I wiped he's like this lightly pulled it out of us goes yeah it's token and uh oh dude I'm just gonna wipe things up cuz a kid
00:45:01| it's all gonna be bad so I'm cleaning my kids buck as I see something on there and like I would change his diaper anybody was wet day one or whatever and I'm like uh ZZ I got a wet wipe in a
00:45:10| hand well as soon as I did it he just must have just relaxed and all that who came out into my hand and I was like trying to catch it with the wet wipe it was it
00:45:18| ah the other thing is that you have nurses there but the nurses I guarantee hundred percent they don't want to change a dirty diaper like there's no point you probably teach so many diapers
00:45:31| are like these these guys no they're fine oh my god they're homeless okay fine well you're also paying the nurse to be there and do this
00:45:39| so there's an awkward you or you're like oh like I'm like if I am I gonna pretend to fall asleep and stay asleep diaper I'm just like did you do it of course I mean they come on everyone minutes can I
00:45:55| don't let you stick it easily dude that's that's the worst part is really like the second baby slept like 3 hours at a time he'd wake up and you'd be like boom feed 30 minutes he's gone
00:46:07| three hours later he'd be gone so he kept waking up and it was fine but the nurses and everyone else they'd show up at like 11:00 at night 12:00 like midnight
00:46:17| they'd be like have you let's do this let's do that let's check breastfeeding like every nurse is like can I can I show you that Sean yes let's check the latch let's check
00:46:26| that it's like they're all a little different weight they all have their own commentary and their own guy in my wife nervous that's all yeah yeah they do they make everyone nervous their link
00:46:39| has even let you look at the right angle and you're like why not going but I didn't hear from this angle thanks go to the video hold did you tell me about the odd is it soothing all boring yet good
00:46:51| get boob boob traction every day anything good everything's great the thing is he's strong like he's just like right on top of it and he's like like ten seconds
00:47:00| later he's he's in this hip voice it is nothing yeah there's also a weird thing that happens with the nipple play prior to having baby but like you know those those are mine when you get sexually
00:47:17| active you're getting a little physical and then within like maybe you know maybe a month maybe two weeks there's a white baby yeah yeah she's like this doesn't I don't know it's like well this
00:47:29| is I'm like but I like it so I'm gonna she's like stop feeling it so you're like oh those aren't mine anymore birth I think we need tells my weeks two weeks before the birth it was definitely
00:47:41| like it was over it was all yeah off limits like this is like there's some weird chemical thing turn dude bet yes food bag sir well some of the food bag you're out dude
00:47:53| bless your hungry laughs I have you tasted breast milk before I thought I miss read similar coffee it's like you know they have the pumps whatever yeah yeah wherever I think it was like going
00:48:14| bad or - wait you came for a week you know where it is oh my god Freeza weird months the other issue that's so crazy that you say that because I forgot we used to do breast pumps and freeze it
00:48:30| and have it for later and then like I knew the ounces to the to the tea I couldn't tell you how many frickin ounces the kid has is it 2 or 3 or 1 or gonna help you just started I don't know
00:48:48| what like it starts with like to ask bottles with a class okay it is they get more more right okay yeah they got like four and then go to eight I don't think they go to 16 I'm not sure we haven't
00:48:59| gotten there yet fucka my child will need a pounder of breast milk oh yeah then don't mustache off oh boy just have three different hose sizes and just bless it in your car so another
00:49:18| crazy thing on first child is um you're in the hospital people come in that room every 10 minutes you gotta sign 800 forms there's 400 from people I don't even know half the positions on the head
00:49:30| nurse of lactation on the poop nurse I make sure everyone's pooping fine I'm the nurse who's checking on your girlfriend oh she find a she pooping fine and
00:49:39| there's a poop nurse for her poop and then there's like there's so many yours is on the head nurse I'm just here to tell you on the I'm a vagina notice features liars yeah
00:49:48| I'm the inside vagina vagina ah verge had c-sections c-section nurse it's like oh my god so many goddamn people um so when it comes time to leave everyone's relieved it's been three four days
00:50:04| I think c-sections three to four right it's good natural birth is two to three sound like that right mm-hmm can't sleep weird thing is when they everyone and their mother comes out to
00:50:16| the car make sure the car seat works make sure the baby seat works make sure the baby's in right and then they did this at our place oh no that was big guy that's mm that
00:50:26| bothers me though it's like hold on this is the other part right away from me as soon as they were John Capel out of here and the door closed and he walked over to the front and then back into the
00:50:44| driver's seat and it got in and I think she sat in the back with him yeah the first time we drove home she sat in the back and I was like I don't know how to drive home first thing I tried for a
00:50:57| living and I was like scared to drive super slow you roll down the window you're like nurse nurse can can you drive me home all these people been up your butt annoying you do whatever and
00:51:10| now for the first time in your life it's it's just you two so there's like an experience there that when you have a second child you have two cars okay so I'm gonna ask you this is the second
00:51:21| time or you're like hey peace folks yeah see ya I was just like making sure my wife wasn't like hurting herself in any way like get the car baby so super PES came back everything is good I was like
00:51:40| I didn't even think about like checking on the baby it barely fit in the damn seat so wait first your favorite page baby during all this it's not like your Swedish first vub birthday Eddie
00:51:52| so the first was at home being watched by his grandmother okay so stayed home had nothing to do with this so but we couldn't see him at all when you're driving usually there's a mirror
00:52:02| and I think there wasn't it was like oh we probably should have done that before I am but oh well let's go okay first baby wouldn't it la a beta but it was really quiet so like halfway through
00:52:15| Atlanta like stoplight I like leaned back way and just like trying to see if I could see like a foot that's another thing so like I saw like the I don't know the oxygen line or whatever they
00:52:28| turned from like deep purple to like a pink reddish and like my first baby my first son he like he had issues where I could tell like he was having couldn't breathe for like 30 seconds so like I
00:52:41| know immediately with her a baby he's like dying really yeah ra so like I just like look at their foot and like if I can see their foot spinkle he's fine I think he's not gonna use them because
00:52:54| it starts at the foot and works its way up that's their signify yeah yeah or lips lips turn purple - okay that's the scary part of lips turn deep Nate / pointers so who do I have to react i
00:53:07| laughter activist let's let's do this faces let's heal and heal this personality from the record everything we're talking about tonight is the nut the callus scientific or risk the
00:53:20| factual part of baby work yeah there's a there's a know is a magical cool stuff there is a moments where you sleep right this is feel so beautiful we'll all right that's like a
00:53:35| bath we're not emotionless robots or think that having a baby is just a process but it is for those at home it's both just to check these literally Billy I will
00:53:46| have sex with you check we'll have your baby great I will take care of it with nutrients like you have no dreads check but um it's a weird balance between the two yes mostly yeah
00:54:04| because you have this like systematic method of like changing diapers and like feeding em thank you sure he's okay like the way you wrap them up swaddle him specialist well you're right
00:54:15| about God about swaddling Dean is so weird that I forgot about these things but I feel like they're they're so easy to pick up I guess right yeah well it seems like did you take a course for the
00:54:26| second baby wait did you have to do a course it's not doing a damn course on this shit like that did you do a course in the personal well I went to like one course
00:54:34| on something they told me at the end of check for like they were gonna do a tests on the baby seat now stream panel off to do this shit baby see honey everyone makes a big deal
00:54:43| about the car seat but so the second time around you don't to take any courses I'm not gonna do any courses today dude I was nonconformist so like any
00:54:54| time they're like oh let's the brains are like evidently and I'm just like who needs this guard it like I don't need let me generalize too you know damn assembly but the first time I have I get
00:55:06| an assembly this time around like whatever nurse was like oh let me just I was like this is my second child and they be like oh okay you got it and they like back the hell
00:55:17| off lady and there are some nurses that would not back off they're like oh you got you dissing are just like hmm get out like like I want to I wanted to say that like put my face did I like my
00:55:29| face was just like I don't have to deal with your shit cuz I already know how to do all this lady and I think there's this hospital there's a high a high percentage of I would say probably just
00:55:41| to make sure I'm not legally sued later on there's probably a high percentage of feminists there that are like they don't acknowledge men at all like you'll be you'll be sitting in the corner of the
00:55:53| room or like waiting for someone to come in they don't even look at you don't even say oh hi hi hello hello they're not reference for me because I don't even have the same last name like
00:56:03| oh you're like that idea I felt like I was a deadbeat like that's how that's how they make you some of them make you feel I won't say that I guess um she's the nation it's her trying to shore it
00:56:16| is maybe the father's the question market if you fill your name they're like well think about it remain the mother the mother can't be a question mark right that's true so they're not
00:56:24| going to be like question right here like a mother in quotes okay mother I'm here for the father where she it's consoled you rubbed your back yeah today
00:56:37| are you okay do we can you wheel her out of here please the baby you can we have a room next door you could just be so great well why be can you leave what we're trying to do
00:57:00| something here trying to promote something maybe you can leave oh yeah amazing by the way but swaddling so no one showed me how to swaddle and like now I'm just like boom
00:57:11| boom done you mean that's all you need you don't need some Slyke oh you fold this part and then you like tuck it in there and tuck is like no you don't need any of that shit you just pop it in
00:57:20| there I can't have to move yeah it's a straitjacket for babies it's pretty simple it's kind of crazy so uh as your second dilling sleep wise you getting some good
00:57:34| sleep he's in three hours sleep for three hours wake up boom thirty minutes later so back asleep it's fantastic I slept like it's almost a full night last night I woke up right
00:57:45| in the middle but did a diaper change and boom back at it the problem here is the complication of having another child that's gonna be all the weekend child that doesn't follow it schedule that's
00:58:00| helpful for me I say then painfully cuz I know he's gonna wake up and like 6:30 stay up till like 8:00 watching the whole time and he's like I'll baby baby and it's just like no now I'm gonna make
00:58:12| sure you don't don't step on your mom don't steal her medicine don't try to grab the baby don't do anything annoying just don't help don't hurt don't do anything all right
00:58:29| all right daddy eee-eee-eee who's that hmm so do you think what's maternity leave you should average I know it's different every to have an FMLA which is
00:58:44| guaranteed three months to come back to your some job but they don't pay you so surely unsellable is paid at all no there are some companies like the oil companies around here they'll give you
00:58:55| like two or three months maternity leave and paternity leave someone like the saves oh yeah like my brother-in-law he got three months of paternity leave which was better than my my sister so
00:59:13| it's a it's like what the hell's that tell you whether I will say that we are quote unquote the best country in the world and we don't give a shit about the other people I don't like that think we
00:59:24| are because like are there other countries that automatically are you get three months off you get to bond with your bite of your baby you get to do everything you to make sure that
00:59:31| everything's healthy and fine before you leave your baby we can do a whole podcast on this but for the record we will SH okay good do you think we used to be the best country in the world at
00:59:42| one point maybe like 20 years ago 30 years in probably the 90s so like because a nice that make sense do you think we are far from it right now if you don't like do you think we
00:59:55| still are I don't know if you didn't say that I don't care a was like a republic can only last by 200-300 years they say we're approaching that so it's like maybe we're in the downfall should
01:00:06| reform another Republic fair not against that I think I'm gonna treat the United States of America's migrate to join all continents together totally cut out like a lot of states that are shitty but
01:00:20| let's not this another five yes I was just getting into was all right whoa I didn't say that I actually have a camera that is watching the baby right now so I'm making sure everything's okay check
01:00:41| it check it check it I'm trying to figure out my wife's emotional stuff she's kissing the baby repeatedly which I don't know is good or bad she loves it that's a bad time did she love this baby
01:00:51| that's my code right out get out hit out number three on our list you just can't keep dropping so here's an interesting thing today I am it did the lawn with my with
01:01:06| my ride mower I fucked it terrible yeah it's too blunt it's too short did the lawn only took me two hours yeah illiterate ladies then afterwards it was
01:01:28| so it's been raining here for like five days straight there's my closer storm just it's five massive weather here the weather let's back all the babies so it's sloshy slushy and slushy my lawn
01:01:42| is so wet I make footprints when I walk so I have a you know twelve hundred pound ride mower before the two inch fried mower from husqvarna I would say if they want to promote me that's fine I
01:01:57| think that's great it's one of their better models alright anyway when I would ride it this morning cuz I had off today and by off today I mean watch my son you do everything I
01:02:10| have to do or else it would leave tire tracks it ripped up the mud and I was like oh my god I did you know molds our son whenever you do things is he too heavy to hold he's way too heavy
01:02:21| my kid is a 99 percentile weight goddamn giant people think like it's like bed and stuff they're like I'm like he's only been raised he's not eight everybody's like seven or eight either
01:02:39| like he just she's not even for this kid is a beast I hate him I love you so I'm watching you I'm gonna say where are the obsess yeah under my bed or payments coming your way but anyway
01:03:06| Brown was so wet yes did it was living like ripping up tyre marks so waited nine hours till the end of the day I did this like 7:00 p.m. did my whole on I think I've really in some areas because
01:03:21| I'm soaking wet Oh Brad screws track balls getting in I have no idea it and I did the weed whacker cuz you can't just do the lawn I do the weed whacker afterwards cuz
01:03:32| there's little areas where the weeds turning him huh and you can't just do that you gotta use the leaf blower at the end because you can't leave all that crap laying around okay
01:03:42| there's much to do that's annoying so then after that she doesn't give them baths because their hands it's like your skin so I had to give them the band at that point I was getting ready for a
01:03:54| podcast about babies I know this is awful idea I hate babies and kids everything and then I was brushing teeth and then I was rushing down here to do this and it occurred to me that there's
01:04:07| like certain jobs that are man jobs certain jobs that are woman jobs women get eternally men get this I think maybe the idea of the job which let's say a woman is um supposed to do laundry
01:04:21| supposed to do caring for the child is supposed to do dinner cooking cleaning cleaning this up gaining all this stuff because I end up doing a lot of woman jobs with my maid job that also is a
01:04:38| good point yeah you bring that anything like if you think about a man and a woman taking care of a baby it's like the woman's take care of the baby she's doing a 90 percent of it not true
01:04:47| there's necessarily I think things have changed a lot as 1020 years which is interesting about maternity and paternity leave right yeah and I wonder in the we have to do a pisode on this
01:04:59| whether the developed countries treat men and women the same I did like a balance like what I think they say they do I don't did it do you think that guilt
01:05:08| the man and going back to work because he probably makes more money because it's the sexist environment that favors been a little bit I also think this check this so growing up I always saw
01:05:18| women were more more the men may be true Holloway do you think it's because women are expected to a the laundry beat the cleaning raising the child all that stuff I find I do
01:05:32| love it right but I find I'm doing a lot of that right now in my life mm-hmm you have so much of my god damn tons ha ha that I don't have as much time for my hobbies as I would like I'm not to play
01:05:45| only new hobbies those drums no no it's it's not too hobby that's the issue it's the ton like putting in like I listen to a podcast you can still become mentally aware of other things like you can't
01:05:57| physically do things but you can be hold on you think my goddamn you think I'm like a goddamn hobby to be listened to podcast that's the more music hobby listening I still listen to music it was
01:06:09| the music - have you if you maybe you take a woman in that role do you think a woman's like I'm gonna listen to X Y & Z while I'm doing this thing and do you think she finishes though is happy that
01:06:19| she's listened to them are you happy that you did the laundry or whatever no but if she is she listening to headphones that cut off her hearing for the rest of the house where other stuffs
01:06:28| going on and maybe she watch it kid I don't know if she could play it over a loudspeaker but it couldn't be too loud maybe but I mean like what a regular housewife from the 1990s were to play a
01:06:42| drums like back here these bad boys me have them say yeah she doesn't have that much time to do it is what I'm saying she can't become side of my spectrum she can't I'm siding with the women here
01:06:55| there's something with the way we disparage jobs the United States at least where I feel like women aren't given a fair shake because they're expected to raise the child clean the
01:07:06| house do dinner dishes whatever paid the kid they do a lot of the bathing the dishes like I do a lot of this stuff I also have a job fun will punish job don't have enough time for my Trump's
01:07:19| so what I'm saying to America if they would just listen to me is let's let moms play more drums do you know what I'm saying three months paternity guaranteed would be perfect
01:07:32| three months ready perfect that's just a really let's get all the men had met I said both I thought every month lots hurt it's not like to plug the
01:07:43| beginning no I said it provoked ok ok I like good idea you can't agree the president we turn 35 i'm panderers for president can you have a corporation for president and be
01:07:58| creative saying I've never say any on this show that might influence America at a different direction nor have you I believe correct no I'm very neutral so how do you feel about our idea our I did
01:08:13| be fantastic I wish I could take three months off there is a pressure so like for my first one I took maybe like I'm taking now to two weeks off but it comes out of my own bank of time and then I
01:08:26| wing that you people man it's eight instead of paid title essentially yeah I have a tiny vacation for it okay but some of my first one had a medical issue that happened like when he was like 1 to
01:08:40| was getting pressure from all my work bosses to do more work and if I was a pussy I mean a wimp I would have to do that work and like I would just like slug her along with it but at that point
01:08:54| I was a badass and I was like no f this I'm not helping you because I need to take care of this stuff and they backed off and then one yeah I won like they might have like not giving
01:09:05| me a raise for sir like for like that reason but you know after you guys I know who sucks because you're not gonna acknowledge that I have an issue so it's like the work at that point doesn't
01:09:16| deserve me to to to be a full-time employee and I'll just say I want to shift my direction away from the people who suck and I'm gonna work on this because this person actually
01:09:25| acknowledges that I need some some sort of change in my my routine it says hmmm but people don't I mean people without children if their bosses they're usually horrible bosses
01:09:37| and maybe people as well so in other words any filled up people who don't have kids so like that you get that standard like they this like emptiness that they won't
01:09:49| acknowledge but then they'll somehow generally comment on children like he ever had that person that was just oh they're fantastic but they don't have any I agree with you but I don't I think
01:10:01| who's just in for the weekend was it I know Oh annoyed be humble you bring out there a little a little bit and I it's always like a fake fantastic that was the way I was spinning it off
01:10:15| that's that's a good way to put it I put in two ways up one way on someone who doesn't have kids doesn't understand the full human experience the time honestly impression and all that violation oh we
01:10:29| didn't even get it this time compression do that's a whole episode do you want it real quick alright I'll go broke like they do it when you have a kid time changes literally time changes someone
01:10:41| let's say this is like yeah of course your kids busy no time changes I'm saying this so loud I wanted to scream in it time changes I before a kid if I get a text message try get back to a
01:10:56| couple hours oh ten minutes two minutes it's important yeah am sure I keep if I have a text it could sinful week in my friggin inbox and then I'll answer it like one day but I'm like that busy I
01:11:09| don't like yeah cool idea dude and then like I send it like that's the way it's gonna go when I have a kid yeah we gotta meet up and get drinks yeah I mean yeah my bro we gonna be able to get drinks
01:11:21| very difficult text until to us later well hold on II forget the text how about the act of a meeting of been drinking yeah hold on my wife hold or find a veal butter or hold up I'm guess
01:11:32| I'm at like eight eight months hey hold on I get a time in October are you good to get drinks and hang out and just shoot the shit like not if it's the best friend it's like a tertiary bread uh-huh
01:11:46| get like know you'll be able just group in disappear they don't even right it's nice for years don't be a tertiary friend who disappear for two straight years where
01:11:56| I'd never that's what symptom with us I mean we bought it for kids and it was just like well we're on cousinship is over but but on the
01:12:05| record you can reconnect and everything's like no like we did I think dudes do that more more so than women women kind of hybrid a great it's a little tighter and that's a bit that
01:12:15| sounds sexist that does sound sexist has a cat ear it's mostly distant I'll say they have to emotionally reconnect before they could tend more like if you were to have a paw with a pause on it
01:12:28| and like squat each other but there's there's also weird thing where sleep runs into not sleep runs into taking care of someone memory gets a little bit fuzzier you're like a hoodie on things
01:12:42| and then there's a good there's a drive that also hit me before I had my first one that I was like I got to get this done before it happens happen and like you know you can't do like maybe like
01:12:57| not 50 60 percent of what you did before but just because it that time is now gone and then each other going yeah you don't grow up Thanks Thank You Kids you listen to other people who talk about
01:13:07| their lives without children and how busy they are and what they do and they procrastinate and you can just in your mind you're like you're just sitting on the couch watching a TV show and doing
01:13:17| nothing else like I know it I know it for a fact and like I can't do that like I'm watching a kid I might have a show on in the background I can't pay attention to it for maybe ten percent of
01:13:27| the time and you know I'm thinking about you know lunch for this kid I gotta change his diaper I get another diaper change do we have any frozen milk I got a
01:13:35| brother oil on bruising okay how many do we have yeah babe you got a pump more there's always things going on while you're like I'll take care of it I hear you said
01:13:44| time for it isn't change I think I think if ever Kate yeah and all this is going on while you're also still trying to maintain your regular life you're like I got a podcast you're like I want to keep
01:13:55| up with the Joneses I want to read about the Kardashians we don't really have Kardashians I'm just saying there might be someone to do one read about
01:14:03| well today is called nights don't do their booth miles I know you do we don't I'm gonna come back to that now come back next time I will say that in my mind there's like the people in my
01:14:16| life and there's clock's ticking and it's like you have to have the clocks tick and a line at the right time and then it's like as as a parent with multiple kids a single kid you're like
01:14:27| oh boy we'll go ahead look I have 15 minutes to do what I want to do so there's no procrastination it's like I've been planning this 15 minutes for two weeks I'm gonna take it right now I
01:14:38| run upstairs I start programming feverishly I'm like I gotta finish let's go finish this and I don't finish it and then the pot oh wait oh wait um the video games you know play like not since
01:14:52| there's a guilt thing oh there's also a writer I agree did you feel compelled to do everything your partner's doing which is the wrong feeling she's strange to say
01:15:04| but there's things that she can do that she does well and she can do independently there's things that you can do well and you can just compliment what she doesn't want to do or doesn't
01:15:13| do and that's that's the key for the second one it's like she's taking care she's doing all the feedings right now she's doing everything that she wants to do anything she doesn't wanna do I'll do
01:15:24| that but only then I'm not gonna help her through the other things because there's no reason right because there's no reason you're wasting your time plus you have another child you got to take
01:15:32| care of him you've got other issues you've got work you've got stuff you've missed on because you've been out of work because you've had a baby it's all feeding into
01:15:42| weird loop where tongue gets effed up yeah I didn't realize how much time I had before at a baby anyway now all so much oh my god times I told this to the last three to four to five people but
01:16:00| had deep talks within the past week and I haven't told you yet it doesn't get on it's I mean we recovered it but there's one commodity in life that you can't replace it's not money it's not cool
01:16:18| shirts job shirts birds are great found out money it's got cool shirts it's not too on podcast it's not it's not getting drunk with your friends when you're 35 or whatever
01:16:38| obviously I think it sound a bit but um it's true I just want to ex girlfriend I had who's over the house the other day she's like talking like that stuff she does with people I know I'm like wow
01:16:50| what are you doing just wasting me Christy you getting together oh we do brunch with remotes and all this on the console and how much fun and then she said like and then later if
01:17:01| anyone's weather the neighbors having a party we're doing a drunk barbecue and I'm like she's like she's like she's like its but it's both I mean it's it's it's your bill I didn't have it but
01:17:14| you're like this is better my kids are better than all that surprisingly they are but they're not I say the kid is the highest peak of human existence and the lowest love oh yeah
01:17:24| it's bullshit all over your plans and then laugh at you and you're like it shit on you and you'd be like literally but um oh but I told the person it's not money about this the greatest commodity
01:17:40| in life is time because you can't get time back times what you use for your hobbies enjoyment listen to the music plan the e thumbs playing those a drum sitting there I don't have time for this
01:17:57| I've never seen you play them actually um I play him a lot my kid um I sit him on this computer here and be like hey you don't play Portal - great - I believe girl ten minutes is you eight
01:18:08| minute no four minutes he comes over he's like he wants to play the drums she doesn't know he doesn't jump in portal he wants me to jump for him I'm like he knows all the pauses tell
01:18:20| you can that's what he says I'm like this a but we have an Xbox controller did you do it you need like Wednesday's it's like a a wireless keyboard thing you just like
01:18:32| there's your plan it could be like an extra phone dad a jump knee I've had to jump and go with the beat going to be good so anyway um time is the ultimate commodity and by having a second child
01:18:49| for the record don't have three haha for the record um having a child increases difficulty in life by 100 percent let's say looks like a big it has five levels where you go like easy get medium hard
01:19:04| extra hard in the nightmare sure yeah I would say you're probably playing the medium without a child with one child's Pratt hard to is probably extra Harnish so do you think it's real it's the
01:19:16| nightmare what's interesting is even by saying that one child increases it by doesn't increase it by another 100 instead it increases if I take yeah okay together like all right by your diapers
01:19:38| but we used toys and banana diapers that's cool yeah like wheat we've swaddled this episode wrapped up so it can move it positive store forever only touch on anything else I mean I we could
01:20:13| spend an episode all the time it's been an episode on friends with kids it's been absurd on a second kid alone no no this is good because I'm not sleep-deprived but I will be getting
01:20:26| there and then we're gonna get to an episode on sleep deprivation prior in a week and I we'll be out of it and mentally I feel sharp but I know in that research that's
01:20:37| a thought yeah basically searched physically researched my body has been through it so we'll catch you next time guys hey just let the audience know we do
01:20:50| like you you're like oh uh good night tom from the audience Kevin six four six seven we sub dick mm that's interesting no we don't ha
01:21:04| Kevin Kevin please have a great night everyone
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