Transcript of Episode 139 - Hair Style
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00:00:09| you can shave it and you can save it you can tickle it and you can tease it it sits there all over your body
00:00:17| sometimes you have none at all sometimes you want none and have some sometimes you have some and you want none we touch it all the time we love it when others touch it
00:00:28| and it's all over the place as an expression of ourselves that isn't even alive let's talk about it let's talk about hair
00:00:44| so i'm dan and i'm nick folks we're old friends dissecting one topic at a time people technology media we've got it all covered each discussion here is a deep dive into
00:00:56| our unique perspective taboo for busy subjects they're all on the chopping block baby we don't pander to popular opinion we might even get a little bit
00:01:06| dirty warning this podcast may contain mature language and sexual content and is for infotainment purposes only so join us have a good time open up your ear holes
00:01:18| because we're going to fondle your [Music] follicles [Music] harmonized all righty hey folks
00:01:39| another instagram dan and i'm nick yeah we're the unpanderers and he's got a stash as a homage to this oh this episode march mustache ah march
00:01:57| mustache madness yeah we're doing it to promote awareness of men mustaches okay no just mustaches okay me and a couple of the guys from work so ah oh you got a crew now
00:02:13| i got a crew i know some guys yeah we do stuff at work we're creepy so so hair brings us to hair you get it done if you're a girl you get
00:02:27| it did episode over we just did it we done did hair it's over how does a lizard song go take your hair no i do my hair up check my nose do my toes
00:02:45| check my neck i love that song by the way i do all right check one i do my hair yeah so doing your hair is pretty important
00:02:58| as you can see i'm kind of i'm strickler about my hair i throw it up and stays up whatever it be it'd be yeah like you could say that about my
00:03:08| hair i don't know when the last time i watched it is i don't know if i use product or not that you're actually not supposed to wash every day
00:03:17| really then my hair is going to be awesome actually i've heard that you're not supposed to overdo it because you strip it over its oils
00:03:23| yeah natural environment why is that why do we frown upon people that have oily hair i don't know as someone who had oily hair when i grew my hair out i demand
00:03:36| answers i demand trend and you realize everyone was looking down upon you because of your oily hair well not because i would crouch really low
00:03:52| that's why they were looking down on me but yeah but what is um what is hair uh is it keratin uh it's a follicle but i don't know what it like
00:04:05| is i think it's made of keratin what's keratin isn't that a plant thing no that's something else oh a protein filament that grows from follicles found in the dermis
00:04:17| duh what is it here's the one defining characteristic of mammals the human body apart from the areas of glabrous skin is covered in follicles which produce thick terminal and fine villus hair
00:04:30| most conventious hairs focus on growth hair types and hair care also is important bio material primarily because protein notably alpha keratin boom
00:04:41| got it knowledge oh here it's like i don't know it's dead right yeah sort of part of your body that is excreted out yeah exactly like creepy it's weird
00:04:55| green that stays with you yeah it just hangs around to keep you warm um i don't know i've heard differing opinions on
00:05:05| whether it actually keeps you warm like the vikings had the thick furry arm hair to like seal in the warmth but it doesn't i don't think it really does that
00:05:13| yeah yeah baby you see that nice i know it is pretty wild especially because it stops from like my elbow to my forearm it has a name um it always grows in a certain way body
00:05:25| hair what was it called but yeah your hair hair like the one on your head is also different than your your body hair like your different kinds
00:05:33| of hair yeah yeah i like touching hair i like when other people touch my hair what's the longest you ever had hair uh probably to my shoulders okay was it longer than mine about as long as
00:05:44| mine i never compared length to you i was afraid i might be larger i mean longer we could have done an episode together yeah live could have now we should have
00:05:57| sadly we're aging and our hair is starting to fade our glory days have surrendered your hair ears moving backwards a little bit i've
00:06:06| always had this like v yeah i mean has it changed i have no idea um maybe slightly but i think that's in my head okay i don't know that it's so my
00:06:16| hairdresser friend she says that the hair like physically changes like when you start to lose your hair like it feels different i don't i don't think i'm there yeah i
00:06:26| don't think it feels different that's pretty good looks pretty manageable fluffy light airy yeah playful yeah it's still past my 20s
00:06:35| mm-hmm you can see it i could see it the uh did you have different hair styles just out of curiosity did you have a straight up bowl cut were you a bowl cut
00:06:44| i had bowl cut for a while when i was real little i had uh i thought you you looked bowl cutting the spiky one i didn't have the frosted no frosting oh you missed that yeah i
00:06:55| didn't want that uh a serious part and then i had like this like part like this a half part part whoa whoa language i think
00:07:07| how do you do you have a way you do your hair with like the gels or anything you just kind of oil it wait till it's mostly dry no i do have a little bit of
00:07:16| paste very little you keep your own oil and a jar and then i just do this i point it together ah i go like this and then i find any loose ones i move them around for a
00:07:25| couple seconds and i'm usually good and i say let like god take take over the rest because it's gonna not look perfect of course not not supposed to yeah
00:07:34| just let it do its thing in high school had moose and like it would like stiffen and then it would like break apart and then my hair would be like just everywhere
00:07:43| now i actually take mousse and then hairspray rub that again boom throw it back don't have to worry about it well because otherwise it would come
00:07:51| into your face yeah like go down here getting in your eyes which brings us to the purpose of hair one of them for your eyebrows getting the sweat out
00:07:59| of your eyes oh is that what that's for it doesn't seem to work all the time but i guess it more often than not i guess sweat drips down that way if you were hunting boars you'd probably notice it
00:08:08| much more often yeah i can see that especially if you're rather it's makes you sweat those spears especially a two-hand because then you don't got
00:08:17| um if you're doing a two-hander you know what i'm saying we need a third person that just makes animal noises yeah the whole time the uh
00:08:29| so do you think hairdresser was like an ancient job how do you think they cut hair do you think they just let it go cavemen knives i don't know i think they
00:08:39| were knives they invented knives together shaving i don't know that one's a little scarier but like the hair cutting because it's away from your body
00:08:46| yeah i could see some cottage going on even back way back in the day you know what i mean do you think that's like samson like his hair i mean back in the
00:08:56| biblical times they sheared his hair off and they lost his strength so they knew how to cut hair back then yeah on them big strong [ __ ]
00:09:04| samson rip he was a true the true like uh do you think he was the original what's his name fabio fabio he was beautiful and like have long hit him in the face
00:09:18| what are the chances you're gonna get hit by a bird on a roller coaster you wonder if he has his face insured and then he gets paid out what if they set up that bird to fly and
00:09:29| hit his face it was a train a bird homing that's a that's probably a business you can get into if you could prove a 100 that it would
00:09:40| work yeah you can get paid out because your face is beautiful and you have an insurance policy on it yeah not bad yeah
00:09:48| training it's got to be a [ __ ] though yeah that's a good point trial and error just the same ugly person over and over teaches how to identify new people i
00:09:58| guess birds can't identify people i'm pretty sure by their hair maybe not i don't know so hair on top of your head their function yeah that's what we're kind of
00:10:11| talking about i actually don't know um hair on top of your head it's awesome it's weird that it's all hereditary too like redheads be get redheads and like
00:10:21| and it's weird that i feel like uh two generations before us that was their their porn like they were like yeah really love me some brunette on brunette or something we're like yeah get me a
00:10:32| blonde giving it to a blonde and it's like that was how you described porn i feel like way back in the day by their hairstyle oh redheads going wild yes
00:10:43| like do what i mean do you agree what is this um so the color of the hair is determined by the melanin which i knew um
00:10:53| you see your low male and close feel melanin apparently different types of color and lightness and brightness leads to the different types of hair
00:11:04| color what's great here then i wonder for the record but what is it is the pigment stops yeah actually it's probably white right
00:11:17| yeah it's probably white i think you're bleeding in that one spot no because it's just white it's been there forever i don't think i'm gonna go bald for a
00:11:27| long time so i'm i'm not gonna wood on that the craziest part is like how do you evolve to have hair where you do like if you took an a very hairless
00:11:38| version of yourself generations ago how did yeah where does the i guess it's for attraction of a mate well well think of it
00:11:50| if we descended from girls and monkeys and stuff like that like there was a need for hair over the whole body so it's not that hair developed here
00:11:59| it's just hair stopped developing in other places right this is my take on it like if you're if we really did descend from monkeys then they needed warmth up until
00:12:10| they figured out how to use tools and clothes themselves and then you no longer need hair like where your clothes are and then on your face your eyebrows are
00:12:20| first wet i think the hair that's in your nose and your ears is to prevent microbes getting in there yeah like the dust breathing in allergens and
00:12:28| maybe influenza a corona virus or two um beard i mean the the beard is probably like sweat like when you're hunting vital women no because women weren't hunters
00:12:39| is that what you're saying why why do women not yeah that makes sense i mean that would make sense i'm not arguing with it boom science right here
00:12:48| doing that show you were talking about and then hair on the top of your head is probably preventing cancer because if you constantly had sun
00:12:56| beating on top of your head sure yeah that makes sense also like i wonder if some of it is like because of the sun hitting your head that there's like
00:13:05| radiation and your genes are changing and then like boom it's like that already changed and that's where mutation already happened it wouldn't make sense i wouldn't be
00:13:14| against that the uh the other question is i guess then then it does play into sexual attraction and like peacocking and getting a mate and all that right
00:13:22| after the fact because the amount of hair you have should be equivalent to your testosterone the speed of your health your health yeah overall if you want to say it
00:13:30| vitality or your uniqueness or rareness oh a rare bird in these pots my my child that's my 12 year old daughter ah yes indeed yeah back in the day that's how
00:13:42| childhood back in the day that's how you unite kings yes they still i guess game thrones yeah game drones are you game thrones baby uh
00:13:57| that's wild and it's weird that um so my girlfriend does hair for a living that's what she does she does it at work she does it at home she does it on the side it's her hustle
00:14:11| she this is what they do if they do it for a living they start branching out oh i'll start doing your mom's hair i'll start doing your sister's hair so during
00:14:18| your aunt's hair oh your cousin yeah she comes in once every three months and it's crazy because with women it's not as it's probably with men too
00:14:26| you get so comfortable with the person who does your hair that you go back to them again and again that's a weird phenomenon isn't it yeah um
00:14:34| yeah for about three years i've had the same person up until recently and then i was like oh you made a big change yeah wow you sports clips it i just don't care anymore and now you're
00:14:45| getting a steam cloth massage tool whatever the hell that is it's so weird because it's like i'm not allowed to touch you but i'm
00:14:54| going to massage you with this weird looking vibrator it's weird too because they do touch you like a hairdresser usually kind of is fairly close to you all the time
00:15:03| so why do they have that stupid tool to be like remember i'm keeping my hands off you know i think that's just that's that's a gimmick but
00:15:10| but in general your hairdresser touches you like a lot they they physically touch you in spots maybe she doesn't know well do you see how often i have a haircut
00:15:22| like this is like the old joke with like the roofer has the leaky roof at home or like the the plumber never fixes his pipes at home and it's like i i always look at her and
00:15:31| i'm like do for a haircut and she's like i just did hair for four hours and then three more hours after lunch i'm not doing hair again and i'm like
00:15:39| okay back off back off that's fine the next day you ask it again she's like i did eight hours straight of hair i'm not doing no goddamn hair and i'm like okay that's fine that's fine
00:15:47| and then like a week goes by and i'm like do you want me to just go to like hair cuttery and she's like you can't go to hair cuttery i do hair for a living
00:15:55| and it's like so do you want to do hair and she's like no i just did hair all day and i'm like it's a weird where am i strange this is twilight it's not gonna have balance right there like
00:16:04| i'm gonna ask for a haircut in fact that's when i grew my hair out i went a whole year without a haircut from her wow even though that was her profession i was just like defiance right there
00:16:13| it's a little bit of defiance plus plus it's kind of cool for your hair yeah did she cut here in the house yeah she just did today does that get hair everywhere
00:16:25| um we have wood floors usually kind of just sweep it up yeah my uh my previous hairdresser she would always make us take your shoes
00:16:34| off and then like the hair would get everywhere anyway and like she had tile and wood floors and stuff but still like she was grossed out
00:16:44| because she would find it everywhere in her house is that the case with your house to a degree you can find hair at random spots all over the place
00:16:53| it doesn't bother me because i'm a gross individual and i have a really low threshold for what's hygienic and what's not to me like i would brush hair off food and just keep eating it
00:17:01| and probably cover up for murders too and they'd be like we found 37 people's dna in your kitchen luckily we can't figure out how they're all connected
00:17:14| we can't figure it out but they have beautiful haircuts the uh the other cool the other cool thing is that no one thinks of this like hair is like
00:17:23| weirdly dangerous i feel like because she had eczema of her hands my girlfriend and like the hair oh dude the hair would like puncture your skin and like just go at
00:17:34| you it's like getting a splinter that's doggy no it's people hair no but like it should cut it have you had dog hair in your shoe oh and then like have it like go
00:17:43| through your heel like he gets like stuck in your body is human hair can do the same thing absolutely it depends on the angle it's cut at
00:17:50| the person's hair the sharpness like a smaller one is actually stronger you know what i mean because it's longer and whatever so yeah dude you start realizing hair is dangerous it can be
00:18:00| everywhere you can't get away from it it ruins your clothes and stuff like it gets it under your fingernails other people's hair that's weird because if you have like a wool sweater or
00:18:08| something like you can't get that hair out even that's made of hair and check this one it's not like because i said that you're physically touching
00:18:16| your client whatever they call them you're also like the biggest secret holder like um there's a joke in what's called mean girls that
00:18:24| her hair's so big because it's full of secrets and like the the truth of the matter is i think my girlfriend knows more about everyone she cuts their hair
00:18:33| than anyone else because it's always like oh how's it going my husband's an alcoholic and it's like oh that's nice what were you guys doing
00:18:41| he killed someone and it's like you're constantly kind of burdened down by people's like entire lives and then if you see them in six weeks
00:18:51| you better remember most of that so it's probably it's probably not the most fun like you you have to keep being the emotional sponge kind of this
00:19:00| is exactly how i'll call it lisa that's her name my previously so you have people come over shoot cut their hair and they would linger
00:19:10| like they'd be in her house just like sitting on the couch chatting with people and she's just like get the [ __ ] out like i don't want you to tell your story
00:19:19| and i don't want to listen to it for the tenth time a hairdresser is very like a bartender i feel like bartender and hairdresser are the two people who get told the most
00:19:28| tales of woes and everything it's like that yeoman's job where we feel comfortable for whatever reason telling them all this stuff
00:19:36| and you get into a habit if you keep doing it let's see i like to i would like to talk to lisa but a normal haircut or place i don't like
00:19:45| to make conversation like if you know that's a stranger well that's you're talking about like usual exactly if you had a usual person you would be telling them you'd be chatting
00:19:55| it up talking about relationships sex stuff sports you know your briefs well think about it if you're some guys are like super partial
00:20:03| to their barber they won't go to another guy if sal is not ready i don't want no damn haircut i ain't getting no [ __ ] haircut if sal is not ready
00:20:12| okay you have a nice crisp ten dollar bills barber growing up for i had the same one for like 18 years i had one for like five years and another one for
00:20:23| like 10 years but i didn't love them but um i used to get buzz cuts whereas kind of just like one on the side and the old two on the top the z it was stupid looking yeah gotta make a
00:20:33| music clippers the actual scissors yeah scissors are the key the the buzz is like yeah do you cut hair no but it's weird she makes a lot of money doing it and
00:20:46| the way she talks about it like being able to talk to people and making them feel special about it even if it's not or spending extra time pretending the
00:20:54| haircut takes longer or giving them their own ideas back to them and making them feel good i'd be amazing at being here i would even do the whole gay thing up
00:21:03| oh my god cheryl you're in here again and i'd be like you know what i think you look great and they'd be like nick we love you and they'd oh my god they would
00:21:14| eat it up and tip me huge so i probably should have but i'm not feeling it no never done it never never cut another person's hair
00:21:21| not even your sons uh no because my girlfriend's a hairdresser so i ever do that she does that i'm actually i cut my son's hair buzzed did you buzz the sides
00:21:31| no no i use clippers so i i oh scissors yeah it turns out that it's not that hard if you have the right tools like there's two tools that i did not
00:21:44| have before there's like the buzz tool which is you know that's stupid though and scissors which are like every time you cut it makes it very
00:21:54| obvious where you cut so there's two tools that make it easy is there's a one that's like a razor inside of a comb and like you just like kind of like trim
00:22:02| it up with the like the comb razor thing and then there's also the one that's like a sawtooth so she uses uh yeah i think that that one makes it
00:22:12| [ __ ] easy you could [ __ ] up someone's hair completely which i have and i look at my son like oh [ __ ] this will never pan out and then start using the other tools and it just
00:22:20| kind of like works its way back to where it is well it's not an exact it's not an exact science either which is interesting no you make it unique enough and it's in
00:22:31| the realm of art done the realm of art yeah yeah exactly beautiful you look beautiful you're 40 you don't know any better oh my lord this is incredible
00:22:41| majestic blanche this is amazing asshole's gonna eat her [ __ ] heart out she's gonna get another heart attack
00:22:54| like can you imagine if i like ramped up the old women against the other old women oh my god i should have been a hairdresser uh yeah we've been so good at it
00:23:05| on your deathbed you'll be flashing through the memories that you didn't have of being a hairdresser wishing you were i can hold so many good secrets ah
00:23:14| dude cash tips oh geez all right whatever so head hair we just spent a long time on it yeah as it is i think we've even mentioned one time where
00:23:26| as a guy who grew my hair out down to like here ish maybe even a little further i don't know it was really long and it was greasy because if you didn't
00:23:32| shampoo it every day it got greasy and if you shampooed it and got it super wet do you know how long hair takes to dry guys i want to talk so long i didn't realize
00:23:42| that i started clothed i started blow drying my hair because i was like this takes too long and now i'm in the shower or in the
00:23:49| mirror just blow drying my long beautiful hair so i'll be like what are you doing just get a haircut and i'd be like nope i didn't i don't think ever maybe i once
00:24:00| blow dried it i don't really recall that's it it's beautiful so attractiveness is there there are people that are i guess
00:24:14| made and broken not yes by the hair like their hair is completely the entire like the entire look is their hair and they change completely with
00:24:25| their hair their color hair cut women with bangs oh my goodness i don't like bangs i hate bangs i think bangs like change it completely adorable now they
00:24:36| frame a face yeah i'm gonna say no on that hard pass no i don't i really don't the um so when i grew my hair out my nose gets bigger somehow
00:24:46| and my face gets rounder yeah i know it's incredible my face gets rounder and fatter and it's greasy and anytime i have pimples or blemishes they look extra shiny
00:24:56| so that's what i look like with long hair you're telling me you don't like jennifer garner listen you can tell me the most beautiful person in the world with bangs
00:25:04| and show her in her underwear and i'll say that is a gorgeous woman you can show me the ugliest person without banks and i will say wow dan you're absolutely right the bangs
00:25:13| are what she's fully clothed he'll be like oh yeah yeah yeah disgusting zoey though yeah sure she's fine you're not gonna sell me on bangs during our podcast about hair
00:25:26| right now i'm pretty sure i will zoe they should know i want to see what she looks like in her every day zoe deutsch no they should
00:25:35| know deutsche kiss i just spelled zoey wrong that's why yay listen it's good on certain people but kind of what you were touching on
00:25:45| certain people look better with certain looks like i loved having long hair i would have it all the time but it made me look like um
00:25:51| a [ __ ] or like uh that might be a on pc term but like what's the what's a person who makes meth in a bathtub and like lives in the midwest
00:26:04| and has a big note and has some big i feel like it's like a fred yeah i look like a fred so that's why i couldn't do it anymore i'm gonna do it again probably in like
00:26:14| five years when i have an identity crisis or something that'll be cool yeah but it's kind of thin by that time and then look why not my dad's my dad's still got like
00:26:24| how thick how thick is it oh you could probably run them fingers through that hair i'm telling you right now you want to try you're going to get
00:26:33| caught in there you want to get out you'll be cold go get your fingers caught in there so he focused on the face and head the heddle area what um
00:26:47| what other eyelashes oh yeah i didn't consider eyelashes i know we have anything about eyelashes in here i actually have really long beautiful eyelashes i love the
00:27:01| record but my eyes are all effed up can you see that folks okay wow it's almost like you wear mascara that's what some people say nope natural
00:27:13| good looks what can i say now if i did wear mascara i imagine i look incredible so again another lost opportunity but not going there
00:27:24| what about let's move down the body facial hair sure do you uh you've done goatee have you yeah but i don't wearing it for too long
00:27:35| it gets weird when it gets too long it captures scents and then like when i can smell my cheese pizza later no no it's gonna be a mustache or two i've seen you with
00:27:46| a mustache but was that just a one-off or was that a thing i don't think that was the thing i always thought mustaches were kind of a joke so you may have had it one day i swear
00:27:55| to god yeah probably anyway how about like a full beard i've seen you with a full beard in fact did you have one when we met up uh for the
00:28:04| uh the flyers thing the outdoor games yeah like that's me being lazy that's called not doing something which is my prerogative to not do anything
00:28:15| that's fair so you're usually kind of clean-shaven guy not i mean i shave once a week by the end of the week it gets pretty long this is how
00:28:24| we start getting this okay that makes sense by friday it starts to be kind of annoying extra extra five o'clock shadow like a little bit yeah it's when my kids start like
00:28:34| noticing and they're like this is different and they stick their hands all over and they're like kids kids yeah usually i have the uh
00:28:44| i always have this part of my chin covered i'm not sure why whether it's a full kind of this or a tea or whatever but anyway
00:28:51| no not for march when that kid came out didn't even no he was really bald for a while we were like up there's a picture of him when he's like six months old where he's
00:29:00| kind of doing this he looks like minnie me cuz he's like bald and like super pale and i'm cracking up no one of mine had hair and you could
00:29:07| see it on the um ultrasound yeah you can see hair if you can see the hair it was like an inch long they say like a lot of hair causes s
00:29:16| reflux yeah and that's i think that's a um wives tale but it also might not be it could go either way it seemed to be the case so i don't i
00:29:26| don't know that's interesting yeah here's an area you never had to delve into so i recently lost a lot of weight
00:29:35| gotten a lot of muscles i i go hair down here i have a neck beard it's kind of gross so i always trim here yeah well when i start going on the beach last year i would shave
00:29:45| here now because i wear my neck deeper and deeper well well as here now i'd have hair here and here it looked like a really weird thing going on like i
00:29:54| shaved this so i was like all right let me just get just start making my nips yeah and then and then i was like why do i have the shape of a circle here and a circle here
00:30:03| wax or do you shave did you shave no can you do that how long does that last i assume i kind of want to get waxed like full body wax just to
00:30:17| feel like how it feels to swim like a seal and uh i'm honestly like i'm i i assume it's very painful from what i've seen from uh 40 year old
00:30:31| virgin kelly clarkson um yeah that's our scientific model for yeah yeah for pain it might not hurt at all i don't know
00:30:39| but having it grow back i feel like that might be annoying because it could be all stubbly and like you might get ingrown hairs and it just doesn't feel like a good thing i
00:30:49| feel like i do get ingrown hairs all over the place yeah yeah yeah you like to add a nipple filter just to block that out i don't know if you can see it's like
00:31:00| stubbly a little bit yeah like five or seven days ago is it itchy that doesn't no not at all but once in a while i'll get like ingrown hair pimple thingies and i'm
00:31:09| like this is awful so then like two weeks go by and it's like a full on stubble and i'm like now i look like a stubble over my damn belly and and chest
00:31:19| so i have to do it again and then it takes a long time and i'm like i just spent like half an hour grooving myself like a cycle it is and if you start it's hard to stop because now like i'm
00:31:28| halfway hairy yeah it's one thing i was regular all the way harry but halfway harry who likes halfway harry yeah that just shows that you tried and
00:31:38| gave up and no one likes it no but i hate keep trying i'll tell you that so this hair we're talking about body hair or androgenic hair
00:31:52| it's terminal hair which is the craziest part in my brain it grows to a certain length and then stops so like if you cut it it will regrow to
00:32:03| that length and stop yeah how does it know i mean it might just be a signifier of weight or like length or amount of cells that it's feeding
00:32:12| like do you know what i mean as a unit it probably has some kind of terminal thing that tells it how long it's supposed to be because i mean this is like a huge structure on the cellular
00:32:20| level level so i imagine it can probably it's probably built to be a certain size like a building that's built to be a certain size if you cut it in half like
00:32:30| it's like hey we have enough supplies and durable structure and strength tensile strength to be out here let's just keep going to where we feel
00:32:38| comfortable so the craziest thing is that like your body knows all this stuff and i saw somebody that had a skin graft because they had been burnt in their
00:32:48| mouth they had a skin graft from like their leg put in their mouth and they had hair growing in their mouth no
00:32:57| for real yes isn't that the most disgusting like imagining that in your every bite you take oh goodness it was the i would raise it
00:33:06| was the roof raised and it was like an inch long i would razor that [ __ ] shag carpet yeah oh straight razor could you laser that i
00:33:17| guess you might be able to measure that off i don't know if you can get the laser in there do you know how lasering works no i actually don't
00:33:26| so your hair follicle is actually a little bit darker than the rest of your skin so when you hit a laser it heats up more so they're actually like baking that
00:33:34| hair follicle also the whole skin area too it's not focused on just the hair the hair just accepts it because it's a darker pigment yeah ah it's not even focused wow
00:33:45| so then what happens it just overheats and then dies yeah yeah have you ever um had your woman do that area with a laser hair removal
00:33:56| deal no i trim has your woman had it done though oh um i don't think so she waxes i think oh okay same thing why you laser hair um i've
00:34:12| never had it done to me but uh okay the counterpart has done it have you ever used an air uh no i kind of feel like it that would be like it's a gimmick or it's you know
00:34:28| something that will go horribly wrong and you're poisoning like the cell yeah i feel like it's poisoning you i think i've done it once on my like forearm
00:34:35| and it like does something weird where like when it bleeds a little bit and kind of like scabs over ah it's a little weird yeah it's like it's very normal like the
00:34:44| chemicals in there cannot be that goes back to like uh hair products and the chemicals inside of them like what makes your hair stiff when you use mousse
00:34:55| it's probably like animal bones or something like gelatin fat some kind of animal fat maybe it's weird because hold on if you use water it doesn't come off your hand so
00:35:06| it's hydrophobic if you use water sort of a [ __ ] so but if you use soap it does break it down so it's i i imagine it's fat based or something
00:35:21| moves to to make your hair hard hmm oh yeah i should say hair gel because that's better yeah hair gel i still think it's fat
00:35:38| [Music] a whole bunch of random crap i can't tell you all right fine so the hairs the androgenic hairs that grow in your body
00:35:51| um during and after puberty uh they're called velous hairs it's finer and lighter is that is that how it's pronounced pronounced
00:36:00| excuse me you pronounce it differently that's interesting the uh they're always lighter in color than the rest your hair which is interesting
00:36:11| they depend on the density of androgen and receptors in the dermal papillae so like it just depends how many of the little receptors that sounds like a little french boy
00:36:30| the um do you know where you can't grow hair and we mentioned this right before it began i think the lips the backs of your ears the palms of your hands the soles of
00:36:39| your feet and certain external genital areas also the navel and scar tissue hmm lion's mane right that was my college buddy's fear was that
00:36:52| it would grow up a shaft right to the tip and then just keep growing proliferate he'd grown um he'd always have a lot i think this is it looks like it's going too far
00:37:01| and it's like so like sir which buddy which buddy was this this is a i i'm part canadian so i'm canadan he was ameridan
00:37:14| uh do you think this is going on my shaft i'm worried i do yeah i would be yeah it's polo dots it's gonna be a problem that's that's a good way to get someone
00:37:24| who's like overly sherry with their genitals or something like that looks weird i would call a doctor are you serious i can't yeah i've never normally i can't that's that
00:37:33| looks like doctor material right try to get that fixed with surgery because what they want you to say is no no man it's cool it looks good oh it looks healthy
00:37:40| like they want that from you because they're you're the doctor so now if you say you need a doctor that's terrible they're gonna either stop asking you or go to a doctor and chances are they'll
00:37:48| just have some other friend and hope that they get a yes yeah it looks good all right cool cool we're good we're good dan down the way thinks it looks weird
00:37:57| ah man looks good to me looks real fine grade a so shout out to all the people that have to show it anagen phase is how long the hair will
00:38:13| last telogen phase is how long it will grow physically or do they do that backwards so like all the hairs on your body actually have a how
00:38:23| how long they will survive like i'll last just no it's hair they're all dead it's hair that's like been beaten
00:38:34| abused so bad that the casing has finally broken apart so that all the little stuff on the inside is kind of flopping around but check this your hair has a terminus
00:38:44| your body hair has a terminus and it also has a lifespan i think i was reading like 10 months is the average span of a hair on your body how can you
00:38:53| have really long hair then how can women have it down to their butt cheeks oh no i'm talking about the body here oh body for that i don't know
00:39:02| if the um head hair has a you know a cut off point i imagine it does because couldn't you be a hundred and just that kept growing but
00:39:10| it doesn't i think i saw this guy longest hair in the world sure check it out oh this is the guy with the beard yeah i've seen this guy
00:39:21| there's women that have it longer than their bodies yeah rapunzel common day rapunzel yeah let down your hair and cut that off because it's got to be
00:39:32| disgusting like you gotta drag it on the ground like imagine going to the bathroom in like a bar and like having to drag your hair on the
00:39:40| ground yeah that is pretty nasty in a wheelbarrow yeah that's totally what you would do you would carry around a wheelbarrow with my giant nuts in there too
00:39:52| that part disgusted you you kind of did pubic hair baby thighs and abdomen disputes theories that have developed a signal sexual maturity protects the skin from chafing
00:40:05| during copulation oh that's pretty awesome that's what the pubic hair is for that's it one thing yeah that's one theory
00:40:14| it's a velcro asian yeah right it hooks them together yeah yeah is that why the bottom of your palms are inherent so no it does say that also both sexes
00:40:24| having thick pubic hair acts as a partial cushion during intercourse oh it's a spring you're spring-loaded that's that's wild correct
00:40:36| shorter lighter villas hairs we all know that oh they get darker and thicker at puberty how wonderful pituitary grains through something full of love the average age
00:40:46| i don't need to know the average age armpits it's wild my armpit hair is fairly like tucked into itself like it's a nice little area well he looks like a bushy
00:40:57| area oh look at you he's got to break some rules doesn't it yo that one has two you have two armpit hairs two patches that is wild dude i just one patch no
00:41:08| you got one and then it breaks the way the coloration goes it's actually it's just the fold do you want me to flex i don't even know if i want to fly too i
00:41:26| give you credit for it yeah this is going to turn into the gay podcast any minute now man hair so some of this is based on your uh
00:41:45| your attorney land stuff like that it is um wow the thermodynamic properties of pair are based on the properties of keratin strands and amino acids oh
00:41:57| coiled structure somebody has way too much time yeah i i didn't think this much about that's crazy all right marcus j rantala the
00:42:16| department of biology and environmental science in finland said the existence of androgen independent hair on men could be explained by sexual
00:42:24| attraction whereby hair on the genitals would trap pheromones and hair on the chin would make the chin appear more massive on the chin yeah so that's why you grow
00:42:37| a beard it makes your chin look bigger and more manly it's like a trick it's an optical illusion check that out but that would be the opposite for pubic
00:42:46| hair so i don't understand well no on the pubic hair it a it traps pheromones oh scent so you can smell wait your own smell i guess it's it's
00:43:00| your smell or the other person i don't know i don't know that's kind of wild i don't believe in most of that pheromone stuff although that's something we didn't
00:43:11| touch on how about um a woman's hair smell um do you think they naturally have them or is it because we have five million products
00:43:19| i think it's products i think they have a natural smell that comes out of their hair though hmm you know what i mean like a natural no any woman that doesn't wash her hair
00:43:29| so i can't i can't you can't be like wait a second i'm not sure do you use product no kind can i smell you without products the dudes who are cutting off women's
00:43:47| hair or whatever or keep it in a jar and just washing it washing it washing it and eventually they're like let's see if it has a smell this is for science this is for science very nice who wrote
00:43:56| that paper you're reading earlier science the science this is the this story of a murderer this is perfume can i capture your scent oh yeah i can't oh well too bad too late
00:44:10| here's the other one what about babies they ha they have a smell whose head i know that's not hair but that's like baby sense that's a real thing yeah
00:44:18| i don't love a beet so we touched on that's a lot here but your nails are keratin too wait and do they grow at the same rate your toenails and your fingernails do
00:44:34| not grow at the same rate really your fingernails grow four times faster than your toenails four times yeah why because some [ __ ]
00:44:44| government program i feel like it must be the usage like you're telling me yeah that would be much wear and tear but your nails do yeah use your hands four times as much as your
00:44:55| feet well then your toes toes how often you use your toes really try to use my toes daily i can picture you
00:45:07| waving to a girl with your toes from across the room with your toes hey yep i could picture that too i don't know why
00:45:27| i know why but it's another weird evolution thing like how how do you have these things that like scratch and grab and like like cut open plastic
00:45:38| packages like how did how did the big guy know that you needed that to open the plastic package but not really well so it just takes forever i don't know that he helped design the
00:45:49| plastic package with the nails it's like the banana it's like the banana is the perfect fruit right because it comes in a package and when you open it you don't have any
00:45:58| issues you can just eat it and then you can throw the package away it was a godly banana it kind of is the perfect food for something with hands yeah people
00:46:10| professed that that was because god designed it that way interesting i believe yeah except it was evolved and man made it that way actually while
00:46:19| we're talking about while we're talking about man let's focus on men for a second like men we look good we do our hair up sometimes but women
00:46:32| women be shopping that's a section of the show you all know we do every week it's called women bee shopping you got dead follicles coming out your
00:46:40| hair you got dead skin cells turning into like whatever fingernails are right how much my girl gonna spend on dead hair and dead fingernails in one
00:46:50| weekend i don't know i made that up it's not even a segment we do but like it's funny when you think about it we do spend a lot of money on dead
00:47:05| crap right i don't understand how women have nails that are like an inch long like how does that not drive you nuts oh i wouldn't be able
00:47:15| to use things i'd be like this i'd be like scratching things i wouldn't know how to do text on my phone i'd it changes the whole game but it's their fake nail right yeah
00:47:28| like it's not a real nail it's something that presses on and glues to their fingernails right exactly so i don't know how many women would actually grow at their
00:47:35| fingernails that long so it's something called acrylic or something and then it gets painted a color after the fact or it's pressed on after it's colored
00:47:44| i i've never done that seen that process happen i just know it costs like we need to experience this ourselves so that we understand the process
00:47:50| so that we can redo this much not what i would be willing to do have you ever getting a manicure or a pedicure yeah both yeah damn it i've never had any of
00:48:01| them really i'm a philistine i kind of liked it because a little massage oh i imagine it's good i'm not against it i just never spent money on it you know there's like
00:48:09| someone's like you win it i'd be like cool they try to like paint my nails but i was like no just give me whatever like clear or whatever
00:48:16| clear wait they did clear on you i think they did clear what do you mean you think they either painted your nails or they didn't dude this was like
00:48:24| a couple of actually probably like five years ago i don't remember how do you not know if they painted your nails i mean that's just you just want me to say yes or no i want
00:48:34| you to say yes one of your fantasies and i'm asking because it's clear a thing like they just put whatever it's clear i think it's just like did it make me feel like stronger like like you
00:48:44| could scratch someone more powerful i don't actually like they did like weird things where they like clipped the sides like the okay so you have the best
00:48:52| memory in the world about your manicure about the part okay before you remember i mean i like that part so i don't really remember that well but um
00:49:04| anyway but they did like the pedicure yeah they were the emery board or whatever i don't like the edges of the nails especially my feet like my feet are how they are don't try
00:49:14| to change them and then they like try to like cut it i think it's a gimmick to get you to go back because they cut it in a way that makes it painful when it grows out
00:49:22| that makes sense i believe it i think of things so skeptically that i don't trust anybody [ __ ] do you bite your nails no how do you we use a little nail thing
00:49:33| yeah so i don't i have a nurse no i i'm one of them yeah i peel i pick them uh until like i get a jagged part and i just pull it off and i'm like that's
00:49:45| ugly that's never like cuts into the soft part under the nail one out of every like 12 times that's very often that's a lot of times it's every time you go
00:49:55| almost every time actually it's probably one in 20 because i have 10 fingernails and it's probably like a little bit like a little edge that's hold on so i
00:50:04| have a little edge of red that's red for like a day it's not like it digs underneath my nail and i rip it off like i've never almost never
00:50:13| the bamboo shoots and they rip the nail off yeah i know and they shoot bamboo shoots under your nails anyway i don't know why i do that but i do and the other one is do you know how
00:50:22| i do my toenails oh you're using my now with my fingernails oh you pick them all oh yeah wait weird are you lacking calcium
00:50:32| is that do you have little the dots like you have the white dots in your fingers um like no i don't see white that's that bad
00:50:40| yeah it means that you have a lack of calcium because your your nails can't don't have enough substance where it's like uh at the base i mean i have some white at
00:50:50| the cuticle it's part of the base base base and anyway no it takes a long time it does take a long time it's yeah people sometimes it looks like their
00:51:00| nails like chipped or something like almost like you drop something on it but it's just like that one period of time you didn't have enough calcium so they
00:51:09| oh weird yeah oh no no i know what you're talking about where people whose nails are like weird and brittle nah i have weird nails but they're not like they're never brittle like that
00:51:18| like i see people who oh that weirds me out where a nail isn't uniform across oh yes but it grew that way i'm like ooh i had this one um uh i think grade
00:51:29| school was one kid had like really long nails i think that's what freaked me out it's like they were like half an inch long and he would always have like uh that's
00:51:38| this father's name is like a coke nail like he had coke nails in grade school they just like oh you gotta be honest like don't do that in grade school
00:51:48| doyle's town man okay where are we going i forgot okay [Applause] we were talking about nails and hair and summing it up
00:51:58| hmm what we've got there's things that are on your body that are dead right what else did you get with teeth he didn't you for we got to mention
00:52:09| teeth teeth though teeth are actually dead your body grows these things they have roots right like what they have roots so you can feel but the
00:52:22| roots are a lot the dentin i think is is not all living material correct you're actually correct it's called dentin inside is a meaty layer of i don't
00:52:32| freaking remember hydroxide palatite wow that's a lot it's a lot of words but it's weird that your body knows to grow these things that it can use them
00:52:51| as dead pieces that are attached to you for years to eat to eat it's even weirder that it has them inside your body for like the first 10 years and then they come out
00:53:03| and it's like what this first scent doesn't matter yeah let's push out that first set of fake owes we put in there why did you make the fakeos we just did
00:53:14| yeah that's like if you compare yourself to other mammals it's like you take your nails and then like do like a shitty anamorph into a horse and like how does the horse have nails
00:53:25| and like you're kind of comparable to that thing it is weird like but it's a irony hardy hook yeah it could be it was made for the
00:53:40| same idea like yeah i just feel like we're all in mushrooms we would just be like we are the same as horses
00:53:49| don't you know he's just doing horse movements jim carrey popping out of that rhino's anus uh it's such a good scene classic so teeth
00:54:01| do have live roots though which always freaks me out yeah did you have dental work that required root canal or anything
00:54:12| yeah i've had like two or three root canals i have shitty teeth you haven't noticed yeah how many root canals two or three really is that did you
00:54:23| brush your teeth as a kid or just like happen yeah no you just if you have shitty teeth you can brush your teeth i mean everybody still
00:54:30| drinks alcohol and soda when they're like 19 18 on the front on the exterior but like all of that you got some marks back there yeah i
00:54:47| don't think like my teeth are actually shitty in the back for the big ones the molars they never like fused as what i'm told and like
00:54:54| not having your teeth fused causes cavities eventually like it just doesn't yeah so like i don't like i brush my teeth like i recall brushing my teeth when i
00:55:04| was little and i brushed my teeth ever since i was in like high school like twice a day i don't know why certain people have perfect teeth other people
00:55:12| and some people get cavities all the time some people like to pull them out root canal is a root canal painful they say it is because they what they do is they go in
00:55:20| and kill the nerve so you can't feel anything and then fill it and then captitude is the idea so anytime you cap you should have a root canal
00:55:30| so the nerve is dead they just pull your teeth um they wanted a root canal this one i think they did and you can't see it it's too far back and then this one they were
00:55:39| like you could rooting out this one and i was like can you just pull it and they did and now i have a metal stub here and they're like you can afford a tooth
00:55:47| that'll fit right into this metal stub i have here it'll like hook into it and look just like the rest i can't afford the tooth so i just have the metal hole here
00:55:56| or the metal stub that's the lucky that it wasn't like your front ones would you do it on a front one i chipped this one from brent i'll say his goddamn name brett connolly
00:56:06| kicked the beer bottle while we were in the hot tub and i was drinking a beer bottle and it hit me and chipped my tooth right here and if it knocked it all the way out i
00:56:14| guess i'd be like [ __ ] i gotta get a noob i checked my front one too i was uh trying to grab my dog who's running away and the collar slipped off and the collar hit me in the
00:56:24| mouth oh and the metal part yeah the middle part and it chipped it and it's funny when these things happen because first time it happens to you
00:56:32| you're just like what the hell is this like this doesn't yeah this is not normal like i don't and then you like realize that you like you chipped a tooth on
00:56:39| something that's stupid and then you realize that like you have to protect yourself you can't protect yourself at all times it's going to happen can't occasionally
00:56:48| yes i can keep it up is there another like part of your body that does this i didn't know that i mean i know we talked about nails
00:56:58| hair teeth so i was getting like vestigial stuff like your tail when you have you do have a tailbone elbow which is painful if you fall on it
00:57:11| and you have no unicorns coccyx you also have um gallbladder appendix those things really don't have a use they're just there i'm sure they had to use your wisdom teeth
00:57:24| i had my wisdom teeth removed they got where they were impacted yeah mine and i've never heard from them i don't think they grew in i don't think i've nothing
00:57:36| strange does that mean they eventually will i don't know i feel like if the aliens ever come and like try to take you and do their thing
00:57:47| on you like they better give me like a replacements like change my teeth give me a steal like yo why you guys are doing the probe back here can i get a manicure i need a
00:57:57| manicure anybody baby i'm ready ready for you just benny betty me oh whoa whoa i want some earth finger nail polish colors come on here
00:58:09| what are there i don't know if there's any other vestigial parts that are unless you can think of any i think i don't know that's what you use you're on my body is it your ears
00:58:18| keep growing your whole life your ears yeah i heard this you can look it up and see if it's true your ears keep growing
00:58:27| can you tie them in a bow they keep growing and growing and growing and that's why all people are bigger than will smith is this
00:58:39| that doesn't sound like a thing and maybe i was incorrect cartilage [Applause] cartilage continues to grow uh but the
00:58:50| eager lobes elongate oh do they is that why old people level flat longer ropes to elastin fail so they get kind of flabby
00:58:59| i mean that's everywhere on their body i mean do we really care about the ears am i like look at that old person they have long ears mom nick jr you're 34. stop it smacks me
00:59:12| i had a teacher who was getting a little old and her cheeks started to sag and we called her bulldog and when she yelled at yes her cheeks was like
00:59:21| in high school no this is a great school okay cool because i had a high school math teacher who did something similar who by the way she said the funniest thing in the world and i said the
00:59:32| funniest thing back one time she was like a whippersnapper math teacher and i was in the back of the room and i was literally yawning falling asleep in class
00:59:40| and she went oh mr nick and i she caught me i was totally on and she was like oh i'm sorry we keeping you awake back there and i literally without
00:59:49| missing a beat i said in front of the whole class like um this is i'm real i'm sorry mrs blah blah blah it's just that's what happens when i'm
00:59:56| real interested in a subject it's an allergic reaction i yawn and she was like and she laughed i went thank you i'm glad you're interested
01:00:07| and then she just went back to class and i was like [Music] such a good comeback i don't know what another i'm looking at my own body like
01:00:17| what's useless what's the most useless part pinkies are okay like balls are kind of the worst when you think about it what are balls good
01:00:27| for yeah i know producing offspring but how many offspring have you produced two i got one yeah how many years has this thing been dangling
01:00:37| yeah it's kind of not worth it like there's not a more effective i think calluses fit into this category well what is a cows by the way i take mine off all the time i get them now
01:00:50| that i lift weights and stuff like that yeah like that part of your hand yeah hands yeah and balls of your feet oh balls uh i have baby feet
01:01:01| what did you ever try this is weird like the there's this like uh dead skin peeling thing that you can like wrap around your feet oh you put in this like acid and it like
01:01:14| breaks it apart so then you can like peel it off i did it once and i don't know that it did anything really at all there's a pedicure this is not part of
01:01:24| the pedicure this is the the personal at home where no one sees you but you talk about it on a podcast kind of deal good on you
01:01:34| yeah keep it a secret but i won't tell anyone yeah the calluses i don't know i think they're useful like eventually like you wait your baby feet if you walk
01:01:45| around and you step on a children's toy like a lego does it probably hurts you more is that your weakness last your callus has saved you from
01:01:54| an increment of pain yeah i think it well it it stops you from whatever you're repeatedly doing like i'm lifting weights right now so it it stops the
01:02:04| pain in this area from getting torn up i don't know maybe that's because you don't have callus anywhere if you were working that part of your body i think you probably i imagine
01:02:13| right yeah could you get when you're picking [ __ ] up with your elbows all the time yeah here's the sciencey um astronaut fact of the day
01:02:30| like when the astronauts go to the iss and they have calluses from being a normal human being when they go up there they don't need it because there's no friction there's no
01:02:39| pressure so it just peels and then like they have videos of them like taking off their socks and zero g and all the skin just goes everywhere it's like a
01:02:48| plume of dead skin how so like they come back it's like baby feet thank you i was just gonna say super smooth yeah
01:02:59| fascination with being a seal [Music] the closest i'll be makes you think yeah makes you think it's just weird that hair which is kind
01:03:17| of like dead doesn't matter is a nuisance it's also our style who we are like what we do every morning how do you go to work they change their hair you're
01:03:29| like wow you look good yeah yeah that that's a big point i mean changing your hair is a big is a big deal changing hair stylist
01:03:38| is a big deal who does your hair who touches your hair who works on your teeth yeah who it's all this weird [ __ ] kind of like tattoos and piercings too
01:03:52| they're not vestigial because they're alive my tattoo is alive and well hmm you ever get any piercings nah i mean lately i've been thinking there's this girl who i'm friends with
01:04:07| who has like one of the yeah the nose one and it's for some reason it's fascinating to me like it's attractive in a weird way and then it's weird
01:04:16| like it's a bull i keep thinking about it i'm like maybe it's signaling something what she wants to stomp the floor and i'm gonna wear red
01:04:27| and i have to like move a cape you know what i mean that sounds pretty hot it kind of is a little bit hot i will give you that i will give you that
01:04:38| i don't know i think we can wrap it up yeah i think we're going to wrap it up our hair most dead part of us is the most living part of our artistic
01:04:49| expression oh yes and i think you need to just come down here let me put my hands on your shoulders let's breathe the fresh air and chop this off
01:05:00| ethel it's dead it's over remember your fifth husband it's gone we're moving on we're gonna do a fresh updo we're going to do this here your eyes
01:05:10| are going to just pop and then meredith down the way she's going to wish her husband was dead like that's my imaginary conversation with the old lady in my chair
01:05:21| and she's gonna just die laughing and give me like a 70 tip i'm talking her haircut's like 60 bucks and i'm getting like 50 for just being funny
01:05:32| what i'm saying folks is that hair is important our dead skin cells are important our fingernails important that's why sometimes i follow a girl
01:05:41| i work around i clip off her fingernails when she's not looking i put them in a jar i keep them i keep all this stuff okay sometimes i cut a little bit of her
01:05:50| hair off sniff it i was i was able to take the little pieces of you and make them into a full you oh jesus
01:06:03| that's christ we should end it we should just make the cut off here wow so it's crazy that we like literally these dying pieces of skin these dying pieces of hair those dying
01:06:14| pieces of us have way more importance than we think they do yeah if you're a cancer patient and you lose all your hair all that good stuff
01:06:24| not having it makes you look like you're about to die that's weird it's messed up isn't it kind of hope you don't so we hope you keep for her because we hope you style we hope you do all
01:06:34| your super fun [ __ ] because you know what we like you we like you a lot thanks folks good night
00:00:17| sometimes you have none at all sometimes you want none and have some sometimes you have some and you want none we touch it all the time we love it when others touch it
00:00:28| and it's all over the place as an expression of ourselves that isn't even alive let's talk about it let's talk about hair
00:00:44| so i'm dan and i'm nick folks we're old friends dissecting one topic at a time people technology media we've got it all covered each discussion here is a deep dive into
00:00:56| our unique perspective taboo for busy subjects they're all on the chopping block baby we don't pander to popular opinion we might even get a little bit
00:01:06| dirty warning this podcast may contain mature language and sexual content and is for infotainment purposes only so join us have a good time open up your ear holes
00:01:18| because we're going to fondle your [Music] follicles [Music] harmonized all righty hey folks
00:01:39| another instagram dan and i'm nick yeah we're the unpanderers and he's got a stash as a homage to this oh this episode march mustache ah march
00:01:57| mustache madness yeah we're doing it to promote awareness of men mustaches okay no just mustaches okay me and a couple of the guys from work so ah oh you got a crew now
00:02:13| i got a crew i know some guys yeah we do stuff at work we're creepy so so hair brings us to hair you get it done if you're a girl you get
00:02:27| it did episode over we just did it we done did hair it's over how does a lizard song go take your hair no i do my hair up check my nose do my toes
00:02:45| check my neck i love that song by the way i do all right check one i do my hair yeah so doing your hair is pretty important
00:02:58| as you can see i'm kind of i'm strickler about my hair i throw it up and stays up whatever it be it'd be yeah like you could say that about my
00:03:08| hair i don't know when the last time i watched it is i don't know if i use product or not that you're actually not supposed to wash every day
00:03:17| really then my hair is going to be awesome actually i've heard that you're not supposed to overdo it because you strip it over its oils
00:03:23| yeah natural environment why is that why do we frown upon people that have oily hair i don't know as someone who had oily hair when i grew my hair out i demand
00:03:36| answers i demand trend and you realize everyone was looking down upon you because of your oily hair well not because i would crouch really low
00:03:52| that's why they were looking down on me but yeah but what is um what is hair uh is it keratin uh it's a follicle but i don't know what it like
00:04:05| is i think it's made of keratin what's keratin isn't that a plant thing no that's something else oh a protein filament that grows from follicles found in the dermis
00:04:17| duh what is it here's the one defining characteristic of mammals the human body apart from the areas of glabrous skin is covered in follicles which produce thick terminal and fine villus hair
00:04:30| most conventious hairs focus on growth hair types and hair care also is important bio material primarily because protein notably alpha keratin boom
00:04:41| got it knowledge oh here it's like i don't know it's dead right yeah sort of part of your body that is excreted out yeah exactly like creepy it's weird
00:04:55| green that stays with you yeah it just hangs around to keep you warm um i don't know i've heard differing opinions on
00:05:05| whether it actually keeps you warm like the vikings had the thick furry arm hair to like seal in the warmth but it doesn't i don't think it really does that
00:05:13| yeah yeah baby you see that nice i know it is pretty wild especially because it stops from like my elbow to my forearm it has a name um it always grows in a certain way body
00:05:25| hair what was it called but yeah your hair hair like the one on your head is also different than your your body hair like your different kinds
00:05:33| of hair yeah yeah i like touching hair i like when other people touch my hair what's the longest you ever had hair uh probably to my shoulders okay was it longer than mine about as long as
00:05:44| mine i never compared length to you i was afraid i might be larger i mean longer we could have done an episode together yeah live could have now we should have
00:05:57| sadly we're aging and our hair is starting to fade our glory days have surrendered your hair ears moving backwards a little bit i've
00:06:06| always had this like v yeah i mean has it changed i have no idea um maybe slightly but i think that's in my head okay i don't know that it's so my
00:06:16| hairdresser friend she says that the hair like physically changes like when you start to lose your hair like it feels different i don't i don't think i'm there yeah i
00:06:26| don't think it feels different that's pretty good looks pretty manageable fluffy light airy yeah playful yeah it's still past my 20s
00:06:35| mm-hmm you can see it i could see it the uh did you have different hair styles just out of curiosity did you have a straight up bowl cut were you a bowl cut
00:06:44| i had bowl cut for a while when i was real little i had uh i thought you you looked bowl cutting the spiky one i didn't have the frosted no frosting oh you missed that yeah i
00:06:55| didn't want that uh a serious part and then i had like this like part like this a half part part whoa whoa language i think
00:07:07| how do you do you have a way you do your hair with like the gels or anything you just kind of oil it wait till it's mostly dry no i do have a little bit of
00:07:16| paste very little you keep your own oil and a jar and then i just do this i point it together ah i go like this and then i find any loose ones i move them around for a
00:07:25| couple seconds and i'm usually good and i say let like god take take over the rest because it's gonna not look perfect of course not not supposed to yeah
00:07:34| just let it do its thing in high school had moose and like it would like stiffen and then it would like break apart and then my hair would be like just everywhere
00:07:43| now i actually take mousse and then hairspray rub that again boom throw it back don't have to worry about it well because otherwise it would come
00:07:51| into your face yeah like go down here getting in your eyes which brings us to the purpose of hair one of them for your eyebrows getting the sweat out
00:07:59| of your eyes oh is that what that's for it doesn't seem to work all the time but i guess it more often than not i guess sweat drips down that way if you were hunting boars you'd probably notice it
00:08:08| much more often yeah i can see that especially if you're rather it's makes you sweat those spears especially a two-hand because then you don't got
00:08:17| um if you're doing a two-hander you know what i'm saying we need a third person that just makes animal noises yeah the whole time the uh
00:08:29| so do you think hairdresser was like an ancient job how do you think they cut hair do you think they just let it go cavemen knives i don't know i think they
00:08:39| were knives they invented knives together shaving i don't know that one's a little scarier but like the hair cutting because it's away from your body
00:08:46| yeah i could see some cottage going on even back way back in the day you know what i mean do you think that's like samson like his hair i mean back in the
00:08:56| biblical times they sheared his hair off and they lost his strength so they knew how to cut hair back then yeah on them big strong [ __ ]
00:09:04| samson rip he was a true the true like uh do you think he was the original what's his name fabio fabio he was beautiful and like have long hit him in the face
00:09:18| what are the chances you're gonna get hit by a bird on a roller coaster you wonder if he has his face insured and then he gets paid out what if they set up that bird to fly and
00:09:29| hit his face it was a train a bird homing that's a that's probably a business you can get into if you could prove a 100 that it would
00:09:40| work yeah you can get paid out because your face is beautiful and you have an insurance policy on it yeah not bad yeah
00:09:48| training it's got to be a [ __ ] though yeah that's a good point trial and error just the same ugly person over and over teaches how to identify new people i
00:09:58| guess birds can't identify people i'm pretty sure by their hair maybe not i don't know so hair on top of your head their function yeah that's what we're kind of
00:10:11| talking about i actually don't know um hair on top of your head it's awesome it's weird that it's all hereditary too like redheads be get redheads and like
00:10:21| and it's weird that i feel like uh two generations before us that was their their porn like they were like yeah really love me some brunette on brunette or something we're like yeah get me a
00:10:32| blonde giving it to a blonde and it's like that was how you described porn i feel like way back in the day by their hairstyle oh redheads going wild yes
00:10:43| like do what i mean do you agree what is this um so the color of the hair is determined by the melanin which i knew um
00:10:53| you see your low male and close feel melanin apparently different types of color and lightness and brightness leads to the different types of hair
00:11:04| color what's great here then i wonder for the record but what is it is the pigment stops yeah actually it's probably white right
00:11:17| yeah it's probably white i think you're bleeding in that one spot no because it's just white it's been there forever i don't think i'm gonna go bald for a
00:11:27| long time so i'm i'm not gonna wood on that the craziest part is like how do you evolve to have hair where you do like if you took an a very hairless
00:11:38| version of yourself generations ago how did yeah where does the i guess it's for attraction of a mate well well think of it
00:11:50| if we descended from girls and monkeys and stuff like that like there was a need for hair over the whole body so it's not that hair developed here
00:11:59| it's just hair stopped developing in other places right this is my take on it like if you're if we really did descend from monkeys then they needed warmth up until
00:12:10| they figured out how to use tools and clothes themselves and then you no longer need hair like where your clothes are and then on your face your eyebrows are
00:12:20| first wet i think the hair that's in your nose and your ears is to prevent microbes getting in there yeah like the dust breathing in allergens and
00:12:28| maybe influenza a corona virus or two um beard i mean the the beard is probably like sweat like when you're hunting vital women no because women weren't hunters
00:12:39| is that what you're saying why why do women not yeah that makes sense i mean that would make sense i'm not arguing with it boom science right here
00:12:48| doing that show you were talking about and then hair on the top of your head is probably preventing cancer because if you constantly had sun
00:12:56| beating on top of your head sure yeah that makes sense also like i wonder if some of it is like because of the sun hitting your head that there's like
00:13:05| radiation and your genes are changing and then like boom it's like that already changed and that's where mutation already happened it wouldn't make sense i wouldn't be
00:13:14| against that the uh the other question is i guess then then it does play into sexual attraction and like peacocking and getting a mate and all that right
00:13:22| after the fact because the amount of hair you have should be equivalent to your testosterone the speed of your health your health yeah overall if you want to say it
00:13:30| vitality or your uniqueness or rareness oh a rare bird in these pots my my child that's my 12 year old daughter ah yes indeed yeah back in the day that's how
00:13:42| childhood back in the day that's how you unite kings yes they still i guess game thrones yeah game drones are you game thrones baby uh
00:13:57| that's wild and it's weird that um so my girlfriend does hair for a living that's what she does she does it at work she does it at home she does it on the side it's her hustle
00:14:11| she this is what they do if they do it for a living they start branching out oh i'll start doing your mom's hair i'll start doing your sister's hair so during
00:14:18| your aunt's hair oh your cousin yeah she comes in once every three months and it's crazy because with women it's not as it's probably with men too
00:14:26| you get so comfortable with the person who does your hair that you go back to them again and again that's a weird phenomenon isn't it yeah um
00:14:34| yeah for about three years i've had the same person up until recently and then i was like oh you made a big change yeah wow you sports clips it i just don't care anymore and now you're
00:14:45| getting a steam cloth massage tool whatever the hell that is it's so weird because it's like i'm not allowed to touch you but i'm
00:14:54| going to massage you with this weird looking vibrator it's weird too because they do touch you like a hairdresser usually kind of is fairly close to you all the time
00:15:03| so why do they have that stupid tool to be like remember i'm keeping my hands off you know i think that's just that's that's a gimmick but
00:15:10| but in general your hairdresser touches you like a lot they they physically touch you in spots maybe she doesn't know well do you see how often i have a haircut
00:15:22| like this is like the old joke with like the roofer has the leaky roof at home or like the the plumber never fixes his pipes at home and it's like i i always look at her and
00:15:31| i'm like do for a haircut and she's like i just did hair for four hours and then three more hours after lunch i'm not doing hair again and i'm like
00:15:39| okay back off back off that's fine the next day you ask it again she's like i did eight hours straight of hair i'm not doing no goddamn hair and i'm like okay that's fine that's fine
00:15:47| and then like a week goes by and i'm like do you want me to just go to like hair cuttery and she's like you can't go to hair cuttery i do hair for a living
00:15:55| and it's like so do you want to do hair and she's like no i just did hair all day and i'm like it's a weird where am i strange this is twilight it's not gonna have balance right there like
00:16:04| i'm gonna ask for a haircut in fact that's when i grew my hair out i went a whole year without a haircut from her wow even though that was her profession i was just like defiance right there
00:16:13| it's a little bit of defiance plus plus it's kind of cool for your hair yeah did she cut here in the house yeah she just did today does that get hair everywhere
00:16:25| um we have wood floors usually kind of just sweep it up yeah my uh my previous hairdresser she would always make us take your shoes
00:16:34| off and then like the hair would get everywhere anyway and like she had tile and wood floors and stuff but still like she was grossed out
00:16:44| because she would find it everywhere in her house is that the case with your house to a degree you can find hair at random spots all over the place
00:16:53| it doesn't bother me because i'm a gross individual and i have a really low threshold for what's hygienic and what's not to me like i would brush hair off food and just keep eating it
00:17:01| and probably cover up for murders too and they'd be like we found 37 people's dna in your kitchen luckily we can't figure out how they're all connected
00:17:14| we can't figure it out but they have beautiful haircuts the uh the other cool the other cool thing is that no one thinks of this like hair is like
00:17:23| weirdly dangerous i feel like because she had eczema of her hands my girlfriend and like the hair oh dude the hair would like puncture your skin and like just go at
00:17:34| you it's like getting a splinter that's doggy no it's people hair no but like it should cut it have you had dog hair in your shoe oh and then like have it like go
00:17:43| through your heel like he gets like stuck in your body is human hair can do the same thing absolutely it depends on the angle it's cut at
00:17:50| the person's hair the sharpness like a smaller one is actually stronger you know what i mean because it's longer and whatever so yeah dude you start realizing hair is dangerous it can be
00:18:00| everywhere you can't get away from it it ruins your clothes and stuff like it gets it under your fingernails other people's hair that's weird because if you have like a wool sweater or
00:18:08| something like you can't get that hair out even that's made of hair and check this one it's not like because i said that you're physically touching
00:18:16| your client whatever they call them you're also like the biggest secret holder like um there's a joke in what's called mean girls that
00:18:24| her hair's so big because it's full of secrets and like the the truth of the matter is i think my girlfriend knows more about everyone she cuts their hair
00:18:33| than anyone else because it's always like oh how's it going my husband's an alcoholic and it's like oh that's nice what were you guys doing
00:18:41| he killed someone and it's like you're constantly kind of burdened down by people's like entire lives and then if you see them in six weeks
00:18:51| you better remember most of that so it's probably it's probably not the most fun like you you have to keep being the emotional sponge kind of this
00:19:00| is exactly how i'll call it lisa that's her name my previously so you have people come over shoot cut their hair and they would linger
00:19:10| like they'd be in her house just like sitting on the couch chatting with people and she's just like get the [ __ ] out like i don't want you to tell your story
00:19:19| and i don't want to listen to it for the tenth time a hairdresser is very like a bartender i feel like bartender and hairdresser are the two people who get told the most
00:19:28| tales of woes and everything it's like that yeoman's job where we feel comfortable for whatever reason telling them all this stuff
00:19:36| and you get into a habit if you keep doing it let's see i like to i would like to talk to lisa but a normal haircut or place i don't like
00:19:45| to make conversation like if you know that's a stranger well that's you're talking about like usual exactly if you had a usual person you would be telling them you'd be chatting
00:19:55| it up talking about relationships sex stuff sports you know your briefs well think about it if you're some guys are like super partial
00:20:03| to their barber they won't go to another guy if sal is not ready i don't want no damn haircut i ain't getting no [ __ ] haircut if sal is not ready
00:20:12| okay you have a nice crisp ten dollar bills barber growing up for i had the same one for like 18 years i had one for like five years and another one for
00:20:23| like 10 years but i didn't love them but um i used to get buzz cuts whereas kind of just like one on the side and the old two on the top the z it was stupid looking yeah gotta make a
00:20:33| music clippers the actual scissors yeah scissors are the key the the buzz is like yeah do you cut hair no but it's weird she makes a lot of money doing it and
00:20:46| the way she talks about it like being able to talk to people and making them feel special about it even if it's not or spending extra time pretending the
00:20:54| haircut takes longer or giving them their own ideas back to them and making them feel good i'd be amazing at being here i would even do the whole gay thing up
00:21:03| oh my god cheryl you're in here again and i'd be like you know what i think you look great and they'd be like nick we love you and they'd oh my god they would
00:21:14| eat it up and tip me huge so i probably should have but i'm not feeling it no never done it never never cut another person's hair
00:21:21| not even your sons uh no because my girlfriend's a hairdresser so i ever do that she does that i'm actually i cut my son's hair buzzed did you buzz the sides
00:21:31| no no i use clippers so i i oh scissors yeah it turns out that it's not that hard if you have the right tools like there's two tools that i did not
00:21:44| have before there's like the buzz tool which is you know that's stupid though and scissors which are like every time you cut it makes it very
00:21:54| obvious where you cut so there's two tools that make it easy is there's a one that's like a razor inside of a comb and like you just like kind of like trim
00:22:02| it up with the like the comb razor thing and then there's also the one that's like a sawtooth so she uses uh yeah i think that that one makes it
00:22:12| [ __ ] easy you could [ __ ] up someone's hair completely which i have and i look at my son like oh [ __ ] this will never pan out and then start using the other tools and it just
00:22:20| kind of like works its way back to where it is well it's not an exact it's not an exact science either which is interesting no you make it unique enough and it's in
00:22:31| the realm of art done the realm of art yeah yeah exactly beautiful you look beautiful you're 40 you don't know any better oh my lord this is incredible
00:22:41| majestic blanche this is amazing asshole's gonna eat her [ __ ] heart out she's gonna get another heart attack
00:22:54| like can you imagine if i like ramped up the old women against the other old women oh my god i should have been a hairdresser uh yeah we've been so good at it
00:23:05| on your deathbed you'll be flashing through the memories that you didn't have of being a hairdresser wishing you were i can hold so many good secrets ah
00:23:14| dude cash tips oh geez all right whatever so head hair we just spent a long time on it yeah as it is i think we've even mentioned one time where
00:23:26| as a guy who grew my hair out down to like here ish maybe even a little further i don't know it was really long and it was greasy because if you didn't
00:23:32| shampoo it every day it got greasy and if you shampooed it and got it super wet do you know how long hair takes to dry guys i want to talk so long i didn't realize
00:23:42| that i started clothed i started blow drying my hair because i was like this takes too long and now i'm in the shower or in the
00:23:49| mirror just blow drying my long beautiful hair so i'll be like what are you doing just get a haircut and i'd be like nope i didn't i don't think ever maybe i once
00:24:00| blow dried it i don't really recall that's it it's beautiful so attractiveness is there there are people that are i guess
00:24:14| made and broken not yes by the hair like their hair is completely the entire like the entire look is their hair and they change completely with
00:24:25| their hair their color hair cut women with bangs oh my goodness i don't like bangs i hate bangs i think bangs like change it completely adorable now they
00:24:36| frame a face yeah i'm gonna say no on that hard pass no i don't i really don't the um so when i grew my hair out my nose gets bigger somehow
00:24:46| and my face gets rounder yeah i know it's incredible my face gets rounder and fatter and it's greasy and anytime i have pimples or blemishes they look extra shiny
00:24:56| so that's what i look like with long hair you're telling me you don't like jennifer garner listen you can tell me the most beautiful person in the world with bangs
00:25:04| and show her in her underwear and i'll say that is a gorgeous woman you can show me the ugliest person without banks and i will say wow dan you're absolutely right the bangs
00:25:13| are what she's fully clothed he'll be like oh yeah yeah yeah disgusting zoey though yeah sure she's fine you're not gonna sell me on bangs during our podcast about hair
00:25:26| right now i'm pretty sure i will zoe they should know i want to see what she looks like in her every day zoe deutsch no they should
00:25:35| know deutsche kiss i just spelled zoey wrong that's why yay listen it's good on certain people but kind of what you were touching on
00:25:45| certain people look better with certain looks like i loved having long hair i would have it all the time but it made me look like um
00:25:51| a [ __ ] or like uh that might be a on pc term but like what's the what's a person who makes meth in a bathtub and like lives in the midwest
00:26:04| and has a big note and has some big i feel like it's like a fred yeah i look like a fred so that's why i couldn't do it anymore i'm gonna do it again probably in like
00:26:14| five years when i have an identity crisis or something that'll be cool yeah but it's kind of thin by that time and then look why not my dad's my dad's still got like
00:26:24| how thick how thick is it oh you could probably run them fingers through that hair i'm telling you right now you want to try you're going to get
00:26:33| caught in there you want to get out you'll be cold go get your fingers caught in there so he focused on the face and head the heddle area what um
00:26:47| what other eyelashes oh yeah i didn't consider eyelashes i know we have anything about eyelashes in here i actually have really long beautiful eyelashes i love the
00:27:01| record but my eyes are all effed up can you see that folks okay wow it's almost like you wear mascara that's what some people say nope natural
00:27:13| good looks what can i say now if i did wear mascara i imagine i look incredible so again another lost opportunity but not going there
00:27:24| what about let's move down the body facial hair sure do you uh you've done goatee have you yeah but i don't wearing it for too long
00:27:35| it gets weird when it gets too long it captures scents and then like when i can smell my cheese pizza later no no it's gonna be a mustache or two i've seen you with
00:27:46| a mustache but was that just a one-off or was that a thing i don't think that was the thing i always thought mustaches were kind of a joke so you may have had it one day i swear
00:27:55| to god yeah probably anyway how about like a full beard i've seen you with a full beard in fact did you have one when we met up uh for the
00:28:04| uh the flyers thing the outdoor games yeah like that's me being lazy that's called not doing something which is my prerogative to not do anything
00:28:15| that's fair so you're usually kind of clean-shaven guy not i mean i shave once a week by the end of the week it gets pretty long this is how
00:28:24| we start getting this okay that makes sense by friday it starts to be kind of annoying extra extra five o'clock shadow like a little bit yeah it's when my kids start like
00:28:34| noticing and they're like this is different and they stick their hands all over and they're like kids kids yeah usually i have the uh
00:28:44| i always have this part of my chin covered i'm not sure why whether it's a full kind of this or a tea or whatever but anyway
00:28:51| no not for march when that kid came out didn't even no he was really bald for a while we were like up there's a picture of him when he's like six months old where he's
00:29:00| kind of doing this he looks like minnie me cuz he's like bald and like super pale and i'm cracking up no one of mine had hair and you could
00:29:07| see it on the um ultrasound yeah you can see hair if you can see the hair it was like an inch long they say like a lot of hair causes s
00:29:16| reflux yeah and that's i think that's a um wives tale but it also might not be it could go either way it seemed to be the case so i don't i
00:29:26| don't know that's interesting yeah here's an area you never had to delve into so i recently lost a lot of weight
00:29:35| gotten a lot of muscles i i go hair down here i have a neck beard it's kind of gross so i always trim here yeah well when i start going on the beach last year i would shave
00:29:45| here now because i wear my neck deeper and deeper well well as here now i'd have hair here and here it looked like a really weird thing going on like i
00:29:54| shaved this so i was like all right let me just get just start making my nips yeah and then and then i was like why do i have the shape of a circle here and a circle here
00:30:03| wax or do you shave did you shave no can you do that how long does that last i assume i kind of want to get waxed like full body wax just to
00:30:17| feel like how it feels to swim like a seal and uh i'm honestly like i'm i i assume it's very painful from what i've seen from uh 40 year old
00:30:31| virgin kelly clarkson um yeah that's our scientific model for yeah yeah for pain it might not hurt at all i don't know
00:30:39| but having it grow back i feel like that might be annoying because it could be all stubbly and like you might get ingrown hairs and it just doesn't feel like a good thing i
00:30:49| feel like i do get ingrown hairs all over the place yeah yeah yeah you like to add a nipple filter just to block that out i don't know if you can see it's like
00:31:00| stubbly a little bit yeah like five or seven days ago is it itchy that doesn't no not at all but once in a while i'll get like ingrown hair pimple thingies and i'm
00:31:09| like this is awful so then like two weeks go by and it's like a full on stubble and i'm like now i look like a stubble over my damn belly and and chest
00:31:19| so i have to do it again and then it takes a long time and i'm like i just spent like half an hour grooving myself like a cycle it is and if you start it's hard to stop because now like i'm
00:31:28| halfway hairy yeah it's one thing i was regular all the way harry but halfway harry who likes halfway harry yeah that just shows that you tried and
00:31:38| gave up and no one likes it no but i hate keep trying i'll tell you that so this hair we're talking about body hair or androgenic hair
00:31:52| it's terminal hair which is the craziest part in my brain it grows to a certain length and then stops so like if you cut it it will regrow to
00:32:03| that length and stop yeah how does it know i mean it might just be a signifier of weight or like length or amount of cells that it's feeding
00:32:12| like do you know what i mean as a unit it probably has some kind of terminal thing that tells it how long it's supposed to be because i mean this is like a huge structure on the cellular
00:32:20| level level so i imagine it can probably it's probably built to be a certain size like a building that's built to be a certain size if you cut it in half like
00:32:30| it's like hey we have enough supplies and durable structure and strength tensile strength to be out here let's just keep going to where we feel
00:32:38| comfortable so the craziest thing is that like your body knows all this stuff and i saw somebody that had a skin graft because they had been burnt in their
00:32:48| mouth they had a skin graft from like their leg put in their mouth and they had hair growing in their mouth no
00:32:57| for real yes isn't that the most disgusting like imagining that in your every bite you take oh goodness it was the i would raise it
00:33:06| was the roof raised and it was like an inch long i would razor that [ __ ] shag carpet yeah oh straight razor could you laser that i
00:33:17| guess you might be able to measure that off i don't know if you can get the laser in there do you know how lasering works no i actually don't
00:33:26| so your hair follicle is actually a little bit darker than the rest of your skin so when you hit a laser it heats up more so they're actually like baking that
00:33:34| hair follicle also the whole skin area too it's not focused on just the hair the hair just accepts it because it's a darker pigment yeah ah it's not even focused wow
00:33:45| so then what happens it just overheats and then dies yeah yeah have you ever um had your woman do that area with a laser hair removal
00:33:56| deal no i trim has your woman had it done though oh um i don't think so she waxes i think oh okay same thing why you laser hair um i've
00:34:12| never had it done to me but uh okay the counterpart has done it have you ever used an air uh no i kind of feel like it that would be like it's a gimmick or it's you know
00:34:28| something that will go horribly wrong and you're poisoning like the cell yeah i feel like it's poisoning you i think i've done it once on my like forearm
00:34:35| and it like does something weird where like when it bleeds a little bit and kind of like scabs over ah it's a little weird yeah it's like it's very normal like the
00:34:44| chemicals in there cannot be that goes back to like uh hair products and the chemicals inside of them like what makes your hair stiff when you use mousse
00:34:55| it's probably like animal bones or something like gelatin fat some kind of animal fat maybe it's weird because hold on if you use water it doesn't come off your hand so
00:35:06| it's hydrophobic if you use water sort of a [ __ ] so but if you use soap it does break it down so it's i i imagine it's fat based or something
00:35:21| moves to to make your hair hard hmm oh yeah i should say hair gel because that's better yeah hair gel i still think it's fat
00:35:38| [Music] a whole bunch of random crap i can't tell you all right fine so the hairs the androgenic hairs that grow in your body
00:35:51| um during and after puberty uh they're called velous hairs it's finer and lighter is that is that how it's pronounced pronounced
00:36:00| excuse me you pronounce it differently that's interesting the uh they're always lighter in color than the rest your hair which is interesting
00:36:11| they depend on the density of androgen and receptors in the dermal papillae so like it just depends how many of the little receptors that sounds like a little french boy
00:36:30| the um do you know where you can't grow hair and we mentioned this right before it began i think the lips the backs of your ears the palms of your hands the soles of
00:36:39| your feet and certain external genital areas also the navel and scar tissue hmm lion's mane right that was my college buddy's fear was that
00:36:52| it would grow up a shaft right to the tip and then just keep growing proliferate he'd grown um he'd always have a lot i think this is it looks like it's going too far
00:37:01| and it's like so like sir which buddy which buddy was this this is a i i'm part canadian so i'm canadan he was ameridan
00:37:14| uh do you think this is going on my shaft i'm worried i do yeah i would be yeah it's polo dots it's gonna be a problem that's that's a good way to get someone
00:37:24| who's like overly sherry with their genitals or something like that looks weird i would call a doctor are you serious i can't yeah i've never normally i can't that's that
00:37:33| looks like doctor material right try to get that fixed with surgery because what they want you to say is no no man it's cool it looks good oh it looks healthy
00:37:40| like they want that from you because they're you're the doctor so now if you say you need a doctor that's terrible they're gonna either stop asking you or go to a doctor and chances are they'll
00:37:48| just have some other friend and hope that they get a yes yeah it looks good all right cool cool we're good we're good dan down the way thinks it looks weird
00:37:57| ah man looks good to me looks real fine grade a so shout out to all the people that have to show it anagen phase is how long the hair will
00:38:13| last telogen phase is how long it will grow physically or do they do that backwards so like all the hairs on your body actually have a how
00:38:23| how long they will survive like i'll last just no it's hair they're all dead it's hair that's like been beaten
00:38:34| abused so bad that the casing has finally broken apart so that all the little stuff on the inside is kind of flopping around but check this your hair has a terminus
00:38:44| your body hair has a terminus and it also has a lifespan i think i was reading like 10 months is the average span of a hair on your body how can you
00:38:53| have really long hair then how can women have it down to their butt cheeks oh no i'm talking about the body here oh body for that i don't know
00:39:02| if the um head hair has a you know a cut off point i imagine it does because couldn't you be a hundred and just that kept growing but
00:39:10| it doesn't i think i saw this guy longest hair in the world sure check it out oh this is the guy with the beard yeah i've seen this guy
00:39:21| there's women that have it longer than their bodies yeah rapunzel common day rapunzel yeah let down your hair and cut that off because it's got to be
00:39:32| disgusting like you gotta drag it on the ground like imagine going to the bathroom in like a bar and like having to drag your hair on the
00:39:40| ground yeah that is pretty nasty in a wheelbarrow yeah that's totally what you would do you would carry around a wheelbarrow with my giant nuts in there too
00:39:52| that part disgusted you you kind of did pubic hair baby thighs and abdomen disputes theories that have developed a signal sexual maturity protects the skin from chafing
00:40:05| during copulation oh that's pretty awesome that's what the pubic hair is for that's it one thing yeah that's one theory
00:40:14| it's a velcro asian yeah right it hooks them together yeah yeah is that why the bottom of your palms are inherent so no it does say that also both sexes
00:40:24| having thick pubic hair acts as a partial cushion during intercourse oh it's a spring you're spring-loaded that's that's wild correct
00:40:36| shorter lighter villas hairs we all know that oh they get darker and thicker at puberty how wonderful pituitary grains through something full of love the average age
00:40:46| i don't need to know the average age armpits it's wild my armpit hair is fairly like tucked into itself like it's a nice little area well he looks like a bushy
00:40:57| area oh look at you he's got to break some rules doesn't it yo that one has two you have two armpit hairs two patches that is wild dude i just one patch no
00:41:08| you got one and then it breaks the way the coloration goes it's actually it's just the fold do you want me to flex i don't even know if i want to fly too i
00:41:26| give you credit for it yeah this is going to turn into the gay podcast any minute now man hair so some of this is based on your uh
00:41:45| your attorney land stuff like that it is um wow the thermodynamic properties of pair are based on the properties of keratin strands and amino acids oh
00:41:57| coiled structure somebody has way too much time yeah i i didn't think this much about that's crazy all right marcus j rantala the
00:42:16| department of biology and environmental science in finland said the existence of androgen independent hair on men could be explained by sexual
00:42:24| attraction whereby hair on the genitals would trap pheromones and hair on the chin would make the chin appear more massive on the chin yeah so that's why you grow
00:42:37| a beard it makes your chin look bigger and more manly it's like a trick it's an optical illusion check that out but that would be the opposite for pubic
00:42:46| hair so i don't understand well no on the pubic hair it a it traps pheromones oh scent so you can smell wait your own smell i guess it's it's
00:43:00| your smell or the other person i don't know i don't know that's kind of wild i don't believe in most of that pheromone stuff although that's something we didn't
00:43:11| touch on how about um a woman's hair smell um do you think they naturally have them or is it because we have five million products
00:43:19| i think it's products i think they have a natural smell that comes out of their hair though hmm you know what i mean like a natural no any woman that doesn't wash her hair
00:43:29| so i can't i can't you can't be like wait a second i'm not sure do you use product no kind can i smell you without products the dudes who are cutting off women's
00:43:47| hair or whatever or keep it in a jar and just washing it washing it washing it and eventually they're like let's see if it has a smell this is for science this is for science very nice who wrote
00:43:56| that paper you're reading earlier science the science this is the this story of a murderer this is perfume can i capture your scent oh yeah i can't oh well too bad too late
00:44:10| here's the other one what about babies they ha they have a smell whose head i know that's not hair but that's like baby sense that's a real thing yeah
00:44:18| i don't love a beet so we touched on that's a lot here but your nails are keratin too wait and do they grow at the same rate your toenails and your fingernails do
00:44:34| not grow at the same rate really your fingernails grow four times faster than your toenails four times yeah why because some [ __ ]
00:44:44| government program i feel like it must be the usage like you're telling me yeah that would be much wear and tear but your nails do yeah use your hands four times as much as your
00:44:55| feet well then your toes toes how often you use your toes really try to use my toes daily i can picture you
00:45:07| waving to a girl with your toes from across the room with your toes hey yep i could picture that too i don't know why
00:45:27| i know why but it's another weird evolution thing like how how do you have these things that like scratch and grab and like like cut open plastic
00:45:38| packages like how did how did the big guy know that you needed that to open the plastic package but not really well so it just takes forever i don't know that he helped design the
00:45:49| plastic package with the nails it's like the banana it's like the banana is the perfect fruit right because it comes in a package and when you open it you don't have any
00:45:58| issues you can just eat it and then you can throw the package away it was a godly banana it kind of is the perfect food for something with hands yeah people
00:46:10| professed that that was because god designed it that way interesting i believe yeah except it was evolved and man made it that way actually while
00:46:19| we're talking about while we're talking about man let's focus on men for a second like men we look good we do our hair up sometimes but women
00:46:32| women be shopping that's a section of the show you all know we do every week it's called women bee shopping you got dead follicles coming out your
00:46:40| hair you got dead skin cells turning into like whatever fingernails are right how much my girl gonna spend on dead hair and dead fingernails in one
00:46:50| weekend i don't know i made that up it's not even a segment we do but like it's funny when you think about it we do spend a lot of money on dead
00:47:05| crap right i don't understand how women have nails that are like an inch long like how does that not drive you nuts oh i wouldn't be able
00:47:15| to use things i'd be like this i'd be like scratching things i wouldn't know how to do text on my phone i'd it changes the whole game but it's their fake nail right yeah
00:47:28| like it's not a real nail it's something that presses on and glues to their fingernails right exactly so i don't know how many women would actually grow at their
00:47:35| fingernails that long so it's something called acrylic or something and then it gets painted a color after the fact or it's pressed on after it's colored
00:47:44| i i've never done that seen that process happen i just know it costs like we need to experience this ourselves so that we understand the process
00:47:50| so that we can redo this much not what i would be willing to do have you ever getting a manicure or a pedicure yeah both yeah damn it i've never had any of
00:48:01| them really i'm a philistine i kind of liked it because a little massage oh i imagine it's good i'm not against it i just never spent money on it you know there's like
00:48:09| someone's like you win it i'd be like cool they try to like paint my nails but i was like no just give me whatever like clear or whatever
00:48:16| clear wait they did clear on you i think they did clear what do you mean you think they either painted your nails or they didn't dude this was like
00:48:24| a couple of actually probably like five years ago i don't remember how do you not know if they painted your nails i mean that's just you just want me to say yes or no i want
00:48:34| you to say yes one of your fantasies and i'm asking because it's clear a thing like they just put whatever it's clear i think it's just like did it make me feel like stronger like like you
00:48:44| could scratch someone more powerful i don't actually like they did like weird things where they like clipped the sides like the okay so you have the best
00:48:52| memory in the world about your manicure about the part okay before you remember i mean i like that part so i don't really remember that well but um
00:49:04| anyway but they did like the pedicure yeah they were the emery board or whatever i don't like the edges of the nails especially my feet like my feet are how they are don't try
00:49:14| to change them and then they like try to like cut it i think it's a gimmick to get you to go back because they cut it in a way that makes it painful when it grows out
00:49:22| that makes sense i believe it i think of things so skeptically that i don't trust anybody [ __ ] do you bite your nails no how do you we use a little nail thing
00:49:33| yeah so i don't i have a nurse no i i'm one of them yeah i peel i pick them uh until like i get a jagged part and i just pull it off and i'm like that's
00:49:45| ugly that's never like cuts into the soft part under the nail one out of every like 12 times that's very often that's a lot of times it's every time you go
00:49:55| almost every time actually it's probably one in 20 because i have 10 fingernails and it's probably like a little bit like a little edge that's hold on so i
00:50:04| have a little edge of red that's red for like a day it's not like it digs underneath my nail and i rip it off like i've never almost never
00:50:13| the bamboo shoots and they rip the nail off yeah i know and they shoot bamboo shoots under your nails anyway i don't know why i do that but i do and the other one is do you know how
00:50:22| i do my toenails oh you're using my now with my fingernails oh you pick them all oh yeah wait weird are you lacking calcium
00:50:32| is that do you have little the dots like you have the white dots in your fingers um like no i don't see white that's that bad
00:50:40| yeah it means that you have a lack of calcium because your your nails can't don't have enough substance where it's like uh at the base i mean i have some white at
00:50:50| the cuticle it's part of the base base base and anyway no it takes a long time it does take a long time it's yeah people sometimes it looks like their
00:51:00| nails like chipped or something like almost like you drop something on it but it's just like that one period of time you didn't have enough calcium so they
00:51:09| oh weird yeah oh no no i know what you're talking about where people whose nails are like weird and brittle nah i have weird nails but they're not like they're never brittle like that
00:51:18| like i see people who oh that weirds me out where a nail isn't uniform across oh yes but it grew that way i'm like ooh i had this one um uh i think grade
00:51:29| school was one kid had like really long nails i think that's what freaked me out it's like they were like half an inch long and he would always have like uh that's
00:51:38| this father's name is like a coke nail like he had coke nails in grade school they just like oh you gotta be honest like don't do that in grade school
00:51:48| doyle's town man okay where are we going i forgot okay [Applause] we were talking about nails and hair and summing it up
00:51:58| hmm what we've got there's things that are on your body that are dead right what else did you get with teeth he didn't you for we got to mention
00:52:09| teeth teeth though teeth are actually dead your body grows these things they have roots right like what they have roots so you can feel but the
00:52:22| roots are a lot the dentin i think is is not all living material correct you're actually correct it's called dentin inside is a meaty layer of i don't
00:52:32| freaking remember hydroxide palatite wow that's a lot it's a lot of words but it's weird that your body knows to grow these things that it can use them
00:52:51| as dead pieces that are attached to you for years to eat to eat it's even weirder that it has them inside your body for like the first 10 years and then they come out
00:53:03| and it's like what this first scent doesn't matter yeah let's push out that first set of fake owes we put in there why did you make the fakeos we just did
00:53:14| yeah that's like if you compare yourself to other mammals it's like you take your nails and then like do like a shitty anamorph into a horse and like how does the horse have nails
00:53:25| and like you're kind of comparable to that thing it is weird like but it's a irony hardy hook yeah it could be it was made for the
00:53:40| same idea like yeah i just feel like we're all in mushrooms we would just be like we are the same as horses
00:53:49| don't you know he's just doing horse movements jim carrey popping out of that rhino's anus uh it's such a good scene classic so teeth
00:54:01| do have live roots though which always freaks me out yeah did you have dental work that required root canal or anything
00:54:12| yeah i've had like two or three root canals i have shitty teeth you haven't noticed yeah how many root canals two or three really is that did you
00:54:23| brush your teeth as a kid or just like happen yeah no you just if you have shitty teeth you can brush your teeth i mean everybody still
00:54:30| drinks alcohol and soda when they're like 19 18 on the front on the exterior but like all of that you got some marks back there yeah i
00:54:47| don't think like my teeth are actually shitty in the back for the big ones the molars they never like fused as what i'm told and like
00:54:54| not having your teeth fused causes cavities eventually like it just doesn't yeah so like i don't like i brush my teeth like i recall brushing my teeth when i
00:55:04| was little and i brushed my teeth ever since i was in like high school like twice a day i don't know why certain people have perfect teeth other people
00:55:12| and some people get cavities all the time some people like to pull them out root canal is a root canal painful they say it is because they what they do is they go in
00:55:20| and kill the nerve so you can't feel anything and then fill it and then captitude is the idea so anytime you cap you should have a root canal
00:55:30| so the nerve is dead they just pull your teeth um they wanted a root canal this one i think they did and you can't see it it's too far back and then this one they were
00:55:39| like you could rooting out this one and i was like can you just pull it and they did and now i have a metal stub here and they're like you can afford a tooth
00:55:47| that'll fit right into this metal stub i have here it'll like hook into it and look just like the rest i can't afford the tooth so i just have the metal hole here
00:55:56| or the metal stub that's the lucky that it wasn't like your front ones would you do it on a front one i chipped this one from brent i'll say his goddamn name brett connolly
00:56:06| kicked the beer bottle while we were in the hot tub and i was drinking a beer bottle and it hit me and chipped my tooth right here and if it knocked it all the way out i
00:56:14| guess i'd be like [ __ ] i gotta get a noob i checked my front one too i was uh trying to grab my dog who's running away and the collar slipped off and the collar hit me in the
00:56:24| mouth oh and the metal part yeah the middle part and it chipped it and it's funny when these things happen because first time it happens to you
00:56:32| you're just like what the hell is this like this doesn't yeah this is not normal like i don't and then you like realize that you like you chipped a tooth on
00:56:39| something that's stupid and then you realize that like you have to protect yourself you can't protect yourself at all times it's going to happen can't occasionally
00:56:48| yes i can keep it up is there another like part of your body that does this i didn't know that i mean i know we talked about nails
00:56:58| hair teeth so i was getting like vestigial stuff like your tail when you have you do have a tailbone elbow which is painful if you fall on it
00:57:11| and you have no unicorns coccyx you also have um gallbladder appendix those things really don't have a use they're just there i'm sure they had to use your wisdom teeth
00:57:24| i had my wisdom teeth removed they got where they were impacted yeah mine and i've never heard from them i don't think they grew in i don't think i've nothing
00:57:36| strange does that mean they eventually will i don't know i feel like if the aliens ever come and like try to take you and do their thing
00:57:47| on you like they better give me like a replacements like change my teeth give me a steal like yo why you guys are doing the probe back here can i get a manicure i need a
00:57:57| manicure anybody baby i'm ready ready for you just benny betty me oh whoa whoa i want some earth finger nail polish colors come on here
00:58:09| what are there i don't know if there's any other vestigial parts that are unless you can think of any i think i don't know that's what you use you're on my body is it your ears
00:58:18| keep growing your whole life your ears yeah i heard this you can look it up and see if it's true your ears keep growing
00:58:27| can you tie them in a bow they keep growing and growing and growing and that's why all people are bigger than will smith is this
00:58:39| that doesn't sound like a thing and maybe i was incorrect cartilage [Applause] cartilage continues to grow uh but the
00:58:50| eager lobes elongate oh do they is that why old people level flat longer ropes to elastin fail so they get kind of flabby
00:58:59| i mean that's everywhere on their body i mean do we really care about the ears am i like look at that old person they have long ears mom nick jr you're 34. stop it smacks me
00:59:12| i had a teacher who was getting a little old and her cheeks started to sag and we called her bulldog and when she yelled at yes her cheeks was like
00:59:21| in high school no this is a great school okay cool because i had a high school math teacher who did something similar who by the way she said the funniest thing in the world and i said the
00:59:32| funniest thing back one time she was like a whippersnapper math teacher and i was in the back of the room and i was literally yawning falling asleep in class
00:59:40| and she went oh mr nick and i she caught me i was totally on and she was like oh i'm sorry we keeping you awake back there and i literally without
00:59:49| missing a beat i said in front of the whole class like um this is i'm real i'm sorry mrs blah blah blah it's just that's what happens when i'm
00:59:56| real interested in a subject it's an allergic reaction i yawn and she was like and she laughed i went thank you i'm glad you're interested
01:00:07| and then she just went back to class and i was like [Music] such a good comeback i don't know what another i'm looking at my own body like
01:00:17| what's useless what's the most useless part pinkies are okay like balls are kind of the worst when you think about it what are balls good
01:00:27| for yeah i know producing offspring but how many offspring have you produced two i got one yeah how many years has this thing been dangling
01:00:37| yeah it's kind of not worth it like there's not a more effective i think calluses fit into this category well what is a cows by the way i take mine off all the time i get them now
01:00:50| that i lift weights and stuff like that yeah like that part of your hand yeah hands yeah and balls of your feet oh balls uh i have baby feet
01:01:01| what did you ever try this is weird like the there's this like uh dead skin peeling thing that you can like wrap around your feet oh you put in this like acid and it like
01:01:14| breaks it apart so then you can like peel it off i did it once and i don't know that it did anything really at all there's a pedicure this is not part of
01:01:24| the pedicure this is the the personal at home where no one sees you but you talk about it on a podcast kind of deal good on you
01:01:34| yeah keep it a secret but i won't tell anyone yeah the calluses i don't know i think they're useful like eventually like you wait your baby feet if you walk
01:01:45| around and you step on a children's toy like a lego does it probably hurts you more is that your weakness last your callus has saved you from
01:01:54| an increment of pain yeah i think it well it it stops you from whatever you're repeatedly doing like i'm lifting weights right now so it it stops the
01:02:04| pain in this area from getting torn up i don't know maybe that's because you don't have callus anywhere if you were working that part of your body i think you probably i imagine
01:02:13| right yeah could you get when you're picking [ __ ] up with your elbows all the time yeah here's the sciencey um astronaut fact of the day
01:02:30| like when the astronauts go to the iss and they have calluses from being a normal human being when they go up there they don't need it because there's no friction there's no
01:02:39| pressure so it just peels and then like they have videos of them like taking off their socks and zero g and all the skin just goes everywhere it's like a
01:02:48| plume of dead skin how so like they come back it's like baby feet thank you i was just gonna say super smooth yeah
01:02:59| fascination with being a seal [Music] the closest i'll be makes you think yeah makes you think it's just weird that hair which is kind
01:03:17| of like dead doesn't matter is a nuisance it's also our style who we are like what we do every morning how do you go to work they change their hair you're
01:03:29| like wow you look good yeah yeah that that's a big point i mean changing your hair is a big is a big deal changing hair stylist
01:03:38| is a big deal who does your hair who touches your hair who works on your teeth yeah who it's all this weird [ __ ] kind of like tattoos and piercings too
01:03:52| they're not vestigial because they're alive my tattoo is alive and well hmm you ever get any piercings nah i mean lately i've been thinking there's this girl who i'm friends with
01:04:07| who has like one of the yeah the nose one and it's for some reason it's fascinating to me like it's attractive in a weird way and then it's weird
01:04:16| like it's a bull i keep thinking about it i'm like maybe it's signaling something what she wants to stomp the floor and i'm gonna wear red
01:04:27| and i have to like move a cape you know what i mean that sounds pretty hot it kind of is a little bit hot i will give you that i will give you that
01:04:38| i don't know i think we can wrap it up yeah i think we're going to wrap it up our hair most dead part of us is the most living part of our artistic
01:04:49| expression oh yes and i think you need to just come down here let me put my hands on your shoulders let's breathe the fresh air and chop this off
01:05:00| ethel it's dead it's over remember your fifth husband it's gone we're moving on we're gonna do a fresh updo we're going to do this here your eyes
01:05:10| are going to just pop and then meredith down the way she's going to wish her husband was dead like that's my imaginary conversation with the old lady in my chair
01:05:21| and she's gonna just die laughing and give me like a 70 tip i'm talking her haircut's like 60 bucks and i'm getting like 50 for just being funny
01:05:32| what i'm saying folks is that hair is important our dead skin cells are important our fingernails important that's why sometimes i follow a girl
01:05:41| i work around i clip off her fingernails when she's not looking i put them in a jar i keep them i keep all this stuff okay sometimes i cut a little bit of her
01:05:50| hair off sniff it i was i was able to take the little pieces of you and make them into a full you oh jesus
01:06:03| that's christ we should end it we should just make the cut off here wow so it's crazy that we like literally these dying pieces of skin these dying pieces of hair those dying
01:06:14| pieces of us have way more importance than we think they do yeah if you're a cancer patient and you lose all your hair all that good stuff
01:06:24| not having it makes you look like you're about to die that's weird it's messed up isn't it kind of hope you don't so we hope you keep for her because we hope you style we hope you do all
01:06:34| your super fun [ __ ] because you know what we like you we like you a lot thanks folks good night
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