Transcript of Episode 31 - Hitman Assassins
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00:00:18| hey thanks for joining us i'm nick i'm van tonight we're going to talk about that age-old problem we've all had at work or school or just in the neighborhood
00:00:30| assassins you're like what assassins the wikipedia disambiguous definition for someone belonging to the medieval syrian persian
00:00:42| is mali order of assassin everyone knows an assassin that's one of them yeah the other one might be someone who commits a targeted murder or ass ass a nation nation baby
00:00:58| um it's funny because i just call them assassins i think that's what we're going to talk about tonight but it's almost like uh hitmen a little bit we're going to touch
00:01:06| on yeah we're touching on all the heavy hitters your predators um it's wild to me that there's actually stats on contract killing the real
00:01:19| contract killing because we're gonna get into the generalities like people stab you in the back and stuff at work like that's what i thought we were going into but i was like
00:01:27| i was like totally real hit men i want to check out this stat um it accounted for two percent of murders in australia so the reason yeah that's pretty good
00:01:38| now that they only did this study in australia at the arts australian institute of criminology there were 162 attempted or actual contract murders in australia
00:01:49| between 89 and 02. so like uh you get like seven to 12 a year i don't know the average hit was worth fifteen thousand with variations from five to
00:02:00| thirty grand it's not but i think when you're out in the deep brush in australia maybe it's worth it especially you're down on your luck
00:02:08| you're gonna kill a guy and then just think of this a hit you're also not you don't know the guy right i mean you're loosely connected in some fashion right
00:02:19| six degrees so that separation that's just it so you have to figure out how to be most disconnected uh level fares close insurance policies oh yeah and the payouts they're in
00:02:36| like can you imagine that taking like a two million dollar policy out on yourself and then a hit out on yourself for 30 grand worth it i say do it the math adds up
00:02:44| it's going to work out self-inflicted assassination or this other people trying to assassinate their spouses didn't say but i imagine there's a few both ways think of that
00:02:53| like a real good dad who just wants to die nothing wrong with that takes out 5 million on himself he pays the guy 30 grand he says hey keep the tip here's 31 grand i don't
00:03:05| know and then uh i guess how do they investigate it i don't even know your email and stuff the problem is how do you get rid of the hitman because the
00:03:14| hit man always squeaks squawks before he gets caught i would squawk as well wouldn't you yeah so you need a hit man to take care of the hit man and
00:03:23| then the man take care of that hit man and then the other guy does two hits it's getting expensive yeah that's all yeah but five million dollars like
00:03:31| that'll cover it yeah i guess stuff you're you're in good you know you just have a little fun throw a little blood all over the map no one will be able to retrace the steps
00:03:40| someone will get all i don't know blown up so we have them in real life which i think is very cool and if you're a hitman hit the comments below let us know what
00:03:50| you're thinking if you're looking for work we'll post a link somewhere i think okay hitman the game yeah hitman the game in real life
00:04:01| tapped my nose that's how you know so there's also hitmen in like our jobs and our places of work and like just someone who's just waiting in the bushes
00:04:13| for personal gain oh yeah oh he didn't do the report i did the report by the way here's the report and it's like hold up you didn't i didn't even know
00:04:21| you knew i didn't do the report you son of a [ __ ] i see how it is the interesting thing about being a hitman or an assassin is that
00:04:35| you when you do your move you put all your cards on the table like you can't say it was an accident i had no idea i was
00:04:44| gunning for your life and your career and your job oops you can't put the toothpaste back in that tube so when the hitman plays his cards his
00:04:56| ultimate move if it fails you should kill him yeah you can't un-whiz the cheese no you can't he's coming for you he's coming at the king
00:05:07| like he did it he made his move if he's unsuccessful he better have a new job yeah or if you're in the olden days and trying to assassinate the king
00:05:20| you're done and they catch you and you're still alive oh it's not gonna go too well it's not gonna go over too well are there like everyday hitmen we still
00:05:32| have so this is the part that i was really intrigued about is the people that like they take the fall they're like the primary hit man
00:05:42| as like the doer of the action but the people who are like masterminding it and putting the pieces together conspiracies like those are the true
00:05:52| hitmen because they can actually plan it out and pay for these things is the person who does the action worse or better or are they equal i think worse
00:06:03| i think worse because think of the other person the other person's doing it for money that's a payday it's not an admirable thing but it's not as bad as
00:06:12| enacting it you have money and you're literally using your money to have someone killed or whatever that strikes me as a worse individual
00:06:24| anything for money no i think they're not the worst person they need the money the person who needs the hit needs someone killed
00:06:35| like when you think of you weigh the two things i need the money i need someone killed it's like the person who needs someone killed is probably a worse person
00:06:43| wouldn't you say i want to know man i wish i wish we looked this up before like hitmen sentences versus the people who plan the hit
00:06:55| i think it's it's all about proof isn't it and that's what makes first degree murder worse you plan it do you know what i mean conspiracy to
00:07:04| commit all these atrocities usually ends up worse than i don't know about committing them but then committing a random act of violence so do you think it's you're gonna ever
00:07:16| meet a hitman in real life do you think they're gonna be able to cover it up do you think they'll ever try to take hit on you no no because it's not worth their time
00:07:26| or money do you have any policies on your life not a single one no okay no anyone you don't know about no actually don't you have to be aware
00:07:37| of any insurance policy where you or your life is the beneficiary usually they have a test so they take your blood and you pee in a cup and they weigh you so all of that maybe you
00:07:48| could be a conscious for [Laughter] god damn i got this weird mark in my arm i feel like i've been pissing all night
00:07:59| you're fine honey fine i feel like i lost a pint of blood yeah you just visited the hospital and you woke up you're fine now well the hitman thing
00:08:12| interests me also in that if you had we talked about this on an episode before jeff bezos money oh yeah he could just destroy people with money
00:08:22| loads of money could you pay a guy to pay a guy to pay a guy to pay a guy to pay a guy to kill someone that's too many people someone's gonna rat you would think but
00:08:35| you're so far removed from the actual murder if it happens that could they really trace it all back you almost have that many locked doors that would have to rat on you
00:08:43| eight rat locked doors each one not knowing about the one yeah how do you make it so they don't know about you well you have a guy you pay to do
00:08:52| something like i would pay a guy to type something here i would pay a guy to say what i was saying another guy to not have his mouth open and listen to what i was listening to another guy to
00:09:04| type what he was hearing cut out letters from magazines no no we could just type an encrypted server
00:09:12| to another guy who was getting the message knowing that this was just coming from an anonymous source that was going to pay him a bounty
00:09:20| and then i would have him maybe hand write a letter to someone else and deliver it to someone who would then kill someone would that
00:09:29| work i think maybe or maybe because there's so many things i would still have the dark web do something weird vba to someone else into
00:09:41| another computer and then make that look like it was from them yeah but i'd have to make it look like that computer somehow was smart enough
00:09:51| to do that it's a lot of research but i think i could do it if i had unlimited resources which you don't i do not so what i might do
00:10:04| is start putting my name on reddit and saying i'll kill someone for money so that i can eventually this happens it's like a side surprise
00:10:13| real thing did someone do this no not yet but i think i hope you can do it i don't have the money i will pay you back over time
00:10:27| what if he what if it was worse i was like i'll kill him on credit can you lend me the money first and then i'll eventually kill him he's on borrowed time
00:10:39| i'm going to kill him very slowly so that his life goes down equal to the amount you pay me i just show up at his house i'm like you like cigarettes these are free
00:10:51| secondhand all over lowering that life expectancy oh man good idea anyway uh honestly there aren't many assassins you probably don't have
00:11:03| to worry about the real ones you might i'm not saying you don't just you might yeah so what they say is to every time you get in your car
00:11:14| look back and to the right that's the trick if you look to your left and you're in america nothing check your car check your garage check
00:11:24| your bedroom late at night yeah you never know when there's somebody banging at your door waiting to kill you yeah so watch out for him at your jobs and
00:11:34| everywhere else too um who's the victim we're the victims folks people of minor meager means so simple phone thanks for tuning in be
00:11:46| careful out there there are ass ass asses and they're coming for you they're coming on me they're coming for all of us
00:11:55| careful out there folks we like it predators
00:00:30| assassins you're like what assassins the wikipedia disambiguous definition for someone belonging to the medieval syrian persian
00:00:42| is mali order of assassin everyone knows an assassin that's one of them yeah the other one might be someone who commits a targeted murder or ass ass a nation nation baby
00:00:58| um it's funny because i just call them assassins i think that's what we're going to talk about tonight but it's almost like uh hitmen a little bit we're going to touch
00:01:06| on yeah we're touching on all the heavy hitters your predators um it's wild to me that there's actually stats on contract killing the real
00:01:19| contract killing because we're gonna get into the generalities like people stab you in the back and stuff at work like that's what i thought we were going into but i was like
00:01:27| i was like totally real hit men i want to check out this stat um it accounted for two percent of murders in australia so the reason yeah that's pretty good
00:01:38| now that they only did this study in australia at the arts australian institute of criminology there were 162 attempted or actual contract murders in australia
00:01:49| between 89 and 02. so like uh you get like seven to 12 a year i don't know the average hit was worth fifteen thousand with variations from five to
00:02:00| thirty grand it's not but i think when you're out in the deep brush in australia maybe it's worth it especially you're down on your luck
00:02:08| you're gonna kill a guy and then just think of this a hit you're also not you don't know the guy right i mean you're loosely connected in some fashion right
00:02:19| six degrees so that separation that's just it so you have to figure out how to be most disconnected uh level fares close insurance policies oh yeah and the payouts they're in
00:02:36| like can you imagine that taking like a two million dollar policy out on yourself and then a hit out on yourself for 30 grand worth it i say do it the math adds up
00:02:44| it's going to work out self-inflicted assassination or this other people trying to assassinate their spouses didn't say but i imagine there's a few both ways think of that
00:02:53| like a real good dad who just wants to die nothing wrong with that takes out 5 million on himself he pays the guy 30 grand he says hey keep the tip here's 31 grand i don't
00:03:05| know and then uh i guess how do they investigate it i don't even know your email and stuff the problem is how do you get rid of the hitman because the
00:03:14| hit man always squeaks squawks before he gets caught i would squawk as well wouldn't you yeah so you need a hit man to take care of the hit man and
00:03:23| then the man take care of that hit man and then the other guy does two hits it's getting expensive yeah that's all yeah but five million dollars like
00:03:31| that'll cover it yeah i guess stuff you're you're in good you know you just have a little fun throw a little blood all over the map no one will be able to retrace the steps
00:03:40| someone will get all i don't know blown up so we have them in real life which i think is very cool and if you're a hitman hit the comments below let us know what
00:03:50| you're thinking if you're looking for work we'll post a link somewhere i think okay hitman the game yeah hitman the game in real life
00:04:01| tapped my nose that's how you know so there's also hitmen in like our jobs and our places of work and like just someone who's just waiting in the bushes
00:04:13| for personal gain oh yeah oh he didn't do the report i did the report by the way here's the report and it's like hold up you didn't i didn't even know
00:04:21| you knew i didn't do the report you son of a [ __ ] i see how it is the interesting thing about being a hitman or an assassin is that
00:04:35| you when you do your move you put all your cards on the table like you can't say it was an accident i had no idea i was
00:04:44| gunning for your life and your career and your job oops you can't put the toothpaste back in that tube so when the hitman plays his cards his
00:04:56| ultimate move if it fails you should kill him yeah you can't un-whiz the cheese no you can't he's coming for you he's coming at the king
00:05:07| like he did it he made his move if he's unsuccessful he better have a new job yeah or if you're in the olden days and trying to assassinate the king
00:05:20| you're done and they catch you and you're still alive oh it's not gonna go too well it's not gonna go over too well are there like everyday hitmen we still
00:05:32| have so this is the part that i was really intrigued about is the people that like they take the fall they're like the primary hit man
00:05:42| as like the doer of the action but the people who are like masterminding it and putting the pieces together conspiracies like those are the true
00:05:52| hitmen because they can actually plan it out and pay for these things is the person who does the action worse or better or are they equal i think worse
00:06:03| i think worse because think of the other person the other person's doing it for money that's a payday it's not an admirable thing but it's not as bad as
00:06:12| enacting it you have money and you're literally using your money to have someone killed or whatever that strikes me as a worse individual
00:06:24| anything for money no i think they're not the worst person they need the money the person who needs the hit needs someone killed
00:06:35| like when you think of you weigh the two things i need the money i need someone killed it's like the person who needs someone killed is probably a worse person
00:06:43| wouldn't you say i want to know man i wish i wish we looked this up before like hitmen sentences versus the people who plan the hit
00:06:55| i think it's it's all about proof isn't it and that's what makes first degree murder worse you plan it do you know what i mean conspiracy to
00:07:04| commit all these atrocities usually ends up worse than i don't know about committing them but then committing a random act of violence so do you think it's you're gonna ever
00:07:16| meet a hitman in real life do you think they're gonna be able to cover it up do you think they'll ever try to take hit on you no no because it's not worth their time
00:07:26| or money do you have any policies on your life not a single one no okay no anyone you don't know about no actually don't you have to be aware
00:07:37| of any insurance policy where you or your life is the beneficiary usually they have a test so they take your blood and you pee in a cup and they weigh you so all of that maybe you
00:07:48| could be a conscious for [Laughter] god damn i got this weird mark in my arm i feel like i've been pissing all night
00:07:59| you're fine honey fine i feel like i lost a pint of blood yeah you just visited the hospital and you woke up you're fine now well the hitman thing
00:08:12| interests me also in that if you had we talked about this on an episode before jeff bezos money oh yeah he could just destroy people with money
00:08:22| loads of money could you pay a guy to pay a guy to pay a guy to pay a guy to pay a guy to kill someone that's too many people someone's gonna rat you would think but
00:08:35| you're so far removed from the actual murder if it happens that could they really trace it all back you almost have that many locked doors that would have to rat on you
00:08:43| eight rat locked doors each one not knowing about the one yeah how do you make it so they don't know about you well you have a guy you pay to do
00:08:52| something like i would pay a guy to type something here i would pay a guy to say what i was saying another guy to not have his mouth open and listen to what i was listening to another guy to
00:09:04| type what he was hearing cut out letters from magazines no no we could just type an encrypted server
00:09:12| to another guy who was getting the message knowing that this was just coming from an anonymous source that was going to pay him a bounty
00:09:20| and then i would have him maybe hand write a letter to someone else and deliver it to someone who would then kill someone would that
00:09:29| work i think maybe or maybe because there's so many things i would still have the dark web do something weird vba to someone else into
00:09:41| another computer and then make that look like it was from them yeah but i'd have to make it look like that computer somehow was smart enough
00:09:51| to do that it's a lot of research but i think i could do it if i had unlimited resources which you don't i do not so what i might do
00:10:04| is start putting my name on reddit and saying i'll kill someone for money so that i can eventually this happens it's like a side surprise
00:10:13| real thing did someone do this no not yet but i think i hope you can do it i don't have the money i will pay you back over time
00:10:27| what if he what if it was worse i was like i'll kill him on credit can you lend me the money first and then i'll eventually kill him he's on borrowed time
00:10:39| i'm going to kill him very slowly so that his life goes down equal to the amount you pay me i just show up at his house i'm like you like cigarettes these are free
00:10:51| secondhand all over lowering that life expectancy oh man good idea anyway uh honestly there aren't many assassins you probably don't have
00:11:03| to worry about the real ones you might i'm not saying you don't just you might yeah so what they say is to every time you get in your car
00:11:14| look back and to the right that's the trick if you look to your left and you're in america nothing check your car check your garage check
00:11:24| your bedroom late at night yeah you never know when there's somebody banging at your door waiting to kill you yeah so watch out for him at your jobs and
00:11:34| everywhere else too um who's the victim we're the victims folks people of minor meager means so simple phone thanks for tuning in be
00:11:46| careful out there there are ass ass asses and they're coming for you they're coming on me they're coming for all of us
00:11:55| careful out there folks we like it predators
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