Transcript of Episode 36 - Shallow Friends
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00:00:10| [Music] so today um on an episode of predators i'm nick i'm dan we're gonna do a quick hitter on
00:00:21| um like work friends and you think work friends like everybody has work friends work wise everyone has work husbands everyone has worked everything but a work friend are they more meaningful
00:00:32| than a regular friend or kind of less meaningful than a regular friend and tight acquaintances nice word for i like that actually that's pretty
00:00:42| get too close but tight can feel them there's a tension there so so we're thinking about a work friend is that someone you probably spend more time with but know less about than your
00:00:53| other friends like it's a whole different subgroup of friend it's not like your friend outside of work where you can grab a brew and don't get me wrong you can also grab
00:01:01| a brew and become close friends with a work friend but the work friend as it begins and as it is and is structured it's more of like a
00:01:09| hey we gotta stay in here for eight hours what's up was ah frogs yeah budweiser frogs like you know what i mean yeah and then
00:01:21| just as you meet them and you change jobs they disappear they could tip of a hat poof gone blast of a shotgun they're gone
00:01:34| postal joke postal joke yeah i had a bunch of these when i first started working for nasa in the very beginning like all the people are like-minded and young
00:01:47| and only after a period of time you realize that the company hires those people because hey they're smart and they work harder than other people
00:01:54| and also they're cheap but then you realize that the people that are like you like they could j they could legitimately be your friends but then
00:02:02| you realize that like they go other places like they just switch companies they could be you know a building away but you only see but you're not getting three months
00:02:12| that's a weird thing so like the people in your cubicle in your office building on your floor are kind of the most important people to who your work friends and everything
00:02:23| become your exposure logistically 100 what's the uh the old adage uh proximity is everything something like that i've never heard that something like that anyway
00:02:36| proximity is everything um it helps with your relationships like what you do and it's very important because it's your day-to-day like the people you see on the first
00:02:45| floor you have to share the bathroom with or you have to share the fridge with or you have to race to the bathroom or race to the pretzels like that's
00:02:52| that's your everyday that's your drama that's your friendship that's your it's kind of your everything and it's huge and it's big but also it's work we hate work we
00:03:04| ignore it as soon as the day is over and then we go to our real friends right is that how it works yeah if you have real friends well if you have real friends we're
00:03:12| gonna assume anyone watching this podcast might not have real friends so maybe work friends are all they have so there's a weird realization that happens
00:03:20| one of my friends is getting married in like a few months and i started looking at like who his groomsmen were and like i know the best man and then
00:03:29| the first groomsmen and then the second one like i was like i think i met that guy and then the third one i was like i've never met that guy ever and i like
00:03:38| i i thought he was my friend and i thought it would have been like oh i would have collided with these people but i like i look back and i go like
00:03:45| could it be work related it's definitely after your friend i don't know after you though after me after being friends yeah yeah i don't know because it's like
00:03:56| i spent probably out of all the people that i've had work friends with or spent most of the time with like this other work friend like the most
00:04:03| the most uh gravitational workouts yeah sure the biggest work friend your biggest work hardest work friend of mine who also is your real life friend if you're going into the wedding stuff
00:04:14| that's kind of cool sure and it's just it's just strange that you think like there's there's worlds that collide and then some pieces aren't like you're not there
00:04:22| like you're you're just in the shadow of like moons and other planets and stuff so you're not you miss pieces yeah it's so weird because you're
00:04:30| a work friend so you don't know certain like you didn't go to high school with them or anything right nope did you go to college or anything with them no
00:04:39| no yeah so exactly like it's so weird like that someone comes with that history and you can't know them for 22 years there's 22 years of history to a person
00:04:50| when you meet them at work like they bring that with them like they'll tell you a joke about whatever or um share their whatever the hell they got
00:04:59| at lunch they don't do that anymore covet but um maybe they'll share fries maybe like yo i'm grabbing something at the store do you need anything or i don't know like um you meet him on
00:05:10| your smoke break people oh that's my smoke break friend like you run into all these little tiny subsets of groups and things that you're not really part of the big
00:05:20| picture of them yeah and it's weird to think of that because i don't know because that's eight hours a day again you're it is a big part
00:05:29| it's a little part but it's also a big part there's also a weird like reflection thing that happens of like was i really that like greater friend to him so you wonder like
00:05:38| oh maybe like i thought i was like number three friend or number four friend and then it's like maybe i'm like number six or seven like how many friends does
00:05:47| he really don't know right and you don't know what's going on in his home life i guess but do these i feel like these friends
00:05:58| these type of shallow friends they happen way more often as you get older just because you have so many things that drive a wedge into like
00:06:06| just hanging out for a weekend like you can't crash at a guy's place and be like oh let's do whatever for like oh you wake up and you're just like oh let's just continue what we're doing
00:06:16| just like let's grab like breakfast or something like you have responsibilities you get older you're just like oh i gotta go out whatever my family my fam 100 degree
00:06:26| i also think it's of note that no matter what you do if you've been alive for 30 years plus any time you spend one year with someone that's like one thirtieth of your life
00:06:37| it's not a long time like just from a dated standpoint yes correct your perspective you can never they can never be your best friend and
00:06:47| your real life friend because like you've been alive too long and this is such a small period of time like over years sure that can all change develop blah blah blah
00:06:57| like do you know there are people who have like the same job for 25 years party comes and like some of these people they work with are
00:07:08| like imagine that feeling where like you're retiring you're done your job you're going to leave you're doing this well what if you even got a great gift
00:07:17| like it's still weird because that person that you worked next to like five days a week and everything like yo you're my best friend good good job
00:07:25| retiring good job retiring and then you retire do you even talk to that person like what happens i have no idea you and i did the same thing though we worked for
00:07:33| the same company for companies twice it feels really weird when you put yourself into something and then like what you come away with it you don't
00:07:46| feel like you actually like you brought experiences and knowledge and all this other crap with you but really like the takeaway of it is that i
00:07:55| drive by that place and i feel like nothing towards it i look at the building and i go like i was there for a period of time check this if you went to your floor and went
00:08:03| to where your old desk was or whatever how much is different a the person there clearly are all the people around it probably different as well
00:08:12| right now probably like half of them are different different clicks and then different group of kids talking on in front of your spot do you think they have different coffee did they use
00:08:21| different trash bags different ups guy do you think like all this stuff is different so that it's so different that it's it's like going back to your old house
00:08:30| that you grew up in rings you're like hey can i look around and i used to live here i just want to sniff around i left something in the basement
00:08:43| large sum of money yes would you like to come down with me yeah so i don't know it's well we're downplaying it but i will say this how about the other way
00:08:53| do you know there's um as a delivery person who like i don't just deal with my company i go to other companies and i would deliver to them
00:09:02| i would deal with you know churches uh bars restaurants whatever and when you go and the same people work there for a dozen years and i work at my company for a dozen
00:09:12| years i'm estimating but you develop a relationship between that that's not a real life relationship i would never hang out with so and so from
00:09:21| tourney's tavern i would never first presbyterian church guy i've never seen him outside of work maybe once out of like uh who knows what and i
00:09:29| said his name and give him a high five or something but they're not your friend in relay i don't call them i don't text them but i've had this happen
00:09:38| so because most of my customers or our customer base was black men in their 50s and 60s a lot of them die and the weirdest feeling in the world
00:09:50| is when i know that like maurice from little spot 2 died you don't know i barely knew him but he would come into my store and give me [ __ ]
00:10:01| every day he would say is that what i said [ __ ] and he would yell at me and he would always give me the hardest time in the world because he knew it made me nervous
00:10:10| because i was like 19 or 20 at the time and then my dad would literally like he's going to go back and get it and i'd be like well i think we got it all i think i got it all and he would scream
00:10:18| at me and yell at me and eventually like six years into this whole routine between me and maurice i got it you're messing with me dude he was a heavyset uh
00:10:27| older black guy and he just he gave me [ __ ] every time but he had a heart problem and uh i would always carry his stuff out to his car and everything and he
00:10:37| would still give me [ __ ] and everything but we always he would say oh you all right you are right like you know what i mean and i heard like a month after not
00:10:45| seeing him that he died and i was like oh [ __ ] like i never i never got to say goodbye to him he's someone who will be a character in my brain for the rest
00:10:54| of my life and there are other people like that who i was delivering to a church there's a guy who i would tell stories with and he would
00:11:01| tell me stories back and like he died and i was like jesus christ it's depressing and then you go to other jobs and you have you have a guy you always run into or a
00:11:10| guy at the water cooler you always meet and he's the funniest dude and he's like oh i just got another job and you're like okay that's good on you man i always thought you wanted it
00:11:19| and he's like it's in oregon and you're like we're not my friends in real life i don't care like go dude go to oregon and what if that's the last time you
00:11:27| talk to him like because you're not gonna what if you don't you're not text friends like you're not are you gonna email a guy hey what's up in oregon
00:11:37| like i don't do that but i'll miss meeting him at the water cooler and telling stories pretty much every day there's something like real that you'll lose with these people these day-to-day
00:11:48| people where yeah i'm going to say they're shallow friends but also they're i don't know what about your mailman of like 10 years or 15 years
00:11:58| if they die or change jobs like that's i don't know there's definitely something different about it in certain jobs there's a clash of people that you wouldn't put in you
00:12:08| in your clique and your sphere of friends and sometimes that external person is the one that like triggers other people to react to them and there's a like watching people
00:12:18| battle is amusing because there's some people that are just like blatantly idiotic and then someone just like rebukes them
00:12:26| and you're sitting there like this is this is absurd like they're going at it but you wouldn't have that in a group of friends if you're just like you might
00:12:35| interact with other people outside your group but if you're like with a group in your own house like you're not going to get that you're going to get a different type of like
00:12:43| interplay between people and and the interplay is going to be more not controlled but more predictable because it's the people you pick it's the people you hang out with the people
00:12:51| you're at work it's like people from different areas and like total different walks of life sometimes we're like i would never hang out with a
00:12:59| pagan motorcycle guy who happens to like wear that mustache that way and he what he does the oh my god he does the trash and recycling for the plant like oh my god
00:13:09| like but then you throw all these people together these forced friends these shallow friends and i like to call them force friends i'm changing the name they're forced friends
00:13:18| and it's funny because sometimes they stick and they will literally affect your life in ways you don't even know and you you couldn't tell me if you had two or three kids you couldn't tell
00:13:28| me where he grew up but like you know the way he tells a certain joke you know the way he jingles his keys when he's open the frigging door
00:13:35| like you know he always leaves his toast in the break room or some [ __ ] like that like there's little idiosyncrasies about these people that are so
00:13:44| real and so like awesome but like they're not your real friends but then there's there's also ones where you pretend to be friendly with people you want to be friends you want to like
00:13:54| hey here's my olive branch no i don't really hang out i'm just saying we should sometime no i don't really want to meet there i'm busy but we should sometime and like
00:14:02| we should do lunch we should meet up and there's those people and then you never really do anything with them and they change jobs and you hear about them six years later you're
00:14:11| like oh yeah he was all right so it's why some of them are some of them are some aren't and i think that's what you guys put it kind of some
00:14:25| of them are i don't know they force it because they i guess if you're at work and you need to make things better it's better to like have
00:14:33| someone in your corner some people don't have that in their corner or maybe they just like i don't know they they come and go and you don't realize the impact they have
00:14:42| on you and you never say it and you never get to say it maybe it's like you never get too nor could you it would be so weird wouldn't
00:14:49| it be weird if you said man if you disappeared that would be the weirdest thing ever i love you i love you man like a cubicle with like 30 people here's your
00:15:02| here's here's the geico paperwork can you guys sign off on this and we'll be back later we're in your khakis yeah so yeah i guess they're
00:15:13| it's not predators in a sense that they're going to prey on you they're predators in the sense that you don't know which ones are important which ones you'll miss
00:15:22| which ones are wasting your time and which ones you'll never hear from again then why play favorites i don't know it's weird well
00:15:35| be careful of them guys identify them what was the last part of our episode we always say identify them and make sure to avoid situations where they're going to ruin your life
00:15:45| and also this is what they look like everyone so there you go we're all predators even this how often do you think we're the fake friend or whatever i don't know i'm too nice i
00:16:01| feel like i can't tell people that they're awful so you're the fake friend dude a little bit oh predator you're a predator there's probably
00:16:11| people at all my old jobs who tell crazy stories about [ __ ] i did it's all legit guys and i'm getting crazier as i get older thanks for joining us tune in for
00:16:27| another episode of predators um what i'd like to say to wrap it up is predators
00:00:21| um like work friends and you think work friends like everybody has work friends work wise everyone has work husbands everyone has worked everything but a work friend are they more meaningful
00:00:32| than a regular friend or kind of less meaningful than a regular friend and tight acquaintances nice word for i like that actually that's pretty
00:00:42| get too close but tight can feel them there's a tension there so so we're thinking about a work friend is that someone you probably spend more time with but know less about than your
00:00:53| other friends like it's a whole different subgroup of friend it's not like your friend outside of work where you can grab a brew and don't get me wrong you can also grab
00:01:01| a brew and become close friends with a work friend but the work friend as it begins and as it is and is structured it's more of like a
00:01:09| hey we gotta stay in here for eight hours what's up was ah frogs yeah budweiser frogs like you know what i mean yeah and then
00:01:21| just as you meet them and you change jobs they disappear they could tip of a hat poof gone blast of a shotgun they're gone
00:01:34| postal joke postal joke yeah i had a bunch of these when i first started working for nasa in the very beginning like all the people are like-minded and young
00:01:47| and only after a period of time you realize that the company hires those people because hey they're smart and they work harder than other people
00:01:54| and also they're cheap but then you realize that the people that are like you like they could j they could legitimately be your friends but then
00:02:02| you realize that like they go other places like they just switch companies they could be you know a building away but you only see but you're not getting three months
00:02:12| that's a weird thing so like the people in your cubicle in your office building on your floor are kind of the most important people to who your work friends and everything
00:02:23| become your exposure logistically 100 what's the uh the old adage uh proximity is everything something like that i've never heard that something like that anyway
00:02:36| proximity is everything um it helps with your relationships like what you do and it's very important because it's your day-to-day like the people you see on the first
00:02:45| floor you have to share the bathroom with or you have to share the fridge with or you have to race to the bathroom or race to the pretzels like that's
00:02:52| that's your everyday that's your drama that's your friendship that's your it's kind of your everything and it's huge and it's big but also it's work we hate work we
00:03:04| ignore it as soon as the day is over and then we go to our real friends right is that how it works yeah if you have real friends well if you have real friends we're
00:03:12| gonna assume anyone watching this podcast might not have real friends so maybe work friends are all they have so there's a weird realization that happens
00:03:20| one of my friends is getting married in like a few months and i started looking at like who his groomsmen were and like i know the best man and then
00:03:29| the first groomsmen and then the second one like i was like i think i met that guy and then the third one i was like i've never met that guy ever and i like
00:03:38| i i thought he was my friend and i thought it would have been like oh i would have collided with these people but i like i look back and i go like
00:03:45| could it be work related it's definitely after your friend i don't know after you though after me after being friends yeah yeah i don't know because it's like
00:03:56| i spent probably out of all the people that i've had work friends with or spent most of the time with like this other work friend like the most
00:04:03| the most uh gravitational workouts yeah sure the biggest work friend your biggest work hardest work friend of mine who also is your real life friend if you're going into the wedding stuff
00:04:14| that's kind of cool sure and it's just it's just strange that you think like there's there's worlds that collide and then some pieces aren't like you're not there
00:04:22| like you're you're just in the shadow of like moons and other planets and stuff so you're not you miss pieces yeah it's so weird because you're
00:04:30| a work friend so you don't know certain like you didn't go to high school with them or anything right nope did you go to college or anything with them no
00:04:39| no yeah so exactly like it's so weird like that someone comes with that history and you can't know them for 22 years there's 22 years of history to a person
00:04:50| when you meet them at work like they bring that with them like they'll tell you a joke about whatever or um share their whatever the hell they got
00:04:59| at lunch they don't do that anymore covet but um maybe they'll share fries maybe like yo i'm grabbing something at the store do you need anything or i don't know like um you meet him on
00:05:10| your smoke break people oh that's my smoke break friend like you run into all these little tiny subsets of groups and things that you're not really part of the big
00:05:20| picture of them yeah and it's weird to think of that because i don't know because that's eight hours a day again you're it is a big part
00:05:29| it's a little part but it's also a big part there's also a weird like reflection thing that happens of like was i really that like greater friend to him so you wonder like
00:05:38| oh maybe like i thought i was like number three friend or number four friend and then it's like maybe i'm like number six or seven like how many friends does
00:05:47| he really don't know right and you don't know what's going on in his home life i guess but do these i feel like these friends
00:05:58| these type of shallow friends they happen way more often as you get older just because you have so many things that drive a wedge into like
00:06:06| just hanging out for a weekend like you can't crash at a guy's place and be like oh let's do whatever for like oh you wake up and you're just like oh let's just continue what we're doing
00:06:16| just like let's grab like breakfast or something like you have responsibilities you get older you're just like oh i gotta go out whatever my family my fam 100 degree
00:06:26| i also think it's of note that no matter what you do if you've been alive for 30 years plus any time you spend one year with someone that's like one thirtieth of your life
00:06:37| it's not a long time like just from a dated standpoint yes correct your perspective you can never they can never be your best friend and
00:06:47| your real life friend because like you've been alive too long and this is such a small period of time like over years sure that can all change develop blah blah blah
00:06:57| like do you know there are people who have like the same job for 25 years party comes and like some of these people they work with are
00:07:08| like imagine that feeling where like you're retiring you're done your job you're going to leave you're doing this well what if you even got a great gift
00:07:17| like it's still weird because that person that you worked next to like five days a week and everything like yo you're my best friend good good job
00:07:25| retiring good job retiring and then you retire do you even talk to that person like what happens i have no idea you and i did the same thing though we worked for
00:07:33| the same company for companies twice it feels really weird when you put yourself into something and then like what you come away with it you don't
00:07:46| feel like you actually like you brought experiences and knowledge and all this other crap with you but really like the takeaway of it is that i
00:07:55| drive by that place and i feel like nothing towards it i look at the building and i go like i was there for a period of time check this if you went to your floor and went
00:08:03| to where your old desk was or whatever how much is different a the person there clearly are all the people around it probably different as well
00:08:12| right now probably like half of them are different different clicks and then different group of kids talking on in front of your spot do you think they have different coffee did they use
00:08:21| different trash bags different ups guy do you think like all this stuff is different so that it's so different that it's it's like going back to your old house
00:08:30| that you grew up in rings you're like hey can i look around and i used to live here i just want to sniff around i left something in the basement
00:08:43| large sum of money yes would you like to come down with me yeah so i don't know it's well we're downplaying it but i will say this how about the other way
00:08:53| do you know there's um as a delivery person who like i don't just deal with my company i go to other companies and i would deliver to them
00:09:02| i would deal with you know churches uh bars restaurants whatever and when you go and the same people work there for a dozen years and i work at my company for a dozen
00:09:12| years i'm estimating but you develop a relationship between that that's not a real life relationship i would never hang out with so and so from
00:09:21| tourney's tavern i would never first presbyterian church guy i've never seen him outside of work maybe once out of like uh who knows what and i
00:09:29| said his name and give him a high five or something but they're not your friend in relay i don't call them i don't text them but i've had this happen
00:09:38| so because most of my customers or our customer base was black men in their 50s and 60s a lot of them die and the weirdest feeling in the world
00:09:50| is when i know that like maurice from little spot 2 died you don't know i barely knew him but he would come into my store and give me [ __ ]
00:10:01| every day he would say is that what i said [ __ ] and he would yell at me and he would always give me the hardest time in the world because he knew it made me nervous
00:10:10| because i was like 19 or 20 at the time and then my dad would literally like he's going to go back and get it and i'd be like well i think we got it all i think i got it all and he would scream
00:10:18| at me and yell at me and eventually like six years into this whole routine between me and maurice i got it you're messing with me dude he was a heavyset uh
00:10:27| older black guy and he just he gave me [ __ ] every time but he had a heart problem and uh i would always carry his stuff out to his car and everything and he
00:10:37| would still give me [ __ ] and everything but we always he would say oh you all right you are right like you know what i mean and i heard like a month after not
00:10:45| seeing him that he died and i was like oh [ __ ] like i never i never got to say goodbye to him he's someone who will be a character in my brain for the rest
00:10:54| of my life and there are other people like that who i was delivering to a church there's a guy who i would tell stories with and he would
00:11:01| tell me stories back and like he died and i was like jesus christ it's depressing and then you go to other jobs and you have you have a guy you always run into or a
00:11:10| guy at the water cooler you always meet and he's the funniest dude and he's like oh i just got another job and you're like okay that's good on you man i always thought you wanted it
00:11:19| and he's like it's in oregon and you're like we're not my friends in real life i don't care like go dude go to oregon and what if that's the last time you
00:11:27| talk to him like because you're not gonna what if you don't you're not text friends like you're not are you gonna email a guy hey what's up in oregon
00:11:37| like i don't do that but i'll miss meeting him at the water cooler and telling stories pretty much every day there's something like real that you'll lose with these people these day-to-day
00:11:48| people where yeah i'm going to say they're shallow friends but also they're i don't know what about your mailman of like 10 years or 15 years
00:11:58| if they die or change jobs like that's i don't know there's definitely something different about it in certain jobs there's a clash of people that you wouldn't put in you
00:12:08| in your clique and your sphere of friends and sometimes that external person is the one that like triggers other people to react to them and there's a like watching people
00:12:18| battle is amusing because there's some people that are just like blatantly idiotic and then someone just like rebukes them
00:12:26| and you're sitting there like this is this is absurd like they're going at it but you wouldn't have that in a group of friends if you're just like you might
00:12:35| interact with other people outside your group but if you're like with a group in your own house like you're not going to get that you're going to get a different type of like
00:12:43| interplay between people and and the interplay is going to be more not controlled but more predictable because it's the people you pick it's the people you hang out with the people
00:12:51| you're at work it's like people from different areas and like total different walks of life sometimes we're like i would never hang out with a
00:12:59| pagan motorcycle guy who happens to like wear that mustache that way and he what he does the oh my god he does the trash and recycling for the plant like oh my god
00:13:09| like but then you throw all these people together these forced friends these shallow friends and i like to call them force friends i'm changing the name they're forced friends
00:13:18| and it's funny because sometimes they stick and they will literally affect your life in ways you don't even know and you you couldn't tell me if you had two or three kids you couldn't tell
00:13:28| me where he grew up but like you know the way he tells a certain joke you know the way he jingles his keys when he's open the frigging door
00:13:35| like you know he always leaves his toast in the break room or some [ __ ] like that like there's little idiosyncrasies about these people that are so
00:13:44| real and so like awesome but like they're not your real friends but then there's there's also ones where you pretend to be friendly with people you want to be friends you want to like
00:13:54| hey here's my olive branch no i don't really hang out i'm just saying we should sometime no i don't really want to meet there i'm busy but we should sometime and like
00:14:02| we should do lunch we should meet up and there's those people and then you never really do anything with them and they change jobs and you hear about them six years later you're
00:14:11| like oh yeah he was all right so it's why some of them are some of them are some aren't and i think that's what you guys put it kind of some
00:14:25| of them are i don't know they force it because they i guess if you're at work and you need to make things better it's better to like have
00:14:33| someone in your corner some people don't have that in their corner or maybe they just like i don't know they they come and go and you don't realize the impact they have
00:14:42| on you and you never say it and you never get to say it maybe it's like you never get too nor could you it would be so weird wouldn't
00:14:49| it be weird if you said man if you disappeared that would be the weirdest thing ever i love you i love you man like a cubicle with like 30 people here's your
00:15:02| here's here's the geico paperwork can you guys sign off on this and we'll be back later we're in your khakis yeah so yeah i guess they're
00:15:13| it's not predators in a sense that they're going to prey on you they're predators in the sense that you don't know which ones are important which ones you'll miss
00:15:22| which ones are wasting your time and which ones you'll never hear from again then why play favorites i don't know it's weird well
00:15:35| be careful of them guys identify them what was the last part of our episode we always say identify them and make sure to avoid situations where they're going to ruin your life
00:15:45| and also this is what they look like everyone so there you go we're all predators even this how often do you think we're the fake friend or whatever i don't know i'm too nice i
00:16:01| feel like i can't tell people that they're awful so you're the fake friend dude a little bit oh predator you're a predator there's probably
00:16:11| people at all my old jobs who tell crazy stories about [ __ ] i did it's all legit guys and i'm getting crazier as i get older thanks for joining us tune in for
00:16:27| another episode of predators um what i'd like to say to wrap it up is predators
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