Transcript of Episode 26 - Undersharers
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00:00:09| that's quick jump right into it let's go i'm nick i'm dan we're gonna talk about under sharers people
00:00:18| keep you out of polls length won't let you kids fear yeah keep your head shield shields up the spartans with the wall of shields a phalanx i had a girlfriend once
00:00:32| and oh geez just been here already and she didn't tell me anything about what she was doing or it always seemed like i wanted to know more and i feel like i'm always on that
00:00:46| i was always on that side when i was younger but there are a giant group of women that just won't let you in they won't let you figure anything out about them they
00:00:54| won't tell you very much they'll keep you on the line to be like uh what feels like a second tier guy like a backup so i always kind of like felt like a backup to this one girl and
00:01:08| like you know we got serious and we're doing you know the things that dating people do intimate action intimate actions like
00:01:18| almost like a relationship by definition intimacy is sharing things i believe yeah definitely whoa so if i don't know i came to the
00:01:29| point where she kept like pushing me away and then she'd like disappear so like she would disappear at certain times and then like reappear like she was cinderella or
00:01:39| something she'd turn a pumpkin despair come back like the next day and uh i don't i couldn't figure it out and this happens a lot with like different women
00:01:48| but this one especially um i'll reveal the secret later on in the episode but there are always those people that just kind of like keep you at more than an arm's length that don't let you
00:02:00| figure anything out about them and maybe it's like they have like a history maybe they have like a an empty spot on their resume that says you know
00:02:08| i didn't do anything for this period of time and that's better than what you might know about me if i told you like i don't want to tell you because it's worse than nothing
00:02:16| is it bad news so is it always bad news it's definitely that they went to jail for terrible things i mean could it be could it be they just don't want to share with you and it's
00:02:28| boring is that ever a thing it could be it could be have you ever run into these people that you like you couldn't get anything out
00:02:37| of them that they didn't tell you anything personal that they towed the company line as well as the like normal line yeah well there's it's
00:02:46| hitting the minimum yeah so you have to show up to a job you have to well you have to do your job and you have to interact with your co-workers so
00:02:54| or your classmates or your whatever and there are people who 100 will meet the minimum it's like hey yeah hey man i had a good time this weekend
00:03:05| spring you're waiting you're like did you drink did you hang out with old friends did you go crazy did you guys go to a concert and then they're like obscure i had a
00:03:13| great time how about you it was good yeah it was okay yeah i had a good one too i did the usual anyway
00:03:20| anyway the project we were talking about and it's like whoa we just skipped over all the cool stuff we talked over we skipped over all the fun stuff my favorite talk is like
00:03:28| yo what'd you do this weekend you get oh my god you got wasted face come on did you hit her up on yourself that festival like the lights are crazy but then and then they cut out like
00:03:42| it was very really good then it's like you skipped a whole 10 minutes of conversation which i mean i mean realistically that 10 minutes
00:03:52| isn't anything it's just banter it's just talk it's filling space but it's kind of like that's what friendship's made of i guess you've always got that curiosity like
00:04:00| whenever someone like takes a long pause i always think they're going through all of the things that they did and it was fantastic but most people probably didn't do anything and they're
00:04:09| just covering that up and it could be and that's that's that's one way to do it like to if you had a really boring weekend and someone's like oh what'd you do and you're like
00:04:17| i had a good one man yeah and then everyone's waiting and you're like oh that's good how about you so good so good what you up to what you up to fam
00:04:25| and it's like ah so there's multiple reasons someone could not share i mean because a it's boring b it was exciting and they don't want to
00:04:35| share it with you is that a thing like yeah and they have the right to be left alone right oh they do i'm not even saying that they're bad people i mean you have the
00:04:43| right to not tell like how about this this is this is going to cook your noodle so we just talked in an episode once about oversharers or people who are newsy or
00:04:52| nosy whatever we're going to use some people say that but but like it's like annoying and maybe you're not super friends with that
00:05:01| person and you don't want to share it with them but you don't have a way of saying that so you kind of just play it off and you're like yeah i had a good one thanks dude i
00:05:08| don't want to talk about it and like there are probably instances in our lives me you where we are the person who isn't as friends with the person as we
00:05:18| think they are and they're like i don't feel like sharing it we wouldn't know right because the people who are nosy don't know it so occasionally that happens where
00:05:27| you're like oh okay you don't want to tell me cool okay cool okay that's that's fine awesome cool i was totally doing a beer bong and what's his name jimmy was holding it up
00:05:42| hey jimmy he was holding it dude he's holding it the cop was walking right by so these people have a right and you might be the loser in some of these stories i know it's weird to think i
00:05:57| would never think i'm a loser why wouldn't someone want to share their cool stories with me but it is a right and in a way aren't they more efficient
00:06:07| if they just want to cut to it and get to it yeah do whatever really needs to be done oh my god what if they're even worse they're even more efficient than that
00:06:16| they're like i don't have a long-term friendship plan with this individual i'm not going to cut time wasting time with my friendship there they pull out their schematic and see
00:06:23| how their friendships line up like this person does not fit the long-term goal a long-term friendship here is missing category c
00:06:32| d as well as g he's definitely not gonna make it not friendship material they just slam their hands on the thing and they're like
00:06:40| how was your weekend great mine was great let's move on and then they're ready to go into the work talk topic b let's continue i mean you get that in class you get it in
00:06:51| your neighbors and yeah i do have neighbors that are like that like they don't want to share anything and i kind of get it because i don't like the over sharing they're already
00:06:59| you're already close to them physically it's like they if you let that person in they could be there forever for 10 years they could walk in your house
00:07:08| like a framer busting open the door with a hair while what and you're like god damn you could avoid that with a simple shut it down compartmentalize
00:07:17| separate is that what those people are so where do the under under sharers fail i feel like it's like they're not going to get new experiences yeah and undershare is in control of who
00:07:29| they can't live vicariously well they may be if someone shares with them but the mutual the mutual sharing gets you really far in vicarious living well they have a
00:07:39| plan and this conversation this friendship this experience is not in the plan i guess and so it's a waste of time and so
00:07:49| they think they know what they want they think they know what they need they think they know what's extemporaneous what's waste what's going to burden them
00:08:00| and so it's almost like you know what you want i'm not going to try new foods this is what i want and this is the food i want you order the same food at the restaurant
00:08:08| you never try anything new like that's kind of the idea and in their respect they will never have a crappy meal that tasted terrible oh i thought peanut butter on
00:08:17| that steak was going to be great i really did but they never try anything new that could be exciting or like friggin i don't know stuff you don't know
00:08:28| classic undershare topic which is salary like people don't share how much they make because it's like a really sensitive topic and the person you're describing is
00:08:37| someone who's like just gonna like work and be like really like no to the grindstone just like get it done but there's a negotiation there and
00:08:45| there's a knowledge there that like i figured out midway through my career that like knowing how much everyone else makes helps you negotiate your way into like a
00:08:53| better position up the ladder or whatever you want to call it and it took like two key people to share their information with me
00:09:02| so that i could share with them does that only share with you does it only help you or does it help the other people as well it helps the other person to know that like i'm
00:09:11| higher or lower and like how much effort took and how i got there it's like if they could use the same tools and i could use the tools that they use then maybe there's like
00:09:19| a higher level of balance there because the management and the business and the company will never share that information with you you have to have a friend
00:09:30| you have to share so i guess the plus side is it's funny it always comes after jobs but i mean this works in the neighborhood
00:09:39| it works in the classroom stuff like that if you talk about how you did the project in school together you can figure out how someone got an a
00:09:46| and how to achieve that a you could figure out oh dude i didn't do that whole section i was like what and it's like no they were just looking for this section
00:09:54| and this information you're like interesting so by not sharing either a you're going to not gain an advantage but also
00:10:05| keep this in mind you're also not going to share an advantage yeah so if you already have it somehow like you've locked into it you're not giving it to someone else
00:10:14| which is interesting so maybe it protects your status quo yeah it might be that around the office people look up to me like i'm super experienced but i
00:10:23| i mean i have some experience but it's definitely more yeah you've had like one girlfriend you've slept with one uh anyway he's i've been here i'm super experienced folks yeah yeah
00:10:36| don't worry i'll tell you what to do in this situation just come to me say hold on a second dan knows what to do here you gotta undo it like this and it
00:10:46| just it's so easy just to pull it out like this and pull this and change this look so it brings me back to about this the secret is that that person that i was actually
00:10:57| dating turned out to be a dancer oh she was disappearing at night like dance what like like what like on ballet or it's an erotic dancer
00:11:09| audible gasps that caption audible gasp that better be you can include that down there actually double double audible gasps audible gasps audible gasp but yeah
00:11:25| and like it's one of those things that i guess she got to a point where she was comfortable sharing that with me and i don't know if it was because she was like trusting me or because she
00:11:34| didn't care about me like she knew she decided what i was going to be and is like either way it's weird to date someone and not mention that though
00:11:43| isn't it i don't know we got way closer and closer and then this is like i guess i pressed her a little bit and then she was like she backed off
00:11:51| i don't feel like women share immediately too it's like they they have like cycles that they follow and some certain points of the cycle they'll share with you or not
00:12:02| i didn't say what kind of cycle lunar he met or yeah very lunar is like 28 days-ish somewhere in there yes i believe so four weeks is a
00:12:14| crescent moon tonight do you would you like to uh fertilize your secrets come on can you show me your secrets please that's the interesting point i mean i i know i
00:12:28| got caught up on it yeah um there's a taboo thing there too is that people will take you for face value if you say like i am x like they're just like okay
00:12:39| you are that thing and i will take that forever as what you are very few people like look at the person and say like oh well they have
00:12:48| you know a milieu of skills and they have like a nice mix of personality and they like can think about things in a certain way so like they'll analyze every situation
00:12:59| and like you'll come out you know better for having them as a friend other people don't seem to make those decisions they'll just like be like yes
00:13:07| or no very binary people interesting uh having this episode kind of taught me that's what friendship is it's it's not keeping people at arm's length it's letting them know some of
00:13:18| your weaknesses strengths uh surprises because you can't can you be friends with someone who keeps you at a distance i don't think you really can
00:13:26| i think you can i think you have to kind of get up in their guts figure out what's going on with them like figure out what's going on with you like
00:13:34| they have to be vulnerable at times they have to this would be different they have to be there has to be weird things that happen you can't have a status quo and call it
00:13:42| a friendship i think if they did it would be like i'll buy the books paint by numbers friendship it wouldn't work so you can't have a friend and keep
00:13:50| them at arm's distance 100 i guess they'd be a friend of sorts but that's more what's wrong thank you that's literally the word i was looking for it's awesome i was
00:14:01| trying to say co-worker or the world finish each other's sandwiches yeah i'm hungry the earl of sandwich finished his own sandwiches yeah so
00:14:15| you need that in life i think honestly someone like that is stunting their own growth you like that i do it's safer you have control of it but eventually you need to grow you need
00:14:28| to experience the wackiness sometimes you need that person to prod and pull push you into situations yeah 100 take you on that whirlwind
00:14:41| ride that roller coaster you need to go up and down you need to go somewhere you didn't think you were going you need to go places you didn't want to go because
00:14:49| you don't know what you don't know experience is the remedy it is is that a jason razzle yes it is it's funny because i don't i didn't know that and i knew it as the
00:15:05| lyrics i was like who is that it was it wasn't yeah they just went with jason wrath that's good our way there yeah well how do we avoid these people should we avoid these
00:15:24| people is this a thing i don't know you try your best to fling yourself out people and see if they respond and if they don't maybe they want to be left in the dark
00:15:34| keep them in the dark or pull them out in the light weird depends non-binary there's a lot of shades of gray in there
00:15:44| yeah my therapist is gonna hate this episode predators prayers
00:00:18| keep you out of polls length won't let you kids fear yeah keep your head shield shields up the spartans with the wall of shields a phalanx i had a girlfriend once
00:00:32| and oh geez just been here already and she didn't tell me anything about what she was doing or it always seemed like i wanted to know more and i feel like i'm always on that
00:00:46| i was always on that side when i was younger but there are a giant group of women that just won't let you in they won't let you figure anything out about them they
00:00:54| won't tell you very much they'll keep you on the line to be like uh what feels like a second tier guy like a backup so i always kind of like felt like a backup to this one girl and
00:01:08| like you know we got serious and we're doing you know the things that dating people do intimate action intimate actions like
00:01:18| almost like a relationship by definition intimacy is sharing things i believe yeah definitely whoa so if i don't know i came to the
00:01:29| point where she kept like pushing me away and then she'd like disappear so like she would disappear at certain times and then like reappear like she was cinderella or
00:01:39| something she'd turn a pumpkin despair come back like the next day and uh i don't i couldn't figure it out and this happens a lot with like different women
00:01:48| but this one especially um i'll reveal the secret later on in the episode but there are always those people that just kind of like keep you at more than an arm's length that don't let you
00:02:00| figure anything out about them and maybe it's like they have like a history maybe they have like a an empty spot on their resume that says you know
00:02:08| i didn't do anything for this period of time and that's better than what you might know about me if i told you like i don't want to tell you because it's worse than nothing
00:02:16| is it bad news so is it always bad news it's definitely that they went to jail for terrible things i mean could it be could it be they just don't want to share with you and it's
00:02:28| boring is that ever a thing it could be it could be have you ever run into these people that you like you couldn't get anything out
00:02:37| of them that they didn't tell you anything personal that they towed the company line as well as the like normal line yeah well there's it's
00:02:46| hitting the minimum yeah so you have to show up to a job you have to well you have to do your job and you have to interact with your co-workers so
00:02:54| or your classmates or your whatever and there are people who 100 will meet the minimum it's like hey yeah hey man i had a good time this weekend
00:03:05| spring you're waiting you're like did you drink did you hang out with old friends did you go crazy did you guys go to a concert and then they're like obscure i had a
00:03:13| great time how about you it was good yeah it was okay yeah i had a good one too i did the usual anyway
00:03:20| anyway the project we were talking about and it's like whoa we just skipped over all the cool stuff we talked over we skipped over all the fun stuff my favorite talk is like
00:03:28| yo what'd you do this weekend you get oh my god you got wasted face come on did you hit her up on yourself that festival like the lights are crazy but then and then they cut out like
00:03:42| it was very really good then it's like you skipped a whole 10 minutes of conversation which i mean i mean realistically that 10 minutes
00:03:52| isn't anything it's just banter it's just talk it's filling space but it's kind of like that's what friendship's made of i guess you've always got that curiosity like
00:04:00| whenever someone like takes a long pause i always think they're going through all of the things that they did and it was fantastic but most people probably didn't do anything and they're
00:04:09| just covering that up and it could be and that's that's that's one way to do it like to if you had a really boring weekend and someone's like oh what'd you do and you're like
00:04:17| i had a good one man yeah and then everyone's waiting and you're like oh that's good how about you so good so good what you up to what you up to fam
00:04:25| and it's like ah so there's multiple reasons someone could not share i mean because a it's boring b it was exciting and they don't want to
00:04:35| share it with you is that a thing like yeah and they have the right to be left alone right oh they do i'm not even saying that they're bad people i mean you have the
00:04:43| right to not tell like how about this this is this is going to cook your noodle so we just talked in an episode once about oversharers or people who are newsy or
00:04:52| nosy whatever we're going to use some people say that but but like it's like annoying and maybe you're not super friends with that
00:05:01| person and you don't want to share it with them but you don't have a way of saying that so you kind of just play it off and you're like yeah i had a good one thanks dude i
00:05:08| don't want to talk about it and like there are probably instances in our lives me you where we are the person who isn't as friends with the person as we
00:05:18| think they are and they're like i don't feel like sharing it we wouldn't know right because the people who are nosy don't know it so occasionally that happens where
00:05:27| you're like oh okay you don't want to tell me cool okay cool okay that's that's fine awesome cool i was totally doing a beer bong and what's his name jimmy was holding it up
00:05:42| hey jimmy he was holding it dude he's holding it the cop was walking right by so these people have a right and you might be the loser in some of these stories i know it's weird to think i
00:05:57| would never think i'm a loser why wouldn't someone want to share their cool stories with me but it is a right and in a way aren't they more efficient
00:06:07| if they just want to cut to it and get to it yeah do whatever really needs to be done oh my god what if they're even worse they're even more efficient than that
00:06:16| they're like i don't have a long-term friendship plan with this individual i'm not going to cut time wasting time with my friendship there they pull out their schematic and see
00:06:23| how their friendships line up like this person does not fit the long-term goal a long-term friendship here is missing category c
00:06:32| d as well as g he's definitely not gonna make it not friendship material they just slam their hands on the thing and they're like
00:06:40| how was your weekend great mine was great let's move on and then they're ready to go into the work talk topic b let's continue i mean you get that in class you get it in
00:06:51| your neighbors and yeah i do have neighbors that are like that like they don't want to share anything and i kind of get it because i don't like the over sharing they're already
00:06:59| you're already close to them physically it's like they if you let that person in they could be there forever for 10 years they could walk in your house
00:07:08| like a framer busting open the door with a hair while what and you're like god damn you could avoid that with a simple shut it down compartmentalize
00:07:17| separate is that what those people are so where do the under under sharers fail i feel like it's like they're not going to get new experiences yeah and undershare is in control of who
00:07:29| they can't live vicariously well they may be if someone shares with them but the mutual the mutual sharing gets you really far in vicarious living well they have a
00:07:39| plan and this conversation this friendship this experience is not in the plan i guess and so it's a waste of time and so
00:07:49| they think they know what they want they think they know what they need they think they know what's extemporaneous what's waste what's going to burden them
00:08:00| and so it's almost like you know what you want i'm not going to try new foods this is what i want and this is the food i want you order the same food at the restaurant
00:08:08| you never try anything new like that's kind of the idea and in their respect they will never have a crappy meal that tasted terrible oh i thought peanut butter on
00:08:17| that steak was going to be great i really did but they never try anything new that could be exciting or like friggin i don't know stuff you don't know
00:08:28| classic undershare topic which is salary like people don't share how much they make because it's like a really sensitive topic and the person you're describing is
00:08:37| someone who's like just gonna like work and be like really like no to the grindstone just like get it done but there's a negotiation there and
00:08:45| there's a knowledge there that like i figured out midway through my career that like knowing how much everyone else makes helps you negotiate your way into like a
00:08:53| better position up the ladder or whatever you want to call it and it took like two key people to share their information with me
00:09:02| so that i could share with them does that only share with you does it only help you or does it help the other people as well it helps the other person to know that like i'm
00:09:11| higher or lower and like how much effort took and how i got there it's like if they could use the same tools and i could use the tools that they use then maybe there's like
00:09:19| a higher level of balance there because the management and the business and the company will never share that information with you you have to have a friend
00:09:30| you have to share so i guess the plus side is it's funny it always comes after jobs but i mean this works in the neighborhood
00:09:39| it works in the classroom stuff like that if you talk about how you did the project in school together you can figure out how someone got an a
00:09:46| and how to achieve that a you could figure out oh dude i didn't do that whole section i was like what and it's like no they were just looking for this section
00:09:54| and this information you're like interesting so by not sharing either a you're going to not gain an advantage but also
00:10:05| keep this in mind you're also not going to share an advantage yeah so if you already have it somehow like you've locked into it you're not giving it to someone else
00:10:14| which is interesting so maybe it protects your status quo yeah it might be that around the office people look up to me like i'm super experienced but i
00:10:23| i mean i have some experience but it's definitely more yeah you've had like one girlfriend you've slept with one uh anyway he's i've been here i'm super experienced folks yeah yeah
00:10:36| don't worry i'll tell you what to do in this situation just come to me say hold on a second dan knows what to do here you gotta undo it like this and it
00:10:46| just it's so easy just to pull it out like this and pull this and change this look so it brings me back to about this the secret is that that person that i was actually
00:10:57| dating turned out to be a dancer oh she was disappearing at night like dance what like like what like on ballet or it's an erotic dancer
00:11:09| audible gasps that caption audible gasp that better be you can include that down there actually double double audible gasps audible gasps audible gasp but yeah
00:11:25| and like it's one of those things that i guess she got to a point where she was comfortable sharing that with me and i don't know if it was because she was like trusting me or because she
00:11:34| didn't care about me like she knew she decided what i was going to be and is like either way it's weird to date someone and not mention that though
00:11:43| isn't it i don't know we got way closer and closer and then this is like i guess i pressed her a little bit and then she was like she backed off
00:11:51| i don't feel like women share immediately too it's like they they have like cycles that they follow and some certain points of the cycle they'll share with you or not
00:12:02| i didn't say what kind of cycle lunar he met or yeah very lunar is like 28 days-ish somewhere in there yes i believe so four weeks is a
00:12:14| crescent moon tonight do you would you like to uh fertilize your secrets come on can you show me your secrets please that's the interesting point i mean i i know i
00:12:28| got caught up on it yeah um there's a taboo thing there too is that people will take you for face value if you say like i am x like they're just like okay
00:12:39| you are that thing and i will take that forever as what you are very few people like look at the person and say like oh well they have
00:12:48| you know a milieu of skills and they have like a nice mix of personality and they like can think about things in a certain way so like they'll analyze every situation
00:12:59| and like you'll come out you know better for having them as a friend other people don't seem to make those decisions they'll just like be like yes
00:13:07| or no very binary people interesting uh having this episode kind of taught me that's what friendship is it's it's not keeping people at arm's length it's letting them know some of
00:13:18| your weaknesses strengths uh surprises because you can't can you be friends with someone who keeps you at a distance i don't think you really can
00:13:26| i think you can i think you have to kind of get up in their guts figure out what's going on with them like figure out what's going on with you like
00:13:34| they have to be vulnerable at times they have to this would be different they have to be there has to be weird things that happen you can't have a status quo and call it
00:13:42| a friendship i think if they did it would be like i'll buy the books paint by numbers friendship it wouldn't work so you can't have a friend and keep
00:13:50| them at arm's distance 100 i guess they'd be a friend of sorts but that's more what's wrong thank you that's literally the word i was looking for it's awesome i was
00:14:01| trying to say co-worker or the world finish each other's sandwiches yeah i'm hungry the earl of sandwich finished his own sandwiches yeah so
00:14:15| you need that in life i think honestly someone like that is stunting their own growth you like that i do it's safer you have control of it but eventually you need to grow you need
00:14:28| to experience the wackiness sometimes you need that person to prod and pull push you into situations yeah 100 take you on that whirlwind
00:14:41| ride that roller coaster you need to go up and down you need to go somewhere you didn't think you were going you need to go places you didn't want to go because
00:14:49| you don't know what you don't know experience is the remedy it is is that a jason razzle yes it is it's funny because i don't i didn't know that and i knew it as the
00:15:05| lyrics i was like who is that it was it wasn't yeah they just went with jason wrath that's good our way there yeah well how do we avoid these people should we avoid these
00:15:24| people is this a thing i don't know you try your best to fling yourself out people and see if they respond and if they don't maybe they want to be left in the dark
00:15:34| keep them in the dark or pull them out in the light weird depends non-binary there's a lot of shades of gray in there
00:15:44| yeah my therapist is gonna hate this episode predators prayers
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