Transcript of Episode 64 - Love Limerence Valentine's Day
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00:00:05| ever feel the pangs of love the lovestruck get a little excited get a little romantic wanna fall deeply and scarily in love with somebody oh boy are you ready for this starstruck
00:00:20| feeling of being struck by Cupid's arrow valentine's day get ready for it I know my wife isn't so I'm Dan and I'm Nick folks we're old friends dissecting one topic at a time people technology media
00:00:42| we've got it all covered each discussion here is a deep dive in or unique perspective the taboo forbidden subjects they're all on the chopping block baby we don't pander to popular opinion look
00:00:56| like you can get a little bit dirty morning this podcast may contain mature language and sexual content and is for entertainment purposes only so join us have a good time open up your earholes
00:01:09| [Music] all righty another one painters episode just another one or oh one of the best Valentine's Days coming up folks you know surprised we could get this one
00:01:38| in there before it happened obligations of love mmm like commit like a holy day of obligation you know you have to go to church
00:01:48| mm-hmm we have to go to love church so the chaplain now to get married kind of I forget how the song goes no I forget how it goes as well mmm so uh real quick to get this out of
00:02:03| the way if we're getting shot with an arrow it's by Cupid right yeah he's the short chubby Fang job right mm-hmm yeah anything that's it just who he is don't ya I don't know
00:02:14| where he comes from and that's probably a myth you have factual evidence on this guy I don't but I thought I had heard somewhere that back in Roman times when Christianity was early on that he he was
00:02:28| marrying people this is st. Valentine Valentine was marrying no no he's marrying soldiers yeah he's listen honey Cupid I had no idea this is news to me yeah he was
00:02:40| marrying soldiers and they said you can't do that so we're gonna kill you love the judge and on his deathbed he said your Valentine to the judge who miraculously had his daughter cured from
00:02:51| blindness that make sense to make love is blind martyrs who knows honor faith well that's pretty it's a little darker than um you know but either way it sounds like love is in the air Cupid
00:03:06| cupid is eros shoot something up so the Greeks believed in eros the Romans believed in Cupidon desire oak in romance I more those Italians out there and for all the French out there or more
00:03:27| it's a Romance language of course it's so beautiful that's pretty good now I know the difference I never knew yeah the tips yes see ya at tips of your time slow yeah tips of their tongues first
00:03:44| French kiss mine was at a party in fourth grade spin the bottle I think it was carrots then I think I kiss my friend Alicia at that party Oh Lea shit yeah kiss her at that party
00:03:59| yeah ah because I guess three girls that that's been the bomb okay three more what three or four well cuz we were playing spin the bottle like you had and there was only nine girls in you know
00:04:10| there was like I want to say like five guys five girls someone's parents weren't around I don't know this is like a wild party back in the day mine was the truth or dare in front of my friend
00:04:20| Mike's house with I think a neighbor girl who was Irish Scottish descent she was kill yet but freckles are oh yeah tons of freckles I think I might have been in sixth grade hell yeah dude
00:04:35| hmm I don't know if that's love was that truth or dare by the way he I still wanted it there has to be a dare truth do you want to kiss her yes point so what we're gonna get into today is not
00:04:51| so much Valentino or Cupid or anyone else we're gonna talk about the underlying theme l.o.v.e symbol of the heart the heart unfeeling heart that symbolizes the most
00:05:07| passionate level a human can get to love know why it's shaped like that it's not anything like a real heart it's shaped like that because it's a big old badonkadonk you know I'm saying that's a
00:05:18| booty if I've ever saw could be boobies I think it's a booty have you ever seen like a big sweaty booty leave a booty mark well that's LA bench that's love I made
00:05:29| love to you Menifee so the MOA DS of love hate I was just gonna go with definition alone sure love is defined I think that's romantic love oh yeah I
00:05:47| guess so look like break it down then let me do it yeah break them down love handle loaves we got encompasses a variety of strong positive emotional mental states raging
00:05:56| from the most sublime virtue or good habit the deepest interpersonal affection to the simplest pleasure hot-diggity-dog I was literally thinking that those exact words
00:06:09| I'm good so what does that really mean that's a good question it kind of means everything isn't it like everything did you feel toward someone could be love a little bit yeah so they broke it down
00:06:20| into five different categories I think this was the Greece so there was a divine love which is called divine / spiritual my favorite one yeah that's some God love now I love Jesus I'm in
00:06:32| love with a to quote Charlie Kelly from Always Sunny develop here I'm in love with a man what's that that's right a man named God I'm gay for God there's a good line the whole show
00:06:46| is great good it was good so that's also that spiritual divine love yeah your love for God and God's love for you that's called a gate in Greek okay good I thought you were getting pretty at
00:06:59| that dark hair I have never loved her yeah they call it a game 'pinkie agape it could be I got bang I don't know who knows I'm not sure it sounds way fancier than gaping hole yeah what's next
00:07:13| familial love are stored familia yeah so that's unconditional love that comes from well most families I guess depends on your governments most families yeah which I understand is if you have a son
00:07:29| or daughter or your other aunt your cup yeah things that you're supposed to you know you have a DS in action to this is it Harry on that level I know people can argue this like your love for your
00:07:39| cousin is the same as your love for your brother like you not I mean that's true there's so there's an attachment child is like not the same as your love for your breeding I mean yeah there's an
00:07:49| attachment theory where they did tests on babies where they're like okay you're gonna sit three minutes with your mom three minutes with your dad three minutes four with a random stranger and
00:07:57| I'm trying to figure out how attached they get each one neither did any of the babies do it right or could they not tell time they definitely could not tell
00:08:06| scientists did it for him I understand they said they find a difference it I don't really know if it's like because you can't really take a baby out of the environment where it already knows your
00:08:18| parents yeah you're right so that's the results were inconclusive it was really that like the baby was fixated on mom most of the time because it's been a wild child someone who is locked in the
00:08:29| room for years and years just study this time I wonder what someone exists free dinners every day anyway moving on what's the next wait wait the attachment
00:08:45| theory I'm just gonna make sure I got you so there's four different yeah there's four different categories of attachment theory is that you could have secured which is that you're
00:08:53| totally fine with not being attached to somebody so you can explore your environment and learn and grow and be a healthy citizen to the United States or else who's that in familial that's
00:09:03| moving no this is attachment theory so like you're something else okay yeah well your family is who you get attached to first or you should sure so there's also like anxious ambivalent
00:09:13| sorry this is a segue and then that makes you like anxious of someone leaving you and then anxious avoidant is that you don't want to be with your parents and then disorganized which is
00:09:24| means you don't have an association with whoever then some people have zero emotions like they're Psychopaths or sociopaths that's those people before we have and narcissists but we'll get on to
00:09:38| the next we'll get on to the next categories before we segue to far away dual tangent okay so you have friendly love which is philia friendly love that's a love between two friends who
00:09:52| want to do a podcast you buddies yeah Oh bro man oh that's kind of a love that I do tape yeah once or twice a week yeah for an hour and a half or motor yeah now we're amazing some people might say it's
00:10:09| too long they're wrong cuz this is buddy love once again platonic friendly filial love mmm filly love so long yeah Billy and one's not look uh I understand the I did
00:10:23| read a study that the love between two men on this level is not as strong as the love between two women on this level that because they can be sexually uh nice nothing Sonic it's completely plain
00:10:35| out but but would you also say it's easier for two women in this phase to be sexually active with one another than it is for two men in this phase the percentages say that women are more
00:10:49| likely to have a same-sex couple boom probably have a sexual encounter with another person of the same sex sometimes a friend right let's move on the bromance version the opposite side
00:11:09| is a will manse just making sure I never heard that that's interesting yeah that's what we heard what's what we're here to do and that's what we're about romances so guests love so that's where
00:11:24| you have you know humility humility dressed love question drummer guess yeah pretty good he's awesome guess it's a hospitality Xenia mm-hmm I know the Greeks were big into uh
00:11:40| hospitality asked Odysseus there's a running theme through uh the Odyssey they didn't welcome him back to his own home house no behind when someone stayed in your home because they
00:11:55| needed somewhere to stay you were not allowed to kill them like in their sleep in your house it's like one of the biggest crimes that's so it's a running theme through Game of Thrones I don't
00:12:03| know if anyone's caught on with that really I think of dinner was that yeah that's bad like that's hugely bad karma that's literally the opposite of what you should do and he reaps his sons in a
00:12:16| pie I believe spoiler alert but then there's someone like Daenerys who has Jon Snow in her castle and she could punish him and she even thinks about it in her house like he comes of
00:12:27| his own court and she doesn't she's gracious to him because he's a guest and the Greeks believed that treating your guests hospitably and without murdering them is
00:12:39| one of the nicest things you can do even if it's your enemy kill them on battlefield don't kill them in your guest room because you're getting blood out of the sheets and the floor you know
00:12:48| marble marble stains very easily it's a porous material cleaners sealing properly that's correct I ordered out the last one I think the most interesting one is romance which is
00:13:08| eros and Cupid and all the things that we focus on is men fixated on trying to find that eros mmm that's sweet actually definition I had the definition of romantic love yes this
00:13:25| is one person's definition I forget who its own you can find it on Wikipedia not sure how good of a source it is but check it out it's the idealization of the other individual and in Prout Caesar
00:13:37| says sexual in nature that carries expectations of enduring sometime into the future Wow that encompasses quite a bit right and I was like that's stupid I was like
00:13:48| that's really good because you're realizing the other person is an individual you're realizing they have things you lack they're realizing they have value of their own not necessarily
00:14:00| because you enjoy that in them and it's also sexual in nature and it also carries expectations that will it will endure for some time I mean no one knows how long but like at least six months
00:14:11| yeah there's three prongs that I found which I think you've covered two of them the passion in the romance and then the commitment which is a permanence and then the intimacy which is not high your
00:14:22| sexual talking about psychologist Robert Sternberg in 1986 my man I know where you're going yeah I'm just trying to love theory so go ahead what what so at the top is passion because that's the
00:14:33| most important right I don't know what's at the pinnacle is a passionate I I would have said I think it's it's interchangeable I was being a but I mean if your this is a side wet
00:14:43| sideways discussion so if you are to meet somebody what's the first thing you see about them it's usually that you're physically attracted them through the visual aspects of them so it's probably
00:14:55| romance and passion which gets it kicked off it gets a little rusty I don't think it's intimacy right away because that takes time no and it's not the next right yeah intimacy has to do with
00:15:05| sharing of information and being emotional it's an emotional thing so it's like you're emotionally connecting to someone yeah you're sharing normally over here going this way I got
00:15:15| commitment because commitment also entails marriage well well engagement ring wedding ring suffering folks hang up but no seriously commitment is about
00:15:30| suffering a little bit I mean you're giving up your own good to stay in a relationship oftentimes through money emotional support physical pain emotional pain and then you go back up
00:15:43| to passion which is a physical thing so that's that's like Romanichal love baby I think we'll come back to that towards the end I think we go I think you will I most certainly will mmm let's talk about
00:15:56| that like that the drive and the desire the very beginning when it's the most roasting you have the most you have the most oh you have all those dreams of fantasies about somebody that's gonna be
00:16:07| amazing is the puppy love this is this is uh I'm gonna start off with a game of love so like you first meet somebody you've got that new relationship energy which is a definable thing that you
00:16:19| definitely you finally are courting somebody and you're going after them and they say that in the very beginning of stages you could have puppy love which is kind of like a immature superficial
00:16:32| love that's transient it moves around a lot so you don't really can't you can't have lasting puppy love the same thing with new relationship energy is that you are finally dating somebody and you're
00:16:41| close together and you just have this like burst of energy that just lasts everything about them is interesting everything about them some knew everything about them super funny
00:16:49| everything about them is so great it's overwhelming like the fart go giggle right in your mouth you're gonna take off the latex here Oh watching to about fifty fifty shades and
00:17:12| then that way it should have been I don't know why they didn't cover it it was snorkel I would have loved to see I am I my wife's reaction like do you think about this I'd be like no that's
00:17:38| disgusting like when you know life infatuation in fluctuation oh yeah my man oh infatuation has this negative context is that your your toe in love with somebody that you're stuck on them
00:18:00| and you have no logical reason to really pursue them because they don't most of the time they I don't think if you're saying someone's a factor we do with somebody it's usually not receptive by
00:18:11| the other person now what if it is is it called something else I think that's just called romance if you're both infatuated with each other you might be in your own little
00:18:21| world and I guess that's maybe it's its pursuit of happiness those planets huh buddy I think that happens to teenagers yeah definitely I mean they just get lost in
00:18:35| each other's gravity you know I mean and then when they fought orbit they realized that there's twenty eight and they should have done something else with their lives and man all those kids
00:18:43| that really stack up I was checking your age and my watch but you're alright I'm good I'm covered making sure I made sure it was a reasonable age good good age good age so
00:18:55| that infatuation is an obsessive portion it's unrequited love when people don't actually unrequited love I like that yeah they don't respond they're on
00:19:05| quoted damn he's frequent later in the Goverdhan that's so good so there was a charm there's a term here that uh let's not go to this here last one before you talk about your favorite term is um did
00:19:19| you know the beginnings of the word romance it's actually Spanish and Italian actually it's Greek in origin but no one 100% knew what it meant it was like uh I think it was eventually
00:19:30| picked up by Spanish and Italian languages to mean conversely adventurous and passionate which is interesting it didn't actually mean love like the way love is used now
00:19:40| a physical means was it was like you said something was romantic and it was adventurous or passionate often used in tragedies because it was used in stories a lot it always resulted in a tragedy
00:19:55| which is interesting because all our best tragedies are love tragedies right is there anything that's not a love tragedy so this touches on the same thing about
00:20:02| like courting and courtly love courtly love didn't exist before they started writing stories about Knights going inside presence Knights and chivalry uh we're gonna go here we go in here yeah
00:20:13| we'll go in here so he's started giving open presents and then rings and then all sorts of stuff that just doesn't make very much sense to me because it's all materialistic but then people
00:20:22| started buying into it and then it becomes tradition and now you're shelling out four or five grand on a ring you don't even want to spend money on but that's how it goes that's how it
00:20:32| explains what we saw earlier folks yeah cheap well are you supposed to spend like three months of your salary on it holy crap that's a lot how who made that up the people who make
00:20:46| the gallery trust me my salary would be a little lower number all right poem that you know I'm gonna take off a work for those three months and then I'll get you good I'm on unemployment babe here's
00:20:57| your ring so you touched on something that I wanted to touch on that's infatuation it's very unreasoned passion there's a there's a crazy it's like they call it your crush face I believe that
00:21:13| that you a ssin crush came together a lot the reason it's interesting to me it's because teenagers do it a lot right it's like first love is your big crush it's your infatuation to logical
00:21:24| sometimes sometimes it's reciprocated sometimes it isn't regardless you you end up spending time the your payment towards the love is like time like you carve their name into
00:21:39| a desk or a tree and write KD love so and so and so and so love so and so you buy them weird extravagant gifts you spend time writing them poems which don't make any sense really I mean
00:21:51| writing someone a poem I don't know where that began you buy them a ring or chocolates or you save up money to give them things or follow them and write songs about them it's not so much the
00:22:01| item they're getting as the time you spent doing it mm-hmm and why would you do it no one for your nose and that makes it more lovey dovey in a way doesn't it unless they don't want that
00:22:13| like I know a mutual friend or two showed up in the back of the sedan playing a guitar and that woman was confused but that's not the point of it it's likely care a woman a woman doesn't
00:22:26| want that actual ring like what does this actually do is the symbol restriction on blood flow to the finger the idea is they want you to spend time and money on them or ideas and mostly
00:22:41| time it's it's really about spending time doing something that you wouldn't do for anyone else would you by anyone else a ring would you ever buy me a ring would I buy you a ring yes no probably
00:22:53| not so so what does that say that lasts you're ready to come in a lot of time to me yeah but I mean think of it so you're buying her something you wouldn't buy
00:23:02| for anyone else in the world I surprised so I think it's the flip side though if you have a kid then you have to spend a lot of time so they're trying to figure out whether you're ready to spend a lot
00:23:12| of time making a baby and figuring things out with it maybe that that probably plays into it but it's all about time geez all of it well anyway that's why I
00:23:22| was going to say the chivalrous Knight thing and buying people jewelry and buying people roses and doing all this stuff it's literally a waste of time but that wasted time is
00:23:33| to waste of time it's showing how much you care about that person yeah I'm willing to waste all my time doing this ridiculous move to show I love you and it's like oh it's like you really like
00:23:44| him singing that song you're like no not at all I'm just glad he's wasting his goddamn Wednesday right here Oh like that you son of a bitch night yeah keep singing yeah I mean and she's
00:23:54| just up here having a good time and she's like he's still doing it this guy he's crazy about me girls I just want to have fun on to quote Plato correct I thought it was
00:24:07| Aristotle again confused yep so difficult if you do get my rose it should be a red rose because that symbolizes passionate romance it's a pink rose it's ending what the white
00:24:25| rose is supposed to be platonic is that you just love somebody atomically given there's like I think there's reddit page is dedicated to Indians house close what's the one that's into the friend
00:24:41| zone oh right and it's like really attractive girls that like post on social media because I can't believe you're such a good friend so and so and it's like a
00:24:50| picture of her and him and she's like super smokin and he's not and it's like he bought me chocolates my favorite wine he helped do my homework and everything I couldn't ask for a better friend it's
00:25:02| like that's my favorite thing hmm I feel like well I brought that up I have no idea but it reminded me a reason well I want to say close calls or Close Encounters what's the what's the word
00:25:15| you know I'm talking about we had one of them yeah you did to do did you need no I didn't I didn't actually take advantage and I wonder if I should have I was on the mountain in
00:25:25| Colorado okay snowboarding mm-hmm and I'm going down and I had to stop at one point because I was up on a huge mountain I could see where thousands of feet near is awesome
00:25:35| beautiful and I stopped at a spot to a catch my breath to be take a picture and a girl who I didn't know also stopped to take a picture of my girlfriend who
00:25:45| came on the trip with me was nowhere to be seen she didn't go all me with that trip so he just mean this random girl who was like my agent attractive was there and she was like if you take a
00:25:53| picture of me in the background I'll take a picture of you in the background and I said okay and then she said it's my birthday next week I said that's awesome and I looked at her and there
00:26:03| was this weird moment where I was like I should make out what was girl and she waited for something to happen like we were both just waiting for something and I was like no that's bad
00:26:13| okay I'll see you and I CRO my god I went back down a mountain and she was thinking about it and I was thinking about it and you knew it and wait and I'm pretty sure I saw her like within a
00:26:23| day or two later hanging around with her boyfriend and I was with my girlfriend like if I did it made out with her on that mountain I never would had to tell anyone even this podcast and I wondered
00:26:34| to this day like what would have happened where I just have this crippling guilt all the serendipity was losing or or would just be one of those things rose like that's a crazy picture
00:26:46| now every time I look at the picture I'd be like that girl I don't even know her name but did she post on Craigslist I found that you on the top of the mouth of that you took a photo and talked
00:27:00| about my birthday go back in time Nick get that serendipity and wrangle its throat and say f you Sarah it did get bad on this down times reality that same day or two not gonna
00:27:18| blame a girl not a happen if you made out with that girl but it changed the course of time so another thing is that I think a lot of women in like rom-coms they get this idea that somebody's just
00:27:31| gonna fall into their laps and they're just gonna be happy forever it's gonna work out as a guy the guy does all the work so I'm pretty sure the woman you're on yeah the woman doesn't
00:27:42| pay attention to that a guy is like coming after them and like bringing all the stuffs to them and making the effort is most the time in dating and stuff I like it's never that the woman comes
00:27:54| after me like I I wish that I could just sit there and have women just and cover me and all sorts of I don't know honey why my condom I can see that condiments and convex baby that's what
00:28:10| we're all about here you have delicious like soup sacrified I was already there now I'm thinking in my head strawberry flavored like Rehan herb was really good I mean that's what I mean that would be
00:28:28| delicious RIT for pleasure tastes like latex no thanks no but I mean serendipity makes sense for a woman maybe but for a man it's like you know I said I did all the effort I did all the
00:28:41| work and you gave me no credit which sounds a lot like a relationship now interestingly enough would you say men do all the work and do all the first moves and all that in love because they
00:28:53| also have all the power in society and the Paycheck and all that yeah would you say that as women become more and more equal maybe even become more powerful for all we know in 40 years on with the
00:29:05| onus then beyond then to court men I think it would be I really feel like they'll become more powerful than men men anyway oh maybe it's flipping though maybe they do become more powerful and
00:29:23| then feel like they should be the aggressors make sure you didn't we have the physicality so we're always stronger more muscly a lot of the things that I have about men and women is that men
00:29:35| provide more to women because they're just stronger that they have more inclusive protection and just having protection is an important thing but that actually I think is shifting to if
00:29:46| you give a woman a gun right if she's just as strong as a man health and health and are you using your physical illness to protect your woman in here 20 almost never 19 there we go anyway yeah
00:29:58| how much are you like get away from her puffing up with a purpose renting people back up here babe I'll open that jar of pickles you know that bet your evaluator
00:30:13| sploosh I just dropped the jar of pickles sploosh so a sexual term so let's move on to your favorite term and the big term of this podcast that I didn't know this is what I love about
00:30:26| the podcast is that I find these words that make perfect sense or I find it okay no well then limerence limerence i'll just say that again literally Limor so limerence is something that i don't
00:30:41| know did when you read when you're reading this were you thinking about moments we that you hadn't that you were Limerick lemons could still apply to my relationship right now for all we know
00:30:50| it's different parts of it it's crazy yeah there's a characteristic that when people meet and this is psychologist Dorothy 10 off she coined the term limerence it's a very study it's not
00:31:00| just one lady like this is getting a lot of following this is big publicity look it up folks learn your limerence listen up okay everyone pipe down stop talking listen to the podcast right
00:31:10| now yeah so this was cross culture across peoples she said that I guess when people find each other and they meet they hit like there's usually one party that is I guess fully for it
00:31:23| they're fully on board and then it starts to pervade their life so they start focusing on a person starts popping in their brain randomly they think of all sorts of things that could
00:31:31| possibly happen they get a little into the fantasy portion of it they start imagining what that person would be like and they start getting a little fixated but the fixation might not necessarily
00:31:41| be bad as long as that person reciprocate but they say there's certain people that are permanently stuck in limerence that are looking for that person and they just keep transferring
00:31:51| the limerence on to a new person they keep going and going until they find that that one it's the one so not to skip ahead of limerence because the limerence is a big subject we can talk
00:32:03| about yeah do it did you couples that are limerence and limerence couples limerence non limerence couples and stuff like that to be on so if you distribute or exhibit signs of limerence
00:32:17| your um your lovingly attached lovingly affectionate it's a literally it's a cognitive condition it's not a little not an emotion it's something it actually happens in your
00:32:28| brain it's similar to the effects of OCD hmm like some of the same parts of the brain go off that OCD because you're gonna force to think about that person even though you don't want to it's like
00:32:41| an addiction a little bit yeah you have to clean it you have to think about them have to talk about you just to do this low serotonin levels I think it was related to like people who are overly
00:32:50| Limerick I have low serotonin well did you know you can become become in a relationship with someone who is not equally Limor n't to you there are couples that are Limerick Limor n't
00:33:04| where they're both infatuated a little bit I'm using the word infatuated but it's not quite infatuation it's very it's like obsession but not obsession mmm I don't know if you have a cheat
00:33:16| sheet on how limerence is different than infatuation but it is folks it is but anyway couples that are Limor and positive each tend to burn out really they don't yeah they don't last
00:33:32| as home they don't last as long as a couple that's Limerick and non Limerick because someone is amorous and someone is based in reality I guess they're both based in reality want this to this might
00:33:45| apply to someone in this podcast I'm not gonna name names but one person is always Limerick and hanging on and then if months go by where the other partner is not really feeling it it's not really
00:33:59| showing the signs of affection it's not really treating the other very well and then they do for like a hot two days the Limerick individual becomes very excited again like oh we're back it's going good
00:34:11| again like everything's great and they're reading and everything and it kind of works out for a little while and then the other partner goes back to reality and the Limerick one is hanging
00:34:21| around here very long and they're the one that remains fixated even through the bad portions yes and then they get soaked again during those portions the only danger is that those partners in
00:34:32| the study I read can become fixated on anyone else who may turn Limerick attitude someone else at work or it somewhere else can stoke those same fires that you know you're
00:34:44| leaving alone again it almost sounds like we're talking about but it's not quite right yes crushes do you have a clean crush and love more realistic than a crush yeah there there
00:34:56| are portions of like limerence where you look at somebody and you just see all the positives that they're they have all this like all these great qualities or they're beautiful and you know they're
00:35:06| intelligent um and they're I love being around them I just need to be around them I need to talk about them you never see that they have half a thumb and they can't act that sounds like someone from
00:35:18| Jurassic Park to and someone else dammit I wish I knew the other actor oh I he's from friends he's the one who was addicted to cocaine and could barely say and lost and everything yeah Oh Bing
00:35:34| Perry no that's his real name I tearing it damn it yeah man damn it thank you Ben Affleck thank you mmm so the hot limerence no I was reading through this limerence and I I get this like maybe
00:35:54| like you got you're supposed to fill me in I said Ben Affleck that he was he was Batman for a second I don't know which way no but the thumb dress apartment oh that was Vince Vaughn Vince Vaughn thank
00:36:07| you oh thank you dude I literally forgot his name good good yeah good name caught me because I wouldn't know I would just speed bump right over that 20 miles an hour folks yeah with Woodlands let's go
00:36:20| into limerence Lobeck is limerence allowed to be tonic yeah I mean in certain cases you're forced to be played on it because they don't reciprocate you could have a Limerick
00:36:32| Limerick relationship yeah but I think most of the time the way I read this guy was that most of time maybe it's I mean I have found people in my life where I've been immediately attracted to them
00:36:42| and then I want something more out of it and then I'd read into what they said or did like they have one thing that you can read off of in two minutes that you meet them and then
00:36:51| annually we get down like in a different way I'm an over thinkers and over analyzer so like a part of like a month I start like it pops in my brain when I'm doing nothing at all and I'm just
00:37:01| like I kind of wish this wasn't work like it makes me think that like maybe they're really into me and then when they don't respond at all I'm like maybe they're thinking it maybe they're
00:37:12| playing coy like you think about all the possibilities that don't hurt you like what's the best possibility here and you try to go with that because you want it to work worst possibility yeah you think
00:37:22| it though though yeah the realistic side of me says this is the worst possible outcome and there's no worse realistic is worst is like worse than realistic is somewhere in between the two I would
00:37:31| imagine yeah well the worst yeah the worst possible outcome is that they see you who are in the worst light possible is that you read all those bad things yeah how could you say hi to me that's
00:37:42| terrible Oh God he kept saying hi over and over again he said hello I'm here to talk to the police in the area yeah so what I did notice when I came across limerence is
00:38:00| that um a couple words kept popping up which interestingly enough don't always pop up with all the other lows yeah it was the greatest hope despair and joy yeah which you kind of just described
00:38:14| all three didn't you I certainly do hope there's despair that the worst is possible and then anything is reciprocated it's a great joy it's yeah there's a fear there that is
00:38:23| essential to human life I think is that you're trying to find a mate at least for a man and almost all times and if you don't find that mate then essentially you've died your genes have
00:38:36| died which is the worst possible outcome in terms of time I don't disagree with that this sounds like an extinction episode conversation but mmm weird yeah that's coming up so so here we're
00:38:50| getting into love is it weird that courtship is the way it is I didn't go into it big but think about it courtship has become important to society since but I think they've had like wedding
00:39:06| ceremonies as long as the Greeks and Romans so before that even let's focus on good so like courting somebody say you were in a society that chose your mate for
00:39:18| you that it was compulsory that you just get married to whoever they decided do you know I talked about I read an article that we might want to bring up that I didn't tell you about okay kid it
00:39:30| sounds great okay this is going to tie into right what you're talking about so there's a Court's article in 2014 by Chris mins homie Emine shoutout allows a podcast
00:39:40| the article is called what if the purpose of love is to get us out of relationships not into them that's pretty deep so he did a study or he he did writing down of what other people
00:39:56| study monogamy is present in only three to five percent of all animals we know mm-hmm that's the lowest number the chances that we are monogamous by nature mama feed a little it's pretty crazy to
00:40:13| think that yeah so us and penguins like boy you know the game like oh it's getting a few other animals that went right the Penguins 80 percent of cultures that are non-industrialized
00:40:26| like ones that don't have most unique home first world problems ones that are first world problem countries third world countries 80% of them practiced non-monogamy a form of non-monogamy week
00:40:39| like I mean they don't I mean you might have one wife but you're allowed to do other stuff with animals and just work at what yeah interesting what's that turn I never heard that so
00:40:51| that's like notorious in Italy they always had a mistress where they actually support financially but the wife would somehow put up with it I don't understand the Italian because she
00:41:00| kept supporting her yes like on the movie with Johnny and Cher moonstruck I don't know this movie at all you're gonna have to synopsis is the name they say he's crazy he was in air not Air
00:41:14| Force one the other one good Johnny Johnny Depp but keep going to say Johnny Cage no Nicolas Cage oh thank you but Nicolas Cage really it was Nicolas Cage and Cher my
00:41:25| girlfriend family love this is called moonstruck and he's going to marry a woman but I think he falls in love with her sister it starts courting her and then like the
00:41:36| father the family it turns out he's always having an affair with the same woman over and over and they see each other at it like this ballroom and he's like they see each other like cheating
00:41:48| on each other and it's like it's just it's it's a really good movie I think I just don't remember it hundred percent okay so what was the point eighty right bring it up is that the Italian mistress
00:41:58| is in that movie and yeah I think I think that isn't on you mistress sort of because there it's super Italian that movie Johnny Carrera yes mr.
00:42:06| johnny-come-lately they're super Italian yeah I think also it probably has to do with the way the culture survives is like maybe this is an assumption here that like after World
00:42:17| War Two the Italians were probably deprived with men if there's more women than men then it's like you're supporting another woman who probably can't find a mate so
00:42:28| it's understandable that you would spread your wealth and love around so there's a phrase that comes up a lot in birds actually it's called socially monogamous mmm-hmm
00:42:39| you have one mate but um oftentimes in certain bird species you've all had six eggs in a nest but only four of them belong to that mother bird how does that work I didn't read the whole article I
00:42:53| don't know if um the other bird lays her eggs there and she still hatches them and watches over them like a mistress hey bird coz maybe the bird can't count eggs which would make sense anyway the
00:43:05| father bird stays and still feeds worms to all of them and stays with the woman but like it's like snakes enter as long as he stays with her he can sneak in a few I feel like you did this to your own
00:43:16| girlfriends less wife blonde like sweet it and you're like yeah this is yours ah what the idea yeah the idea in this whole article was that um most marriages are arranged most
00:43:40| relationships become entangled and then in the Christian idea we we marry and we're not allowed to divorce you are literally illegal in the church you have to have children and procreate you can
00:43:52| do etc etc so the idea was you're not gonna break that law because you can get disassociated from your family cut off from the church you can literally get fired from your job 100 years ago if you
00:44:04| cheated on your life right I mean think about it right maybe I'm good penciling Jeff anyway so the idea is maybe the only way you leave a relationship is this feeling of love how
00:44:16| crazy is that the only way you would cheat on your wife is love as if you found love elsewhere so you're saying yeah yes look
00:44:26| so can love exist so there's like polyamorous relationships where love exists in different shades in different facets and p.m. we're talking about androgynous love hetero love homosexual
00:44:39| love bisexual or pansexual of a sexual love a romantic love demiromantic and demisexual love Jai no sexual polysexual scoliosis actual or sapiosexual oh yeah which one we're talking about Halle
00:44:51| amorous polyamorous where you love more than one person or polygamy where you're mating with more than one person so if you're in a relationship like that and you're spreading love around I guess a
00:45:05| question to you is could you put up with being like if you're a Mormon and you had like four wives what is the advantage to having met many wives and could you survive it's
00:45:18| probably four times worse nope yeah no I could yeah us you were having it's literally hold on I will say this having that many wives is the opposite of having that many sexual partners like if
00:45:32| you had one wife and you're cheating on her with three mistresses I get it you're sexually doing your thing your deviant you're into this you have to
00:45:41| constantly be doing your sexual thing if you have four wives you are a first of having mr. size yeah exactly you're always asking for more tours how many honey duelists is that homie hello
00:45:57| my goodness healthy how many times has she told him not to put the milk there but it was the other one now this is the one who told him not to leave his boots in the foyer and the
00:46:08| other one was the one who was always saying I told you you can't come in after 8:00 and close that door it'll wake up Jimmy and you're like I forgot this is my fourth fan I am on top I'm
00:46:19| sorry I thought you were boo this brings it back to like if you bring a new wife into the fold then you have that new relationship energy so you have more energy focused on this new person the
00:46:34| new one and then all of the other wives get jealous that you have to balance it out and then figure out how to massage that love back literally it was money back Linda there's it's money usually
00:46:46| money times you can't put time or money one or the other usually not both you can spend money on one time on another and then what else whatever commodities to do you have just
00:46:58| big wiener yeah body parts skimmer over your kidney so here's an interesting thing I came up with I didn't find this anywhere but when we were talking about love versus
00:47:09| batch ooh a shoe versus limerence and all that all these things where you use stars in your eyes hearts in your eyes and you can't wait to be around someone that doesn't end up happening when
00:47:22| you're with someone full-time and you experience trials and tribulations with them Wednesday nights eating tacos and just sitting around doing nothing Fridays when their cousin died and like
00:47:34| you don't know how to feel that sad because you don't really know their cousin but you know they're going through a lot so you have to pretend to be sadder than you really are but you
00:47:40| don't want to overdo it and you have to be there for them yes and I get that but like you don't know how sad you should be and if you're like are you gonna eat like how do you ask that there's a lot
00:47:53| that goes on and she sits that take course is they they go on for days and hours and hours and you spend every waking hour so that it's different it's when they when you far in
00:48:06| front of them and they don't care it's that's and they're like there's a big comfort shut up yeah yeah there's a comfort there though they you spend so much time together that nothing could
00:48:20| really bother you but it kind of does but you don't say it sure there's that you know the sense of result relaxation there which is kind of plain and boring actually is once you really get to know
00:48:32| somebody they're just a human being and there's not they're not an object of affection that you crave and desire you're no longer most of the people are no longer limit or obsessive or
00:48:43| infatuated I would like to display the list right yeah can you be infatuated with the person you married for 10 nine years yeah well beers no I don't think so I
00:48:53| don't know how that would work nothing I got you hate them I hate the funny thing about love over a dozen years you hate them it's nothing that's not a joke or rumor and that's the thing that I don't
00:49:07| think gets conveyed in love in general people are like you're gonna find the right person and you're just me in love where static no honeymoon you're going you're going to hate them I'm not
00:49:17| exaggerating the word I mean like the way they do XYZ they cook their fingernails starting a podcast eggs from all over the place and you're like I want bring your goddamn neck and then
00:49:28| you you see this and you're like dude what the sinks in the dishes with napkins again why do you put the need paper towel or napkin in the sink there's a trash can over here you did it
00:49:38| with the food on the plate but you won't do it with the napkin and now it's wet so I got a sobby sobby napkin in the sink and you do this four times a week and I tell you every time and I'm the
00:49:49| one who has to take the napkin out not you even when I do it I won't know why you're doing it and you can put at the end of the day then hating them for that moment right there isn't worth leaving
00:50:02| them for your whole life like yeah cuz you're like you're tabulating all the positive the negative and they are too and they're trying to make sure they meet somewhere in the
00:50:11| middle that's a balance but you don't really know how much work the other person is putting into certain positives and certain negatives and you can't know I guess but I can never know so when you
00:50:22| get married and it's a relationship and you have kids there's a whole weird balancing act oh you sacrificing your salary but that did you already self isn't everything
00:50:32| for the kid it is and what I was going to say is where I didn't come across where I didn't read anywhere but I thought of for my definition of love loves when you take another person and
00:50:43| incorporate their whole life to be part of your life I know that sounds like something people say but it's like saying someone else is my my right arm and my right leg I never would look at
00:50:55| my right arm my leg and be like that's the sexiest thing I ever seen c'mere you little right leg of right arm facin but where would I be without them like I can't imagine not having them be a part
00:51:06| of my life I've literally incorporated them into my being there a part of me and if I were to lose that part of me that's literally a losing part of me yeah that's even more than being
00:51:22| altruistic or selfless like you're incorporating them into both yeah I mean it's it's altruistic and it's selfish I mean that's you that's you've connected to someone else so deeply and infused
00:51:33| your lives together so much that you never you could hate them I hate my right arm when it can't you know do whatever I needed to do as furiously as I need I hate it I'm so bad at it but
00:51:48| but ultimately I I can hate it all I want I would never live a day without it I wouldn't want to go without my right arm and yeah I will say that I married my wife because she was the best woman I
00:52:02| ever met and still is and at that time there's like the options that were available to me made complete sense and they still do so it's like I guess regret for other people is maybe when
00:52:18| they don't make that right choice or this side I'm gonna see what else is out there and they could never come back to the person that they desired and they were infatuated
00:52:25| with so maybe there's a whole element to like not living a life I guess all the options in life people get caught up in all the other options of love the possibilities people get stuck on that
00:52:38| sort of thing I wrote in my relationship pieces right oh yeah like I'm line of love when I was 4 or 5 I don't remember which my mom would set me up on play dates with Tara Tara her last name it
00:52:56| shouldn't she's she was a bitch mom was a bitch I don't know how I know that but looking back at five I have big memories but her mom was total bitch mmm and then like first grade rolling around like I
00:53:11| had Karen and the only reason I was ever paired up with hers cuz me and her were the two tallest kids in first grade oh she was a tough girl I was a tough boy I was with tall boy and we would line up
00:53:23| together for our sacraments whatever the hell it was and pair off and her mom thought it was so cool and they got talking and they made us fall in love but not really they were just like it
00:53:32| was arranged marriage and then uh I remember some of the girls were attractive in in grade school like China Nicole Jenna yeah you told Mel so let's how about when was this oh boy this is
00:53:45| like what seventh grade are you actually your physique jack seventh grades cigarette out there was a Caitlyn in my class that was there's the first girl that got boobs and then I'm naturally so
00:53:57| this is part of attachment theory is that a man with every woman yes everyone kind of over her a little bit I think so yeah cuz I mean she got a full mix inside of boobs that guy and everyone
00:54:08| was like well these are familiar I've seen these before can i I want to be near those things because they look fantastic and that's they're talking about a girl dude be
00:54:20| careful guys a 12 year old yeah still oh you made yesterday yeah but no not as a day boobs are fantastic I love boo who doesn't love boobs is man boobs I'm
00:54:39| as a man and not boobs on a man have like lukewarm on boobs I love boobs but I'm not yeah well is they have that my mean look you imagine like inverted boobs or something I really it's coming
00:54:50| on here keep going keep going where you're going with red boots yeah that's right all right that's very so like my first serious girlfriend came
00:55:03| like in like nine ish create I dated him for like over a year lost my B card oh yeah oh yeah and then I went to an all-boys high school so of course I hung on to her did you go to
00:55:15| one boy school oh boy I certainly did because we went to the same high school no spark so like the first relationship I had was probably sophomore year and there was no
00:55:26| spark there but the intellectual side was there we how guys had an intellectual relationship in what grade like eighth grade sophomore year yes like time so a 10th grade 10th
00:55:36| that's so weird I can't imagine me an intellectually involved with women yeah no I'm I agree with you but that's cool I have nothing wrong with that I think it's cool I just I was not there but it
00:55:49| also ended so like I guess when love ends like what are the reasons that you end it I literally told the girl that I had no spark for her they think that's a fair feel like falling out of love it is
00:56:03| it's like can really spend in 10th grade it is definitely I guess I'm me that's how it goes so then after her I did the high school thing I actually didn't really get
00:56:22| involved with girls cuz I went to an all-boys high school I was busy being a jerk-off yeah making making jokes being a funny guy learning how to play a bass guitar and like listen to music ever
00:56:33| regret doing that all guys thing cuz I mean in certain ways I realized that my life would have been different it would have been probably more average and more normal but I don't know if it would have
00:56:43| been better well I look at it this way I could have met all these different people had different relationships different experiences but I wouldn't be
00:56:52| where I am today so I don't know that it would have been better or worse I don't know hmm you could have done this I tracked and been something else that was less I don't know how to say it
00:57:04| I wasn't saying we didn't been in the car after we won state championship with a girl and honking the horn and then we go through the intersection and we get hit and then my only black friend from
00:57:16| the team he was there in the hospital and I said win for the Titans and then he went and he won and I was I had a big injury I couldn't even play if I'm trying to remember it oh that's Remember
00:57:29| the Titans damn I oh yeah I thought it could happen me but anyway vicarious living yeah like in the seventies yeah an exam no it wasn't me right it was someone else but um no you're right I
00:57:44| have no clue where I'd be or what with it what would happen how personal are you gonna get you stopped for it when he gets at the high school yeah girls no well so we worked at Freddy hill and I
00:58:00| like I had tons of questions on tons of girl there oh yeah did you ever act on them you feel like you were a little Limerick oh I not let Mike limerence have a little em right store them so
00:58:10| hold on this so my neighbor who is a friend of mine lives like a few doors away she's a cute girl um I still remember like I felt like she had crush on me and like whatever I think she's
00:58:23| going away to college and I was gonna try and make out with her in the garage when I was leaving go go hang out with her and think about how awkward it is like high school love all right
00:58:34| no weird zo strange do you know what I did hold on I did the coolest thing so I said goodbye I was going away to college or she was it was like the last night we're hanging out and like we were just
00:58:46| friends we didn't do anything so I went up and um I was like it shows like Oh what are you what's wrong and I was like I forgot something it's just like what and I really didn't made out with her
00:59:00| and I was like I told all my friends real cool but ended up getting a relationship and dated her for like six years hmm and it was like all my friends relatives knew her I knew her friends
00:59:16| relatives I knew like everyone - and if Annalise yeah I mean and then I was breaking up with her multiple times multiple reasons multiple occasions but it was like it's
00:59:36| weird to explain because very involved but it's like breaking up with someone's family and friends so you're breaking all their familial bonds yeah it was just
00:59:48| George Sr bonds but like yeah I was bringing up with her friends her family I was breaking off our friendship loved like I was breaking off her platonic level to like stuff like that so during
01:00:01| this time were there other girls so like I'll bring in their their multiple women that I dated in college that I really I don't remember very much at all I'm sorry but like you don't remember the
01:00:12| like the first kiss like you remember like certain moments but overall like some some of the bad relationships you just kind of skim right over it like you learn from those you probably
01:00:21| incorporate it into your own personal at least oh hello you considerably Jim to date it's like what you've done with a person or like how long you've spent with a person cuz there are certain
01:00:32| things that I've done that have been really short term and there are certain things I have less a long time and not have done anything with them that's true that's a good point so then do you how
01:00:46| do you feel about the ones that are going then the ones that pass the ones that you had bad relationships with do you think of them as friends do you think of them as past chances like what
01:00:57| where do they lie in your scheme so this is like what 12 years removes from having dated some of them probably even more than that so I don't really think about them like
01:01:08| I think about the possibility of talking to them but I don't write down what if you would if you heard good news about one of them like one of them you got won the lottery holy shit one is by car and
01:01:18| written in a new hall that said I know boy that's it though I don't think that I'd go to their funeral I guess it would be as I get older I might think I'm like I feel like I should say goodbye to them
01:01:30| in a certain way because they were integral of my life at a certain point but now right I don't feel that right because them at all like I through a friend of someone that I dated for a
01:01:41| while that had a big impact of me on me is that I could connect to them through various ways and like reconnect to them but I have no desire to like the desire is gone I don't think that those
01:01:53| relationships would have worked now knowing what I like what I know now from other relationships that I've gained that were not necessarily sexual I realized that that person was a little
01:02:03| different than I was and it probably would never fit into the couple category that makes sense no it wouldn't work out long-term so is interesting your lives past but it wasn't meant to be it wasn't
01:02:15| going to be make sense but no but no harm no bad words just that's a trial and tribulation error or figure it out that's part of your life yeah I wish like more of those to figure out what I
01:02:25| truly loved in life I dated someone for six months named Evelyn who we'd a great relationship a lot of good sex well that's tough isn't it I know but what's crazy is I felt like I was really
01:02:41| attached to her like I was not it's probably Temperance this is a really good word for it it wasn't like it wasn't love it was like I'm a that I could a little bit and I could spend a
01:02:52| lot of time with her whatever well she broke up with me fairly suddenly and she figured it wasn't a big deal to me she was like you don't take anything seriously and something else I feel like
01:03:04| they always spin it to be like less than it is against you right and I was like no I'm not gonna break up with you and I didn't really fight to stay together so I guess she was right but then like I
01:03:16| saw her on Facebook like a couple years ago or something she has a kid with and who else I knew and I was like that's crazy singing I ever met and I don't regret it like I don't wish I had
01:03:26| a kid with her at all it's just almost like it seems like she's another person now and I'm like ah yes whoever the hell was I with that's not you but but I imagine so many people I probably did it
01:03:40| on that list who look at me and are like this guy nick has a kid completely different nicotine yeah they're like what it takes it takes care of is good like it's just I guess you change and
01:03:51| sober see people the same I I do I have that same I remember somebody that I dated very briefly that I thought it could work with and then seeing her probably like last year I looked her
01:04:01| Facebook and I was like wow you're you look similar like I could tell it was you right I know you're feeling different you're a housewife if you got all this going on you're dressed this
01:04:12| way you act this way you post these things you're like who are you so this brings in another stat was that um for men who are in a relationship they will actively seek another mate
01:04:25| but for a woman who is looking at someone who's in a relationship they will not seek that mate or if they're in a relationship themselves so when a woman finds somebody they they generally
01:04:37| stick to that person and don't try to branch out into new relationships but men will do it rapidly soon submit cheat more is essentially what you're saying sort of I don't know the stats on it but
01:04:49| I believe they do what they'll seek to cheat more okay whether they actually cheat or not what's weird is who do you think falls in love more I don't know I really don't because that's weird that
01:05:04| that cheating set wants me of that Court's article about worth the purpose of Love's done to get us in a relationship but out of them hmm so it's just that's what 3 to 5% monogamy and
01:05:18| have been teachers a lot that's a really low number I'm also curious about how much women think about it versus how much men think about it because I don't think their honor in our relationship
01:05:30| you probably don't share those feelings that like oh this other person is really interesting and I would probably like to have a relationship with that with them but I can't do that
01:05:39| like you would never share that with your significant other no that's a terrible thing you're gonna remember that and be like you're gonna cheat on me I'm gonna watch it like a hawk right
01:05:47| yeah so this applies to everyone or anyone or its specific just to me but um a rule of thumb that um when the sex crews in a relationship it's beginning of the end of their relationship hmm
01:06:04| now there's always medical reasons why or why not and these certain stipulations and things happen I get it but any relationship iPad and maybe this is a me thing as the sex goes down less
01:06:17| and less and less the relationship tends to drift less and less become icier as well and I saw a whole article on how sex isn't just a physical act like it's intimate we think about what a
01:06:31| relationship is a relationship is literally saying what's the only rule I will not have sex with enough people yet so that must mean that sex is pretty important I mean people say it's not
01:06:43| important in a relationship but think about it it's the only rule for right firm yeah for men well I guess you could most part it could kiss what else you could have emotional it could be
01:06:53| emotional cheating or you're emotionally involved well so you're talking about work wife because I read a whole yeah everybody world what happens work spouse sorry work spouses are the worst because
01:07:06| it's emotional cheating we're at a whole article about it last month so you're saying that like casual dating or casual relationships just can't happen it's a bad idea
01:07:18| so like friendships with women so it's a cross sex relationship as if you're going to have relationship a friendship with a woman most of the time a man is sexually attractive the woman and the
01:07:34| woman is something other something others that they're not interested in you sexually or they're not going to you know as a man you're calm suddenly attracted to okay as a man
01:07:49| you're sure yeah as a woman you might be attracted to different aspects of a man that don't relate to them sexually and they'll keep you as a friend because you're funny or you help them in some
01:08:00| way or you're intelligent or you have connections or you're rich or finding any number of things I'll take funny thanks I'll take funny thanks though thanks sir yes
01:08:13| Brooklyn wanna do a break in the podcast cuz we're almost done here and talk about what I want to talk about one thing it wasn't gonna finish it I was just gonna say a brick yeah but this is
01:08:23| like right in that this is right oh good bye good please please please please please please please please please so like world wives and work husbands they call it like the glass partition
01:08:33| mm-hmm have you ever heard of this term no gonna is that so they try like we both try not to have relationships at work because we separate or each other with a glass partition because they they
01:08:47| say that like when people start to form bonds that are a dyad which is two people becoming really close there's so many other people that then see that on our envious or jealous of that mm-hmm it
01:08:59| starts to degrade the quality of the people that are in the dyad that click the close tight relationship quite hmm yeah that relationship is negative negatively focused on their career so
01:09:14| most people in those relationships to figure out that they don't want to be solely engaged with one person like a work spouse or work life because it then will then brew in their future career it
01:09:27| could it doesn't ever end up being good I guess the other thing is you share intimate details about your your life with your real spouse usually yeah and paint them in a negative light almost
01:09:39| constantly not every time but you divulge secrets that you literally would probably only tell your spouse sometimes even secrets you wouldn't tell them I've read a statistics about people who have
01:09:54| engaged in extramarital whatevers physical whatever's and like one of the s was like do you regret what happened and it was only like one out of six regretted it was like like they were
01:10:07| they were happy that they actually had done whatever they did which is a curious thing yeah well it goes back to the UM love drying up usually starting with for me sexuality but also going to
01:10:22| intimacy and also I guess if commitment still exists but passion and intimacy are going you try and ride the blue tiger I'm very leaning on one one wheel yeah
01:10:35| as an aside everyone who's watching the podcast we greatly subscribe to a product a product you all at home should check out it's called quickie cops folks silicone handcuffs you slip them on your
01:10:52| little hands their winter aimed there whoa what's going on here gonna happen folks we know kids are coming in second pocket daddy this is great because you can also fit straight in here put a
01:11:15| little purse boom you know that takes up no room at all well quick action you can also bring them on an airplane they got no metal part it's not gonna set off the airport security and have everyone come
01:11:25| and looking at your bag and you guys cups they look like they're uh plastic bottle holders or something made of silicone it's not gonna affect your skin it's beautiful stuff
01:11:36| they're called quickie cuffs folks we're gonna put a link on the bottom all our proceeds are hopefully gonna go to us if they don't don't buy them but um these for this spur-of-the-moment things
01:11:45| little something song will bring a little sexuality back in relationship little spark maybe buy them um soup you think they're like sixty bucks right yeah wrong they're like thirteen dollars
01:11:56| Wow by then I guarantee you get thirteen dollars of fun of it give it a shot folks quickly yesterday our quicky quicky quicky with Annie or while it may it may have someone in the relationships
01:12:11| quaking by the end oh that's why I was thinking about hmm hmm just forget about them right now anyway um sex and relationship is important because think of it as we
01:12:28| mentioned earlier it's the only thing your partner and you have agreed you're both mutual you're the only person you're doing it with yeah so you can't get that from anyone else and if you're
01:12:42| feeling too embarrassed or like it's weird to ask for it like you get into a weird self-loathing thing and then a loathing then thing and then your sexual repression energy release like who you
01:13:00| know into for that some weird when I Rafi in a dark corridor is what you're doing so I'll bring it back to Valentine's Day there's like a almost like a foreplay aspect to it that you
01:13:12| put the time and effort and you're slowly building up to a romantic evening you spend money you've shown them that you're commonly interested in focused there's I guess a love aspect that you
01:13:25| eventually get physical with them and then you do the nasty what is like I guess that's a good that we have a day that is suppose to be for us like as us as in like a couple a couple but is it
01:13:45| is it female centric or is it man centric it's female centric do you know why I celebrated probably 10 Valentine's Days you never got like this steady girlfriend everything whatever do get a
01:14:00| busy life probably I probably had sex on less than two of them wow that's terrible odds you know what those odds are that's throw it into a blender call it the canary and see if it's arrives
01:14:13| okay that's terrible that's what I'm saying it's literally my it's my worst holiday shirt and I spent the whole money on it I should stop spending money on it and stop trying
01:14:29| anyway I don't know I think it's it's all of the stuff that becomes more media centric and all focused on you buying stuff it's me the man who ends up buying stuff I can't wait till it flips and the
01:14:43| women have to buy me video games and tell me a fantastic rub my feet scratch my back what did he hold on what if she learns how to play your game without you knowing and she's secretly
01:14:55| playing really well and trying to get all those extra achievements we're doing when the game things yeah she's like she's like I got a hundred thousand hit points on and so and so and it's like
01:15:06| how did you do that she's like I just have to practice dummy for four hours straight and you're like thanks babe oh look at your little team in Trophy or like one hundred percent of that game
01:15:19| huh would you give it to her do you mean sexually yeah can I see the trophy first pixels yeah I could dream of the day dream of the day well let's wrap up here um that's it good job folks oh here we
01:15:46| go last one so oh god there's a so I mentioned the attachment theory in babies there's one in adults as well or people who are fully grown adults or secure in their own relationships that
01:16:02| they had previously there's other ones that are anxious and preoccupied which is needy had needy girlfriends dismissive and avoided which means they have they want to be separated and
01:16:14| isolated I've had those where you can't connect on to get them at all so if you're out there this is the spin if you're out there and it's Valentine's Day and you're alone and you haven't met
01:16:24| the right person maybe you're dismissive Boyden up Wow or way to break the point maybe you just haven't found the right person maybe you haven't found the right
01:16:34| personality that meshes with you or you could have found somebody that was fearful and avoidant and they're just unworthy of your own love they can't focus on relationships so don't get
01:16:46| fixated on it let that thing go because that person is a terrible piece of shit turd yeah they're floating in the bowl you just need to flush that thing down let's let it right through right through
01:17:00| great legs go down the gutter hmm Valentine's Day brought to you by dan that's a great Valentine's Day message to thank thank you for bringing it here while ago hmm well we talked about
01:17:14| limerence we talked about infatuation talk about romantic love we talked about other lights divine friendly love guests love romance again what's a coal in your ear into the incest or whatever you know
01:17:31| even romantic love I don't think you can combine them some people doing some people do I guess they read the article wrong yeah so of the Greek words we got a gape storage philia Xenia and eros or
01:17:49| Cupid if you're Roman if you decide that you like Cupid more than eros arañas ism comes from arrows so and not many word origins have Cupid in them cute pay Gnaeus I don't know that there
01:18:03| are many words that pretty sure didn't come across any words I think that was made up to know unconditional love that's probably the best but you see when I reserve for kids I guess I don't
01:18:16| yeah kids moms having kids parents covered in shit covered in yeah crap dealing with a kid who doesn't care what you did and you bought food he's gonna throw the food out even I spent 20
01:18:28| minutes making the food and you're like I could kill you with this right here yeah he laughs on Peas I'm not going to in the crevice of the sofa you never thought possible how did you get it in
01:18:42| there what what you do you I should kill you but I love you so much and then we've got new relationship energy puppy love invention provide
01:18:54| limerence obsessive work wipes work wives unrequited love you want a hit your list of loves consummation starvation transference of all those oh I didn't even talk about that Hut site
01:19:06| those yeah or don't and then let it die out or just keep jumping you know if you point a gummi about that I'm great polygamy what else you got intimacy passion commitment glass partition I
01:19:23| think that's it we covered every single love the only thing I will say to end it is um how funny would be of love is just a foolish emotion kind of like a peacock thrown out its weird colored feathers
01:19:35| and sexual or ornamentation is what you're talking about orientation sexual ornamentation no no I'm saying what if love is just a silly chemical in your brain that has nothing to do with
01:19:47| reality and it's just keeping you pumping your DNA into someone else they can pass on some DNA and it really doesn't have any bearing on anything it's a total coincidence and it's just a
01:19:58| factor of society how great would that be so there is a point that I wanted to make that I completely forgot about until you mentioned it is that love doesn't make any sense and love drives
01:20:09| people crazy and I think that's an evolutionary tree is that you're supposed to mix your genes with as many people as possible and if someone says hey I want those genes you're gonna give
01:20:19| them your genes because you're in love that's how love works hey are you ligase because I want to unzip them jeans give me another piece Oh baby that's a bio joke and for
01:20:37| everyone else I'm bi he's oh I'm double out Oh mm whoo well folks it's Valentine's Day be careful out there are the pink ones need a wizard or or for the women who
01:20:54| were putting something on to give it to the men careful austere folks no matter who's where one who's given it to who who's who and who's putting what and who just make
01:21:04| sure you have protection folks it's from the UM banners you don't want something that's gonna stick around for a dozen years and nag you every time yeah the drape it cool swaddle your puppy so you
01:21:14| don't have to swaddle that puppy when it comes out folks freaking like you like you a lot Oh hot we love you check check check
00:00:20| feeling of being struck by Cupid's arrow valentine's day get ready for it I know my wife isn't so I'm Dan and I'm Nick folks we're old friends dissecting one topic at a time people technology media
00:00:42| we've got it all covered each discussion here is a deep dive in or unique perspective the taboo forbidden subjects they're all on the chopping block baby we don't pander to popular opinion look
00:00:56| like you can get a little bit dirty morning this podcast may contain mature language and sexual content and is for entertainment purposes only so join us have a good time open up your earholes
00:01:09| [Music] all righty another one painters episode just another one or oh one of the best Valentine's Days coming up folks you know surprised we could get this one
00:01:38| in there before it happened obligations of love mmm like commit like a holy day of obligation you know you have to go to church
00:01:48| mm-hmm we have to go to love church so the chaplain now to get married kind of I forget how the song goes no I forget how it goes as well mmm so uh real quick to get this out of
00:02:03| the way if we're getting shot with an arrow it's by Cupid right yeah he's the short chubby Fang job right mm-hmm yeah anything that's it just who he is don't ya I don't know
00:02:14| where he comes from and that's probably a myth you have factual evidence on this guy I don't but I thought I had heard somewhere that back in Roman times when Christianity was early on that he he was
00:02:28| marrying people this is st. Valentine Valentine was marrying no no he's marrying soldiers yeah he's listen honey Cupid I had no idea this is news to me yeah he was
00:02:40| marrying soldiers and they said you can't do that so we're gonna kill you love the judge and on his deathbed he said your Valentine to the judge who miraculously had his daughter cured from
00:02:51| blindness that make sense to make love is blind martyrs who knows honor faith well that's pretty it's a little darker than um you know but either way it sounds like love is in the air Cupid
00:03:06| cupid is eros shoot something up so the Greeks believed in eros the Romans believed in Cupidon desire oak in romance I more those Italians out there and for all the French out there or more
00:03:27| it's a Romance language of course it's so beautiful that's pretty good now I know the difference I never knew yeah the tips yes see ya at tips of your time slow yeah tips of their tongues first
00:03:44| French kiss mine was at a party in fourth grade spin the bottle I think it was carrots then I think I kiss my friend Alicia at that party Oh Lea shit yeah kiss her at that party
00:03:59| yeah ah because I guess three girls that that's been the bomb okay three more what three or four well cuz we were playing spin the bottle like you had and there was only nine girls in you know
00:04:10| there was like I want to say like five guys five girls someone's parents weren't around I don't know this is like a wild party back in the day mine was the truth or dare in front of my friend
00:04:20| Mike's house with I think a neighbor girl who was Irish Scottish descent she was kill yet but freckles are oh yeah tons of freckles I think I might have been in sixth grade hell yeah dude
00:04:35| hmm I don't know if that's love was that truth or dare by the way he I still wanted it there has to be a dare truth do you want to kiss her yes point so what we're gonna get into today is not
00:04:51| so much Valentino or Cupid or anyone else we're gonna talk about the underlying theme l.o.v.e symbol of the heart the heart unfeeling heart that symbolizes the most
00:05:07| passionate level a human can get to love know why it's shaped like that it's not anything like a real heart it's shaped like that because it's a big old badonkadonk you know I'm saying that's a
00:05:18| booty if I've ever saw could be boobies I think it's a booty have you ever seen like a big sweaty booty leave a booty mark well that's LA bench that's love I made
00:05:29| love to you Menifee so the MOA DS of love hate I was just gonna go with definition alone sure love is defined I think that's romantic love oh yeah I
00:05:47| guess so look like break it down then let me do it yeah break them down love handle loaves we got encompasses a variety of strong positive emotional mental states raging
00:05:56| from the most sublime virtue or good habit the deepest interpersonal affection to the simplest pleasure hot-diggity-dog I was literally thinking that those exact words
00:06:09| I'm good so what does that really mean that's a good question it kind of means everything isn't it like everything did you feel toward someone could be love a little bit yeah so they broke it down
00:06:20| into five different categories I think this was the Greece so there was a divine love which is called divine / spiritual my favorite one yeah that's some God love now I love Jesus I'm in
00:06:32| love with a to quote Charlie Kelly from Always Sunny develop here I'm in love with a man what's that that's right a man named God I'm gay for God there's a good line the whole show
00:06:46| is great good it was good so that's also that spiritual divine love yeah your love for God and God's love for you that's called a gate in Greek okay good I thought you were getting pretty at
00:06:59| that dark hair I have never loved her yeah they call it a game 'pinkie agape it could be I got bang I don't know who knows I'm not sure it sounds way fancier than gaping hole yeah what's next
00:07:13| familial love are stored familia yeah so that's unconditional love that comes from well most families I guess depends on your governments most families yeah which I understand is if you have a son
00:07:29| or daughter or your other aunt your cup yeah things that you're supposed to you know you have a DS in action to this is it Harry on that level I know people can argue this like your love for your
00:07:39| cousin is the same as your love for your brother like you not I mean that's true there's so there's an attachment child is like not the same as your love for your breeding I mean yeah there's an
00:07:49| attachment theory where they did tests on babies where they're like okay you're gonna sit three minutes with your mom three minutes with your dad three minutes four with a random stranger and
00:07:57| I'm trying to figure out how attached they get each one neither did any of the babies do it right or could they not tell time they definitely could not tell
00:08:06| scientists did it for him I understand they said they find a difference it I don't really know if it's like because you can't really take a baby out of the environment where it already knows your
00:08:18| parents yeah you're right so that's the results were inconclusive it was really that like the baby was fixated on mom most of the time because it's been a wild child someone who is locked in the
00:08:29| room for years and years just study this time I wonder what someone exists free dinners every day anyway moving on what's the next wait wait the attachment
00:08:45| theory I'm just gonna make sure I got you so there's four different yeah there's four different categories of attachment theory is that you could have secured which is that you're
00:08:53| totally fine with not being attached to somebody so you can explore your environment and learn and grow and be a healthy citizen to the United States or else who's that in familial that's
00:09:03| moving no this is attachment theory so like you're something else okay yeah well your family is who you get attached to first or you should sure so there's also like anxious ambivalent
00:09:13| sorry this is a segue and then that makes you like anxious of someone leaving you and then anxious avoidant is that you don't want to be with your parents and then disorganized which is
00:09:24| means you don't have an association with whoever then some people have zero emotions like they're Psychopaths or sociopaths that's those people before we have and narcissists but we'll get on to
00:09:38| the next we'll get on to the next categories before we segue to far away dual tangent okay so you have friendly love which is philia friendly love that's a love between two friends who
00:09:52| want to do a podcast you buddies yeah Oh bro man oh that's kind of a love that I do tape yeah once or twice a week yeah for an hour and a half or motor yeah now we're amazing some people might say it's
00:10:09| too long they're wrong cuz this is buddy love once again platonic friendly filial love mmm filly love so long yeah Billy and one's not look uh I understand the I did
00:10:23| read a study that the love between two men on this level is not as strong as the love between two women on this level that because they can be sexually uh nice nothing Sonic it's completely plain
00:10:35| out but but would you also say it's easier for two women in this phase to be sexually active with one another than it is for two men in this phase the percentages say that women are more
00:10:49| likely to have a same-sex couple boom probably have a sexual encounter with another person of the same sex sometimes a friend right let's move on the bromance version the opposite side
00:11:09| is a will manse just making sure I never heard that that's interesting yeah that's what we heard what's what we're here to do and that's what we're about romances so guests love so that's where
00:11:24| you have you know humility humility dressed love question drummer guess yeah pretty good he's awesome guess it's a hospitality Xenia mm-hmm I know the Greeks were big into uh
00:11:40| hospitality asked Odysseus there's a running theme through uh the Odyssey they didn't welcome him back to his own home house no behind when someone stayed in your home because they
00:11:55| needed somewhere to stay you were not allowed to kill them like in their sleep in your house it's like one of the biggest crimes that's so it's a running theme through Game of Thrones I don't
00:12:03| know if anyone's caught on with that really I think of dinner was that yeah that's bad like that's hugely bad karma that's literally the opposite of what you should do and he reaps his sons in a
00:12:16| pie I believe spoiler alert but then there's someone like Daenerys who has Jon Snow in her castle and she could punish him and she even thinks about it in her house like he comes of
00:12:27| his own court and she doesn't she's gracious to him because he's a guest and the Greeks believed that treating your guests hospitably and without murdering them is
00:12:39| one of the nicest things you can do even if it's your enemy kill them on battlefield don't kill them in your guest room because you're getting blood out of the sheets and the floor you know
00:12:48| marble marble stains very easily it's a porous material cleaners sealing properly that's correct I ordered out the last one I think the most interesting one is romance which is
00:13:08| eros and Cupid and all the things that we focus on is men fixated on trying to find that eros mmm that's sweet actually definition I had the definition of romantic love yes this
00:13:25| is one person's definition I forget who its own you can find it on Wikipedia not sure how good of a source it is but check it out it's the idealization of the other individual and in Prout Caesar
00:13:37| says sexual in nature that carries expectations of enduring sometime into the future Wow that encompasses quite a bit right and I was like that's stupid I was like
00:13:48| that's really good because you're realizing the other person is an individual you're realizing they have things you lack they're realizing they have value of their own not necessarily
00:14:00| because you enjoy that in them and it's also sexual in nature and it also carries expectations that will it will endure for some time I mean no one knows how long but like at least six months
00:14:11| yeah there's three prongs that I found which I think you've covered two of them the passion in the romance and then the commitment which is a permanence and then the intimacy which is not high your
00:14:22| sexual talking about psychologist Robert Sternberg in 1986 my man I know where you're going yeah I'm just trying to love theory so go ahead what what so at the top is passion because that's the
00:14:33| most important right I don't know what's at the pinnacle is a passionate I I would have said I think it's it's interchangeable I was being a but I mean if your this is a side wet
00:14:43| sideways discussion so if you are to meet somebody what's the first thing you see about them it's usually that you're physically attracted them through the visual aspects of them so it's probably
00:14:55| romance and passion which gets it kicked off it gets a little rusty I don't think it's intimacy right away because that takes time no and it's not the next right yeah intimacy has to do with
00:15:05| sharing of information and being emotional it's an emotional thing so it's like you're emotionally connecting to someone yeah you're sharing normally over here going this way I got
00:15:15| commitment because commitment also entails marriage well well engagement ring wedding ring suffering folks hang up but no seriously commitment is about
00:15:30| suffering a little bit I mean you're giving up your own good to stay in a relationship oftentimes through money emotional support physical pain emotional pain and then you go back up
00:15:43| to passion which is a physical thing so that's that's like Romanichal love baby I think we'll come back to that towards the end I think we go I think you will I most certainly will mmm let's talk about
00:15:56| that like that the drive and the desire the very beginning when it's the most roasting you have the most you have the most oh you have all those dreams of fantasies about somebody that's gonna be
00:16:07| amazing is the puppy love this is this is uh I'm gonna start off with a game of love so like you first meet somebody you've got that new relationship energy which is a definable thing that you
00:16:19| definitely you finally are courting somebody and you're going after them and they say that in the very beginning of stages you could have puppy love which is kind of like a immature superficial
00:16:32| love that's transient it moves around a lot so you don't really can't you can't have lasting puppy love the same thing with new relationship energy is that you are finally dating somebody and you're
00:16:41| close together and you just have this like burst of energy that just lasts everything about them is interesting everything about them some knew everything about them super funny
00:16:49| everything about them is so great it's overwhelming like the fart go giggle right in your mouth you're gonna take off the latex here Oh watching to about fifty fifty shades and
00:17:12| then that way it should have been I don't know why they didn't cover it it was snorkel I would have loved to see I am I my wife's reaction like do you think about this I'd be like no that's
00:17:38| disgusting like when you know life infatuation in fluctuation oh yeah my man oh infatuation has this negative context is that your your toe in love with somebody that you're stuck on them
00:18:00| and you have no logical reason to really pursue them because they don't most of the time they I don't think if you're saying someone's a factor we do with somebody it's usually not receptive by
00:18:11| the other person now what if it is is it called something else I think that's just called romance if you're both infatuated with each other you might be in your own little
00:18:21| world and I guess that's maybe it's its pursuit of happiness those planets huh buddy I think that happens to teenagers yeah definitely I mean they just get lost in
00:18:35| each other's gravity you know I mean and then when they fought orbit they realized that there's twenty eight and they should have done something else with their lives and man all those kids
00:18:43| that really stack up I was checking your age and my watch but you're alright I'm good I'm covered making sure I made sure it was a reasonable age good good age good age so
00:18:55| that infatuation is an obsessive portion it's unrequited love when people don't actually unrequited love I like that yeah they don't respond they're on
00:19:05| quoted damn he's frequent later in the Goverdhan that's so good so there was a charm there's a term here that uh let's not go to this here last one before you talk about your favorite term is um did
00:19:19| you know the beginnings of the word romance it's actually Spanish and Italian actually it's Greek in origin but no one 100% knew what it meant it was like uh I think it was eventually
00:19:30| picked up by Spanish and Italian languages to mean conversely adventurous and passionate which is interesting it didn't actually mean love like the way love is used now
00:19:40| a physical means was it was like you said something was romantic and it was adventurous or passionate often used in tragedies because it was used in stories a lot it always resulted in a tragedy
00:19:55| which is interesting because all our best tragedies are love tragedies right is there anything that's not a love tragedy so this touches on the same thing about
00:20:02| like courting and courtly love courtly love didn't exist before they started writing stories about Knights going inside presence Knights and chivalry uh we're gonna go here we go in here yeah
00:20:13| we'll go in here so he's started giving open presents and then rings and then all sorts of stuff that just doesn't make very much sense to me because it's all materialistic but then people
00:20:22| started buying into it and then it becomes tradition and now you're shelling out four or five grand on a ring you don't even want to spend money on but that's how it goes that's how it
00:20:32| explains what we saw earlier folks yeah cheap well are you supposed to spend like three months of your salary on it holy crap that's a lot how who made that up the people who make
00:20:46| the gallery trust me my salary would be a little lower number all right poem that you know I'm gonna take off a work for those three months and then I'll get you good I'm on unemployment babe here's
00:20:57| your ring so you touched on something that I wanted to touch on that's infatuation it's very unreasoned passion there's a there's a crazy it's like they call it your crush face I believe that
00:21:13| that you a ssin crush came together a lot the reason it's interesting to me it's because teenagers do it a lot right it's like first love is your big crush it's your infatuation to logical
00:21:24| sometimes sometimes it's reciprocated sometimes it isn't regardless you you end up spending time the your payment towards the love is like time like you carve their name into
00:21:39| a desk or a tree and write KD love so and so and so and so love so and so you buy them weird extravagant gifts you spend time writing them poems which don't make any sense really I mean
00:21:51| writing someone a poem I don't know where that began you buy them a ring or chocolates or you save up money to give them things or follow them and write songs about them it's not so much the
00:22:01| item they're getting as the time you spent doing it mm-hmm and why would you do it no one for your nose and that makes it more lovey dovey in a way doesn't it unless they don't want that
00:22:13| like I know a mutual friend or two showed up in the back of the sedan playing a guitar and that woman was confused but that's not the point of it it's likely care a woman a woman doesn't
00:22:26| want that actual ring like what does this actually do is the symbol restriction on blood flow to the finger the idea is they want you to spend time and money on them or ideas and mostly
00:22:41| time it's it's really about spending time doing something that you wouldn't do for anyone else would you by anyone else a ring would you ever buy me a ring would I buy you a ring yes no probably
00:22:53| not so so what does that say that lasts you're ready to come in a lot of time to me yeah but I mean think of it so you're buying her something you wouldn't buy
00:23:02| for anyone else in the world I surprised so I think it's the flip side though if you have a kid then you have to spend a lot of time so they're trying to figure out whether you're ready to spend a lot
00:23:12| of time making a baby and figuring things out with it maybe that that probably plays into it but it's all about time geez all of it well anyway that's why I
00:23:22| was going to say the chivalrous Knight thing and buying people jewelry and buying people roses and doing all this stuff it's literally a waste of time but that wasted time is
00:23:33| to waste of time it's showing how much you care about that person yeah I'm willing to waste all my time doing this ridiculous move to show I love you and it's like oh it's like you really like
00:23:44| him singing that song you're like no not at all I'm just glad he's wasting his goddamn Wednesday right here Oh like that you son of a bitch night yeah keep singing yeah I mean and she's
00:23:54| just up here having a good time and she's like he's still doing it this guy he's crazy about me girls I just want to have fun on to quote Plato correct I thought it was
00:24:07| Aristotle again confused yep so difficult if you do get my rose it should be a red rose because that symbolizes passionate romance it's a pink rose it's ending what the white
00:24:25| rose is supposed to be platonic is that you just love somebody atomically given there's like I think there's reddit page is dedicated to Indians house close what's the one that's into the friend
00:24:41| zone oh right and it's like really attractive girls that like post on social media because I can't believe you're such a good friend so and so and it's like a
00:24:50| picture of her and him and she's like super smokin and he's not and it's like he bought me chocolates my favorite wine he helped do my homework and everything I couldn't ask for a better friend it's
00:25:02| like that's my favorite thing hmm I feel like well I brought that up I have no idea but it reminded me a reason well I want to say close calls or Close Encounters what's the what's the word
00:25:15| you know I'm talking about we had one of them yeah you did to do did you need no I didn't I didn't actually take advantage and I wonder if I should have I was on the mountain in
00:25:25| Colorado okay snowboarding mm-hmm and I'm going down and I had to stop at one point because I was up on a huge mountain I could see where thousands of feet near is awesome
00:25:35| beautiful and I stopped at a spot to a catch my breath to be take a picture and a girl who I didn't know also stopped to take a picture of my girlfriend who
00:25:45| came on the trip with me was nowhere to be seen she didn't go all me with that trip so he just mean this random girl who was like my agent attractive was there and she was like if you take a
00:25:53| picture of me in the background I'll take a picture of you in the background and I said okay and then she said it's my birthday next week I said that's awesome and I looked at her and there
00:26:03| was this weird moment where I was like I should make out what was girl and she waited for something to happen like we were both just waiting for something and I was like no that's bad
00:26:13| okay I'll see you and I CRO my god I went back down a mountain and she was thinking about it and I was thinking about it and you knew it and wait and I'm pretty sure I saw her like within a
00:26:23| day or two later hanging around with her boyfriend and I was with my girlfriend like if I did it made out with her on that mountain I never would had to tell anyone even this podcast and I wondered
00:26:34| to this day like what would have happened where I just have this crippling guilt all the serendipity was losing or or would just be one of those things rose like that's a crazy picture
00:26:46| now every time I look at the picture I'd be like that girl I don't even know her name but did she post on Craigslist I found that you on the top of the mouth of that you took a photo and talked
00:27:00| about my birthday go back in time Nick get that serendipity and wrangle its throat and say f you Sarah it did get bad on this down times reality that same day or two not gonna
00:27:18| blame a girl not a happen if you made out with that girl but it changed the course of time so another thing is that I think a lot of women in like rom-coms they get this idea that somebody's just
00:27:31| gonna fall into their laps and they're just gonna be happy forever it's gonna work out as a guy the guy does all the work so I'm pretty sure the woman you're on yeah the woman doesn't
00:27:42| pay attention to that a guy is like coming after them and like bringing all the stuffs to them and making the effort is most the time in dating and stuff I like it's never that the woman comes
00:27:54| after me like I I wish that I could just sit there and have women just and cover me and all sorts of I don't know honey why my condom I can see that condiments and convex baby that's what
00:28:10| we're all about here you have delicious like soup sacrified I was already there now I'm thinking in my head strawberry flavored like Rehan herb was really good I mean that's what I mean that would be
00:28:28| delicious RIT for pleasure tastes like latex no thanks no but I mean serendipity makes sense for a woman maybe but for a man it's like you know I said I did all the effort I did all the
00:28:41| work and you gave me no credit which sounds a lot like a relationship now interestingly enough would you say men do all the work and do all the first moves and all that in love because they
00:28:53| also have all the power in society and the Paycheck and all that yeah would you say that as women become more and more equal maybe even become more powerful for all we know in 40 years on with the
00:29:05| onus then beyond then to court men I think it would be I really feel like they'll become more powerful than men men anyway oh maybe it's flipping though maybe they do become more powerful and
00:29:23| then feel like they should be the aggressors make sure you didn't we have the physicality so we're always stronger more muscly a lot of the things that I have about men and women is that men
00:29:35| provide more to women because they're just stronger that they have more inclusive protection and just having protection is an important thing but that actually I think is shifting to if
00:29:46| you give a woman a gun right if she's just as strong as a man health and health and are you using your physical illness to protect your woman in here 20 almost never 19 there we go anyway yeah
00:29:58| how much are you like get away from her puffing up with a purpose renting people back up here babe I'll open that jar of pickles you know that bet your evaluator
00:30:13| sploosh I just dropped the jar of pickles sploosh so a sexual term so let's move on to your favorite term and the big term of this podcast that I didn't know this is what I love about
00:30:26| the podcast is that I find these words that make perfect sense or I find it okay no well then limerence limerence i'll just say that again literally Limor so limerence is something that i don't
00:30:41| know did when you read when you're reading this were you thinking about moments we that you hadn't that you were Limerick lemons could still apply to my relationship right now for all we know
00:30:50| it's different parts of it it's crazy yeah there's a characteristic that when people meet and this is psychologist Dorothy 10 off she coined the term limerence it's a very study it's not
00:31:00| just one lady like this is getting a lot of following this is big publicity look it up folks learn your limerence listen up okay everyone pipe down stop talking listen to the podcast right
00:31:10| now yeah so this was cross culture across peoples she said that I guess when people find each other and they meet they hit like there's usually one party that is I guess fully for it
00:31:23| they're fully on board and then it starts to pervade their life so they start focusing on a person starts popping in their brain randomly they think of all sorts of things that could
00:31:31| possibly happen they get a little into the fantasy portion of it they start imagining what that person would be like and they start getting a little fixated but the fixation might not necessarily
00:31:41| be bad as long as that person reciprocate but they say there's certain people that are permanently stuck in limerence that are looking for that person and they just keep transferring
00:31:51| the limerence on to a new person they keep going and going until they find that that one it's the one so not to skip ahead of limerence because the limerence is a big subject we can talk
00:32:03| about yeah do it did you couples that are limerence and limerence couples limerence non limerence couples and stuff like that to be on so if you distribute or exhibit signs of limerence
00:32:17| your um your lovingly attached lovingly affectionate it's a literally it's a cognitive condition it's not a little not an emotion it's something it actually happens in your
00:32:28| brain it's similar to the effects of OCD hmm like some of the same parts of the brain go off that OCD because you're gonna force to think about that person even though you don't want to it's like
00:32:41| an addiction a little bit yeah you have to clean it you have to think about them have to talk about you just to do this low serotonin levels I think it was related to like people who are overly
00:32:50| Limerick I have low serotonin well did you know you can become become in a relationship with someone who is not equally Limor n't to you there are couples that are Limerick Limor n't
00:33:04| where they're both infatuated a little bit I'm using the word infatuated but it's not quite infatuation it's very it's like obsession but not obsession mmm I don't know if you have a cheat
00:33:16| sheet on how limerence is different than infatuation but it is folks it is but anyway couples that are Limor and positive each tend to burn out really they don't yeah they don't last
00:33:32| as home they don't last as long as a couple that's Limerick and non Limerick because someone is amorous and someone is based in reality I guess they're both based in reality want this to this might
00:33:45| apply to someone in this podcast I'm not gonna name names but one person is always Limerick and hanging on and then if months go by where the other partner is not really feeling it it's not really
00:33:59| showing the signs of affection it's not really treating the other very well and then they do for like a hot two days the Limerick individual becomes very excited again like oh we're back it's going good
00:34:11| again like everything's great and they're reading and everything and it kind of works out for a little while and then the other partner goes back to reality and the Limerick one is hanging
00:34:21| around here very long and they're the one that remains fixated even through the bad portions yes and then they get soaked again during those portions the only danger is that those partners in
00:34:32| the study I read can become fixated on anyone else who may turn Limerick attitude someone else at work or it somewhere else can stoke those same fires that you know you're
00:34:44| leaving alone again it almost sounds like we're talking about but it's not quite right yes crushes do you have a clean crush and love more realistic than a crush yeah there there
00:34:56| are portions of like limerence where you look at somebody and you just see all the positives that they're they have all this like all these great qualities or they're beautiful and you know they're
00:35:06| intelligent um and they're I love being around them I just need to be around them I need to talk about them you never see that they have half a thumb and they can't act that sounds like someone from
00:35:18| Jurassic Park to and someone else dammit I wish I knew the other actor oh I he's from friends he's the one who was addicted to cocaine and could barely say and lost and everything yeah Oh Bing
00:35:34| Perry no that's his real name I tearing it damn it yeah man damn it thank you Ben Affleck thank you mmm so the hot limerence no I was reading through this limerence and I I get this like maybe
00:35:54| like you got you're supposed to fill me in I said Ben Affleck that he was he was Batman for a second I don't know which way no but the thumb dress apartment oh that was Vince Vaughn Vince Vaughn thank
00:36:07| you oh thank you dude I literally forgot his name good good yeah good name caught me because I wouldn't know I would just speed bump right over that 20 miles an hour folks yeah with Woodlands let's go
00:36:20| into limerence Lobeck is limerence allowed to be tonic yeah I mean in certain cases you're forced to be played on it because they don't reciprocate you could have a Limerick
00:36:32| Limerick relationship yeah but I think most of the time the way I read this guy was that most of time maybe it's I mean I have found people in my life where I've been immediately attracted to them
00:36:42| and then I want something more out of it and then I'd read into what they said or did like they have one thing that you can read off of in two minutes that you meet them and then
00:36:51| annually we get down like in a different way I'm an over thinkers and over analyzer so like a part of like a month I start like it pops in my brain when I'm doing nothing at all and I'm just
00:37:01| like I kind of wish this wasn't work like it makes me think that like maybe they're really into me and then when they don't respond at all I'm like maybe they're thinking it maybe they're
00:37:12| playing coy like you think about all the possibilities that don't hurt you like what's the best possibility here and you try to go with that because you want it to work worst possibility yeah you think
00:37:22| it though though yeah the realistic side of me says this is the worst possible outcome and there's no worse realistic is worst is like worse than realistic is somewhere in between the two I would
00:37:31| imagine yeah well the worst yeah the worst possible outcome is that they see you who are in the worst light possible is that you read all those bad things yeah how could you say hi to me that's
00:37:42| terrible Oh God he kept saying hi over and over again he said hello I'm here to talk to the police in the area yeah so what I did notice when I came across limerence is
00:38:00| that um a couple words kept popping up which interestingly enough don't always pop up with all the other lows yeah it was the greatest hope despair and joy yeah which you kind of just described
00:38:14| all three didn't you I certainly do hope there's despair that the worst is possible and then anything is reciprocated it's a great joy it's yeah there's a fear there that is
00:38:23| essential to human life I think is that you're trying to find a mate at least for a man and almost all times and if you don't find that mate then essentially you've died your genes have
00:38:36| died which is the worst possible outcome in terms of time I don't disagree with that this sounds like an extinction episode conversation but mmm weird yeah that's coming up so so here we're
00:38:50| getting into love is it weird that courtship is the way it is I didn't go into it big but think about it courtship has become important to society since but I think they've had like wedding
00:39:06| ceremonies as long as the Greeks and Romans so before that even let's focus on good so like courting somebody say you were in a society that chose your mate for
00:39:18| you that it was compulsory that you just get married to whoever they decided do you know I talked about I read an article that we might want to bring up that I didn't tell you about okay kid it
00:39:30| sounds great okay this is going to tie into right what you're talking about so there's a Court's article in 2014 by Chris mins homie Emine shoutout allows a podcast
00:39:40| the article is called what if the purpose of love is to get us out of relationships not into them that's pretty deep so he did a study or he he did writing down of what other people
00:39:56| study monogamy is present in only three to five percent of all animals we know mm-hmm that's the lowest number the chances that we are monogamous by nature mama feed a little it's pretty crazy to
00:40:13| think that yeah so us and penguins like boy you know the game like oh it's getting a few other animals that went right the Penguins 80 percent of cultures that are non-industrialized
00:40:26| like ones that don't have most unique home first world problems ones that are first world problem countries third world countries 80% of them practiced non-monogamy a form of non-monogamy week
00:40:39| like I mean they don't I mean you might have one wife but you're allowed to do other stuff with animals and just work at what yeah interesting what's that turn I never heard that so
00:40:51| that's like notorious in Italy they always had a mistress where they actually support financially but the wife would somehow put up with it I don't understand the Italian because she
00:41:00| kept supporting her yes like on the movie with Johnny and Cher moonstruck I don't know this movie at all you're gonna have to synopsis is the name they say he's crazy he was in air not Air
00:41:14| Force one the other one good Johnny Johnny Depp but keep going to say Johnny Cage no Nicolas Cage oh thank you but Nicolas Cage really it was Nicolas Cage and Cher my
00:41:25| girlfriend family love this is called moonstruck and he's going to marry a woman but I think he falls in love with her sister it starts courting her and then like the
00:41:36| father the family it turns out he's always having an affair with the same woman over and over and they see each other at it like this ballroom and he's like they see each other like cheating
00:41:48| on each other and it's like it's just it's it's a really good movie I think I just don't remember it hundred percent okay so what was the point eighty right bring it up is that the Italian mistress
00:41:58| is in that movie and yeah I think I think that isn't on you mistress sort of because there it's super Italian that movie Johnny Carrera yes mr.
00:42:06| johnny-come-lately they're super Italian yeah I think also it probably has to do with the way the culture survives is like maybe this is an assumption here that like after World
00:42:17| War Two the Italians were probably deprived with men if there's more women than men then it's like you're supporting another woman who probably can't find a mate so
00:42:28| it's understandable that you would spread your wealth and love around so there's a phrase that comes up a lot in birds actually it's called socially monogamous mmm-hmm
00:42:39| you have one mate but um oftentimes in certain bird species you've all had six eggs in a nest but only four of them belong to that mother bird how does that work I didn't read the whole article I
00:42:53| don't know if um the other bird lays her eggs there and she still hatches them and watches over them like a mistress hey bird coz maybe the bird can't count eggs which would make sense anyway the
00:43:05| father bird stays and still feeds worms to all of them and stays with the woman but like it's like snakes enter as long as he stays with her he can sneak in a few I feel like you did this to your own
00:43:16| girlfriends less wife blonde like sweet it and you're like yeah this is yours ah what the idea yeah the idea in this whole article was that um most marriages are arranged most
00:43:40| relationships become entangled and then in the Christian idea we we marry and we're not allowed to divorce you are literally illegal in the church you have to have children and procreate you can
00:43:52| do etc etc so the idea was you're not gonna break that law because you can get disassociated from your family cut off from the church you can literally get fired from your job 100 years ago if you
00:44:04| cheated on your life right I mean think about it right maybe I'm good penciling Jeff anyway so the idea is maybe the only way you leave a relationship is this feeling of love how
00:44:16| crazy is that the only way you would cheat on your wife is love as if you found love elsewhere so you're saying yeah yes look
00:44:26| so can love exist so there's like polyamorous relationships where love exists in different shades in different facets and p.m. we're talking about androgynous love hetero love homosexual
00:44:39| love bisexual or pansexual of a sexual love a romantic love demiromantic and demisexual love Jai no sexual polysexual scoliosis actual or sapiosexual oh yeah which one we're talking about Halle
00:44:51| amorous polyamorous where you love more than one person or polygamy where you're mating with more than one person so if you're in a relationship like that and you're spreading love around I guess a
00:45:05| question to you is could you put up with being like if you're a Mormon and you had like four wives what is the advantage to having met many wives and could you survive it's
00:45:18| probably four times worse nope yeah no I could yeah us you were having it's literally hold on I will say this having that many wives is the opposite of having that many sexual partners like if
00:45:32| you had one wife and you're cheating on her with three mistresses I get it you're sexually doing your thing your deviant you're into this you have to
00:45:41| constantly be doing your sexual thing if you have four wives you are a first of having mr. size yeah exactly you're always asking for more tours how many honey duelists is that homie hello
00:45:57| my goodness healthy how many times has she told him not to put the milk there but it was the other one now this is the one who told him not to leave his boots in the foyer and the
00:46:08| other one was the one who was always saying I told you you can't come in after 8:00 and close that door it'll wake up Jimmy and you're like I forgot this is my fourth fan I am on top I'm
00:46:19| sorry I thought you were boo this brings it back to like if you bring a new wife into the fold then you have that new relationship energy so you have more energy focused on this new person the
00:46:34| new one and then all of the other wives get jealous that you have to balance it out and then figure out how to massage that love back literally it was money back Linda there's it's money usually
00:46:46| money times you can't put time or money one or the other usually not both you can spend money on one time on another and then what else whatever commodities to do you have just
00:46:58| big wiener yeah body parts skimmer over your kidney so here's an interesting thing I came up with I didn't find this anywhere but when we were talking about love versus
00:47:09| batch ooh a shoe versus limerence and all that all these things where you use stars in your eyes hearts in your eyes and you can't wait to be around someone that doesn't end up happening when
00:47:22| you're with someone full-time and you experience trials and tribulations with them Wednesday nights eating tacos and just sitting around doing nothing Fridays when their cousin died and like
00:47:34| you don't know how to feel that sad because you don't really know their cousin but you know they're going through a lot so you have to pretend to be sadder than you really are but you
00:47:40| don't want to overdo it and you have to be there for them yes and I get that but like you don't know how sad you should be and if you're like are you gonna eat like how do you ask that there's a lot
00:47:53| that goes on and she sits that take course is they they go on for days and hours and hours and you spend every waking hour so that it's different it's when they when you far in
00:48:06| front of them and they don't care it's that's and they're like there's a big comfort shut up yeah yeah there's a comfort there though they you spend so much time together that nothing could
00:48:20| really bother you but it kind of does but you don't say it sure there's that you know the sense of result relaxation there which is kind of plain and boring actually is once you really get to know
00:48:32| somebody they're just a human being and there's not they're not an object of affection that you crave and desire you're no longer most of the people are no longer limit or obsessive or
00:48:43| infatuated I would like to display the list right yeah can you be infatuated with the person you married for 10 nine years yeah well beers no I don't think so I
00:48:53| don't know how that would work nothing I got you hate them I hate the funny thing about love over a dozen years you hate them it's nothing that's not a joke or rumor and that's the thing that I don't
00:49:07| think gets conveyed in love in general people are like you're gonna find the right person and you're just me in love where static no honeymoon you're going you're going to hate them I'm not
00:49:17| exaggerating the word I mean like the way they do XYZ they cook their fingernails starting a podcast eggs from all over the place and you're like I want bring your goddamn neck and then
00:49:28| you you see this and you're like dude what the sinks in the dishes with napkins again why do you put the need paper towel or napkin in the sink there's a trash can over here you did it
00:49:38| with the food on the plate but you won't do it with the napkin and now it's wet so I got a sobby sobby napkin in the sink and you do this four times a week and I tell you every time and I'm the
00:49:49| one who has to take the napkin out not you even when I do it I won't know why you're doing it and you can put at the end of the day then hating them for that moment right there isn't worth leaving
00:50:02| them for your whole life like yeah cuz you're like you're tabulating all the positive the negative and they are too and they're trying to make sure they meet somewhere in the
00:50:11| middle that's a balance but you don't really know how much work the other person is putting into certain positives and certain negatives and you can't know I guess but I can never know so when you
00:50:22| get married and it's a relationship and you have kids there's a whole weird balancing act oh you sacrificing your salary but that did you already self isn't everything
00:50:32| for the kid it is and what I was going to say is where I didn't come across where I didn't read anywhere but I thought of for my definition of love loves when you take another person and
00:50:43| incorporate their whole life to be part of your life I know that sounds like something people say but it's like saying someone else is my my right arm and my right leg I never would look at
00:50:55| my right arm my leg and be like that's the sexiest thing I ever seen c'mere you little right leg of right arm facin but where would I be without them like I can't imagine not having them be a part
00:51:06| of my life I've literally incorporated them into my being there a part of me and if I were to lose that part of me that's literally a losing part of me yeah that's even more than being
00:51:22| altruistic or selfless like you're incorporating them into both yeah I mean it's it's altruistic and it's selfish I mean that's you that's you've connected to someone else so deeply and infused
00:51:33| your lives together so much that you never you could hate them I hate my right arm when it can't you know do whatever I needed to do as furiously as I need I hate it I'm so bad at it but
00:51:48| but ultimately I I can hate it all I want I would never live a day without it I wouldn't want to go without my right arm and yeah I will say that I married my wife because she was the best woman I
00:52:02| ever met and still is and at that time there's like the options that were available to me made complete sense and they still do so it's like I guess regret for other people is maybe when
00:52:18| they don't make that right choice or this side I'm gonna see what else is out there and they could never come back to the person that they desired and they were infatuated
00:52:25| with so maybe there's a whole element to like not living a life I guess all the options in life people get caught up in all the other options of love the possibilities people get stuck on that
00:52:38| sort of thing I wrote in my relationship pieces right oh yeah like I'm line of love when I was 4 or 5 I don't remember which my mom would set me up on play dates with Tara Tara her last name it
00:52:56| shouldn't she's she was a bitch mom was a bitch I don't know how I know that but looking back at five I have big memories but her mom was total bitch mmm and then like first grade rolling around like I
00:53:11| had Karen and the only reason I was ever paired up with hers cuz me and her were the two tallest kids in first grade oh she was a tough girl I was a tough boy I was with tall boy and we would line up
00:53:23| together for our sacraments whatever the hell it was and pair off and her mom thought it was so cool and they got talking and they made us fall in love but not really they were just like it
00:53:32| was arranged marriage and then uh I remember some of the girls were attractive in in grade school like China Nicole Jenna yeah you told Mel so let's how about when was this oh boy this is
00:53:45| like what seventh grade are you actually your physique jack seventh grades cigarette out there was a Caitlyn in my class that was there's the first girl that got boobs and then I'm naturally so
00:53:57| this is part of attachment theory is that a man with every woman yes everyone kind of over her a little bit I think so yeah cuz I mean she got a full mix inside of boobs that guy and everyone
00:54:08| was like well these are familiar I've seen these before can i I want to be near those things because they look fantastic and that's they're talking about a girl dude be
00:54:20| careful guys a 12 year old yeah still oh you made yesterday yeah but no not as a day boobs are fantastic I love boo who doesn't love boobs is man boobs I'm
00:54:39| as a man and not boobs on a man have like lukewarm on boobs I love boobs but I'm not yeah well is they have that my mean look you imagine like inverted boobs or something I really it's coming
00:54:50| on here keep going keep going where you're going with red boots yeah that's right all right that's very so like my first serious girlfriend came
00:55:03| like in like nine ish create I dated him for like over a year lost my B card oh yeah oh yeah and then I went to an all-boys high school so of course I hung on to her did you go to
00:55:15| one boy school oh boy I certainly did because we went to the same high school no spark so like the first relationship I had was probably sophomore year and there was no
00:55:26| spark there but the intellectual side was there we how guys had an intellectual relationship in what grade like eighth grade sophomore year yes like time so a 10th grade 10th
00:55:36| that's so weird I can't imagine me an intellectually involved with women yeah no I'm I agree with you but that's cool I have nothing wrong with that I think it's cool I just I was not there but it
00:55:49| also ended so like I guess when love ends like what are the reasons that you end it I literally told the girl that I had no spark for her they think that's a fair feel like falling out of love it is
00:56:03| it's like can really spend in 10th grade it is definitely I guess I'm me that's how it goes so then after her I did the high school thing I actually didn't really get
00:56:22| involved with girls cuz I went to an all-boys high school I was busy being a jerk-off yeah making making jokes being a funny guy learning how to play a bass guitar and like listen to music ever
00:56:33| regret doing that all guys thing cuz I mean in certain ways I realized that my life would have been different it would have been probably more average and more normal but I don't know if it would have
00:56:43| been better well I look at it this way I could have met all these different people had different relationships different experiences but I wouldn't be
00:56:52| where I am today so I don't know that it would have been better or worse I don't know hmm you could have done this I tracked and been something else that was less I don't know how to say it
00:57:04| I wasn't saying we didn't been in the car after we won state championship with a girl and honking the horn and then we go through the intersection and we get hit and then my only black friend from
00:57:16| the team he was there in the hospital and I said win for the Titans and then he went and he won and I was I had a big injury I couldn't even play if I'm trying to remember it oh that's Remember
00:57:29| the Titans damn I oh yeah I thought it could happen me but anyway vicarious living yeah like in the seventies yeah an exam no it wasn't me right it was someone else but um no you're right I
00:57:44| have no clue where I'd be or what with it what would happen how personal are you gonna get you stopped for it when he gets at the high school yeah girls no well so we worked at Freddy hill and I
00:58:00| like I had tons of questions on tons of girl there oh yeah did you ever act on them you feel like you were a little Limerick oh I not let Mike limerence have a little em right store them so
00:58:10| hold on this so my neighbor who is a friend of mine lives like a few doors away she's a cute girl um I still remember like I felt like she had crush on me and like whatever I think she's
00:58:23| going away to college and I was gonna try and make out with her in the garage when I was leaving go go hang out with her and think about how awkward it is like high school love all right
00:58:34| no weird zo strange do you know what I did hold on I did the coolest thing so I said goodbye I was going away to college or she was it was like the last night we're hanging out and like we were just
00:58:46| friends we didn't do anything so I went up and um I was like it shows like Oh what are you what's wrong and I was like I forgot something it's just like what and I really didn't made out with her
00:59:00| and I was like I told all my friends real cool but ended up getting a relationship and dated her for like six years hmm and it was like all my friends relatives knew her I knew her friends
00:59:16| relatives I knew like everyone - and if Annalise yeah I mean and then I was breaking up with her multiple times multiple reasons multiple occasions but it was like it's
00:59:36| weird to explain because very involved but it's like breaking up with someone's family and friends so you're breaking all their familial bonds yeah it was just
00:59:48| George Sr bonds but like yeah I was bringing up with her friends her family I was breaking off our friendship loved like I was breaking off her platonic level to like stuff like that so during
01:00:01| this time were there other girls so like I'll bring in their their multiple women that I dated in college that I really I don't remember very much at all I'm sorry but like you don't remember the
01:00:12| like the first kiss like you remember like certain moments but overall like some some of the bad relationships you just kind of skim right over it like you learn from those you probably
01:00:21| incorporate it into your own personal at least oh hello you considerably Jim to date it's like what you've done with a person or like how long you've spent with a person cuz there are certain
01:00:32| things that I've done that have been really short term and there are certain things I have less a long time and not have done anything with them that's true that's a good point so then do you how
01:00:46| do you feel about the ones that are going then the ones that pass the ones that you had bad relationships with do you think of them as friends do you think of them as past chances like what
01:00:57| where do they lie in your scheme so this is like what 12 years removes from having dated some of them probably even more than that so I don't really think about them like
01:01:08| I think about the possibility of talking to them but I don't write down what if you would if you heard good news about one of them like one of them you got won the lottery holy shit one is by car and
01:01:18| written in a new hall that said I know boy that's it though I don't think that I'd go to their funeral I guess it would be as I get older I might think I'm like I feel like I should say goodbye to them
01:01:30| in a certain way because they were integral of my life at a certain point but now right I don't feel that right because them at all like I through a friend of someone that I dated for a
01:01:41| while that had a big impact of me on me is that I could connect to them through various ways and like reconnect to them but I have no desire to like the desire is gone I don't think that those
01:01:53| relationships would have worked now knowing what I like what I know now from other relationships that I've gained that were not necessarily sexual I realized that that person was a little
01:02:03| different than I was and it probably would never fit into the couple category that makes sense no it wouldn't work out long-term so is interesting your lives past but it wasn't meant to be it wasn't
01:02:15| going to be make sense but no but no harm no bad words just that's a trial and tribulation error or figure it out that's part of your life yeah I wish like more of those to figure out what I
01:02:25| truly loved in life I dated someone for six months named Evelyn who we'd a great relationship a lot of good sex well that's tough isn't it I know but what's crazy is I felt like I was really
01:02:41| attached to her like I was not it's probably Temperance this is a really good word for it it wasn't like it wasn't love it was like I'm a that I could a little bit and I could spend a
01:02:52| lot of time with her whatever well she broke up with me fairly suddenly and she figured it wasn't a big deal to me she was like you don't take anything seriously and something else I feel like
01:03:04| they always spin it to be like less than it is against you right and I was like no I'm not gonna break up with you and I didn't really fight to stay together so I guess she was right but then like I
01:03:16| saw her on Facebook like a couple years ago or something she has a kid with and who else I knew and I was like that's crazy singing I ever met and I don't regret it like I don't wish I had
01:03:26| a kid with her at all it's just almost like it seems like she's another person now and I'm like ah yes whoever the hell was I with that's not you but but I imagine so many people I probably did it
01:03:40| on that list who look at me and are like this guy nick has a kid completely different nicotine yeah they're like what it takes it takes care of is good like it's just I guess you change and
01:03:51| sober see people the same I I do I have that same I remember somebody that I dated very briefly that I thought it could work with and then seeing her probably like last year I looked her
01:04:01| Facebook and I was like wow you're you look similar like I could tell it was you right I know you're feeling different you're a housewife if you got all this going on you're dressed this
01:04:12| way you act this way you post these things you're like who are you so this brings in another stat was that um for men who are in a relationship they will actively seek another mate
01:04:25| but for a woman who is looking at someone who's in a relationship they will not seek that mate or if they're in a relationship themselves so when a woman finds somebody they they generally
01:04:37| stick to that person and don't try to branch out into new relationships but men will do it rapidly soon submit cheat more is essentially what you're saying sort of I don't know the stats on it but
01:04:49| I believe they do what they'll seek to cheat more okay whether they actually cheat or not what's weird is who do you think falls in love more I don't know I really don't because that's weird that
01:05:04| that cheating set wants me of that Court's article about worth the purpose of Love's done to get us in a relationship but out of them hmm so it's just that's what 3 to 5% monogamy and
01:05:18| have been teachers a lot that's a really low number I'm also curious about how much women think about it versus how much men think about it because I don't think their honor in our relationship
01:05:30| you probably don't share those feelings that like oh this other person is really interesting and I would probably like to have a relationship with that with them but I can't do that
01:05:39| like you would never share that with your significant other no that's a terrible thing you're gonna remember that and be like you're gonna cheat on me I'm gonna watch it like a hawk right
01:05:47| yeah so this applies to everyone or anyone or its specific just to me but um a rule of thumb that um when the sex crews in a relationship it's beginning of the end of their relationship hmm
01:06:04| now there's always medical reasons why or why not and these certain stipulations and things happen I get it but any relationship iPad and maybe this is a me thing as the sex goes down less
01:06:17| and less and less the relationship tends to drift less and less become icier as well and I saw a whole article on how sex isn't just a physical act like it's intimate we think about what a
01:06:31| relationship is a relationship is literally saying what's the only rule I will not have sex with enough people yet so that must mean that sex is pretty important I mean people say it's not
01:06:43| important in a relationship but think about it it's the only rule for right firm yeah for men well I guess you could most part it could kiss what else you could have emotional it could be
01:06:53| emotional cheating or you're emotionally involved well so you're talking about work wife because I read a whole yeah everybody world what happens work spouse sorry work spouses are the worst because
01:07:06| it's emotional cheating we're at a whole article about it last month so you're saying that like casual dating or casual relationships just can't happen it's a bad idea
01:07:18| so like friendships with women so it's a cross sex relationship as if you're going to have relationship a friendship with a woman most of the time a man is sexually attractive the woman and the
01:07:34| woman is something other something others that they're not interested in you sexually or they're not going to you know as a man you're calm suddenly attracted to okay as a man
01:07:49| you're sure yeah as a woman you might be attracted to different aspects of a man that don't relate to them sexually and they'll keep you as a friend because you're funny or you help them in some
01:08:00| way or you're intelligent or you have connections or you're rich or finding any number of things I'll take funny thanks I'll take funny thanks though thanks sir yes
01:08:13| Brooklyn wanna do a break in the podcast cuz we're almost done here and talk about what I want to talk about one thing it wasn't gonna finish it I was just gonna say a brick yeah but this is
01:08:23| like right in that this is right oh good bye good please please please please please please please please please so like world wives and work husbands they call it like the glass partition
01:08:33| mm-hmm have you ever heard of this term no gonna is that so they try like we both try not to have relationships at work because we separate or each other with a glass partition because they they
01:08:47| say that like when people start to form bonds that are a dyad which is two people becoming really close there's so many other people that then see that on our envious or jealous of that mm-hmm it
01:08:59| starts to degrade the quality of the people that are in the dyad that click the close tight relationship quite hmm yeah that relationship is negative negatively focused on their career so
01:09:14| most people in those relationships to figure out that they don't want to be solely engaged with one person like a work spouse or work life because it then will then brew in their future career it
01:09:27| could it doesn't ever end up being good I guess the other thing is you share intimate details about your your life with your real spouse usually yeah and paint them in a negative light almost
01:09:39| constantly not every time but you divulge secrets that you literally would probably only tell your spouse sometimes even secrets you wouldn't tell them I've read a statistics about people who have
01:09:54| engaged in extramarital whatevers physical whatever's and like one of the s was like do you regret what happened and it was only like one out of six regretted it was like like they were
01:10:07| they were happy that they actually had done whatever they did which is a curious thing yeah well it goes back to the UM love drying up usually starting with for me sexuality but also going to
01:10:22| intimacy and also I guess if commitment still exists but passion and intimacy are going you try and ride the blue tiger I'm very leaning on one one wheel yeah
01:10:35| as an aside everyone who's watching the podcast we greatly subscribe to a product a product you all at home should check out it's called quickie cops folks silicone handcuffs you slip them on your
01:10:52| little hands their winter aimed there whoa what's going on here gonna happen folks we know kids are coming in second pocket daddy this is great because you can also fit straight in here put a
01:11:15| little purse boom you know that takes up no room at all well quick action you can also bring them on an airplane they got no metal part it's not gonna set off the airport security and have everyone come
01:11:25| and looking at your bag and you guys cups they look like they're uh plastic bottle holders or something made of silicone it's not gonna affect your skin it's beautiful stuff
01:11:36| they're called quickie cuffs folks we're gonna put a link on the bottom all our proceeds are hopefully gonna go to us if they don't don't buy them but um these for this spur-of-the-moment things
01:11:45| little something song will bring a little sexuality back in relationship little spark maybe buy them um soup you think they're like sixty bucks right yeah wrong they're like thirteen dollars
01:11:56| Wow by then I guarantee you get thirteen dollars of fun of it give it a shot folks quickly yesterday our quicky quicky quicky with Annie or while it may it may have someone in the relationships
01:12:11| quaking by the end oh that's why I was thinking about hmm hmm just forget about them right now anyway um sex and relationship is important because think of it as we
01:12:28| mentioned earlier it's the only thing your partner and you have agreed you're both mutual you're the only person you're doing it with yeah so you can't get that from anyone else and if you're
01:12:42| feeling too embarrassed or like it's weird to ask for it like you get into a weird self-loathing thing and then a loathing then thing and then your sexual repression energy release like who you
01:13:00| know into for that some weird when I Rafi in a dark corridor is what you're doing so I'll bring it back to Valentine's Day there's like a almost like a foreplay aspect to it that you
01:13:12| put the time and effort and you're slowly building up to a romantic evening you spend money you've shown them that you're commonly interested in focused there's I guess a love aspect that you
01:13:25| eventually get physical with them and then you do the nasty what is like I guess that's a good that we have a day that is suppose to be for us like as us as in like a couple a couple but is it
01:13:45| is it female centric or is it man centric it's female centric do you know why I celebrated probably 10 Valentine's Days you never got like this steady girlfriend everything whatever do get a
01:14:00| busy life probably I probably had sex on less than two of them wow that's terrible odds you know what those odds are that's throw it into a blender call it the canary and see if it's arrives
01:14:13| okay that's terrible that's what I'm saying it's literally my it's my worst holiday shirt and I spent the whole money on it I should stop spending money on it and stop trying
01:14:29| anyway I don't know I think it's it's all of the stuff that becomes more media centric and all focused on you buying stuff it's me the man who ends up buying stuff I can't wait till it flips and the
01:14:43| women have to buy me video games and tell me a fantastic rub my feet scratch my back what did he hold on what if she learns how to play your game without you knowing and she's secretly
01:14:55| playing really well and trying to get all those extra achievements we're doing when the game things yeah she's like she's like I got a hundred thousand hit points on and so and so and it's like
01:15:06| how did you do that she's like I just have to practice dummy for four hours straight and you're like thanks babe oh look at your little team in Trophy or like one hundred percent of that game
01:15:19| huh would you give it to her do you mean sexually yeah can I see the trophy first pixels yeah I could dream of the day dream of the day well let's wrap up here um that's it good job folks oh here we
01:15:46| go last one so oh god there's a so I mentioned the attachment theory in babies there's one in adults as well or people who are fully grown adults or secure in their own relationships that
01:16:02| they had previously there's other ones that are anxious and preoccupied which is needy had needy girlfriends dismissive and avoided which means they have they want to be separated and
01:16:14| isolated I've had those where you can't connect on to get them at all so if you're out there this is the spin if you're out there and it's Valentine's Day and you're alone and you haven't met
01:16:24| the right person maybe you're dismissive Boyden up Wow or way to break the point maybe you just haven't found the right person maybe you haven't found the right
01:16:34| personality that meshes with you or you could have found somebody that was fearful and avoidant and they're just unworthy of your own love they can't focus on relationships so don't get
01:16:46| fixated on it let that thing go because that person is a terrible piece of shit turd yeah they're floating in the bowl you just need to flush that thing down let's let it right through right through
01:17:00| great legs go down the gutter hmm Valentine's Day brought to you by dan that's a great Valentine's Day message to thank thank you for bringing it here while ago hmm well we talked about
01:17:14| limerence we talked about infatuation talk about romantic love we talked about other lights divine friendly love guests love romance again what's a coal in your ear into the incest or whatever you know
01:17:31| even romantic love I don't think you can combine them some people doing some people do I guess they read the article wrong yeah so of the Greek words we got a gape storage philia Xenia and eros or
01:17:49| Cupid if you're Roman if you decide that you like Cupid more than eros arañas ism comes from arrows so and not many word origins have Cupid in them cute pay Gnaeus I don't know that there
01:18:03| are many words that pretty sure didn't come across any words I think that was made up to know unconditional love that's probably the best but you see when I reserve for kids I guess I don't
01:18:16| yeah kids moms having kids parents covered in shit covered in yeah crap dealing with a kid who doesn't care what you did and you bought food he's gonna throw the food out even I spent 20
01:18:28| minutes making the food and you're like I could kill you with this right here yeah he laughs on Peas I'm not going to in the crevice of the sofa you never thought possible how did you get it in
01:18:42| there what what you do you I should kill you but I love you so much and then we've got new relationship energy puppy love invention provide
01:18:54| limerence obsessive work wipes work wives unrequited love you want a hit your list of loves consummation starvation transference of all those oh I didn't even talk about that Hut site
01:19:06| those yeah or don't and then let it die out or just keep jumping you know if you point a gummi about that I'm great polygamy what else you got intimacy passion commitment glass partition I
01:19:23| think that's it we covered every single love the only thing I will say to end it is um how funny would be of love is just a foolish emotion kind of like a peacock thrown out its weird colored feathers
01:19:35| and sexual or ornamentation is what you're talking about orientation sexual ornamentation no no I'm saying what if love is just a silly chemical in your brain that has nothing to do with
01:19:47| reality and it's just keeping you pumping your DNA into someone else they can pass on some DNA and it really doesn't have any bearing on anything it's a total coincidence and it's just a
01:19:58| factor of society how great would that be so there is a point that I wanted to make that I completely forgot about until you mentioned it is that love doesn't make any sense and love drives
01:20:09| people crazy and I think that's an evolutionary tree is that you're supposed to mix your genes with as many people as possible and if someone says hey I want those genes you're gonna give
01:20:19| them your genes because you're in love that's how love works hey are you ligase because I want to unzip them jeans give me another piece Oh baby that's a bio joke and for
01:20:37| everyone else I'm bi he's oh I'm double out Oh mm whoo well folks it's Valentine's Day be careful out there are the pink ones need a wizard or or for the women who
01:20:54| were putting something on to give it to the men careful austere folks no matter who's where one who's given it to who who's who and who's putting what and who just make
01:21:04| sure you have protection folks it's from the UM banners you don't want something that's gonna stick around for a dozen years and nag you every time yeah the drape it cool swaddle your puppy so you
01:21:14| don't have to swaddle that puppy when it comes out folks freaking like you like you a lot Oh hot we love you check check check
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